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1358341 tn?1282209843

CRF with anemia - end of life

I'm thinking about colostrum for anemia ?

My cat will have senior food for anemia mixed with renal food. In her case science hills science plan mature 7+ turkey with science hills k/d wet. But I think science hills is too strong for her, she is more than 19yo (found in september 1991 as baby-born in my garden).

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1358341 tn?1282209843
The topic is ended, but there was another personal question for me, someone who said she was trying by herself Alpha Lopaic Acid but by mouth, not IV since she isn't a doctor because she heard of people suffering from kidney who toke that with CoQ10 and got better.

Hope her cat will.

And I also think about the person before whose cat has CRF with heart failure, poor kitty !

If you have opinons about Alpha Lopaic Acid, you can tell because I don't know it?

But I shared what I told before and since she was experiencing new things (normal, we get crazy when we understand we can't stop it), I told her why not try vegeterian cat food ?

(copy of my advices, not her letter, I respect privacity)
"-> Make her drink a lot, max 10mL each time she eats.

-> And she must eat at least 5 times a day (more times then a human). Couldn't figure out the best diet because animal protein destroys kidney, but no animal protein in CRF diet brings muscular loss wich is no good because it uppers urea and that also attacks kidney. I never tried vegetarian cat food, but you must follow their advices if you want to try because vegetables highers alkalinity, wich give cats alkaline stone types like struvite. But stones are more dangerous for male cats then female cats.

http://www.vegancats.com/

Perhaps it's more balanced then CRF diet and it doesn't contains animal proteins. But never tried it, it's a risk if you want to try something new. But buy a PHpaper to control this in an aquarium store nearby (7$) about 5 to 8 (the PH of a cat must be between [6.1 ; 6.6]. You put PHpaper under her without touching the bottom of the litter abd without touching on it, when she is going to do piiiiiiiiii-ssss. (No need to take the piiiiiiiiii-ssss out of her with a needle because it would harm in a destructive way her bladder. So you don't let a vet measure her PH !).

Furthermore phosphorus can higher UREA but:
1st) Ask a doctor if phosphorus itself destroys kidney ?
2nd) Ask a doctor if high UREA destroys kidney ?
3d) Some probiotics can lower UREA: S. thermophilus, L. acidophilus + B. longum*
4th) Renalzin (UK product) sure lowers Phosphorus level:
http://www.medicanimal.com/viewusarticle/~Shipping/~contentId=110050/~curContentId=US_FAQ/~curSubContentId=110050
We also ship throughout the rest of the world so if you would like us to ship outside of the countries listed in the table above, please contact us by email on ***@**** or by phone on +44 (0) 203 058 0500 for quotes on shipping to your location "

(I advise mostly FOS then CELLULOSE but not SOJA - and the idea comes from kibow biotics wich also sent the rumor of being able to take people back from death of kidney disease http://www.kibowbiotech.com/biotics.php)
But in my opinion probiotics only LOWERS UREA but DOES NOT REGENERATE KIDNEY. It just helps. That's all.
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1358341 tn?1282209843
Thank you. Yes, such an experience. But now it's past.

There is a lot of people reading me. I'm going to give you a final advice about Psyllium Husk:

CRF food with no proteins means constipation. You need to mix CRF food with normal or specific food to have a balance. Plus having no true animal proteins means muscular loss wich is no good neither.

But Psyllium Husk in CRF K/D canned or other food or Azodyl is NOOOOOOOO!

After about 6months of psyllium husk, your cat intestine will no more work for itself. That's why I got into all this ghosts problems at first. She couldn't do it no more.

Cat's digestive system don't digest fibers the way we do, I don't know why. So what seems good at first creates a great inbalance at the end that is the most awfull and painfull thing you can do for your cat.

Yes, ANIMAL PROTEINS DESTROYS THEIR KIDNEY, IT IS DANGEROUS, BUT NOT EATING THEM CONSTIPATES YOUR CAT. But CATS DIGESTIVE SYSTEM DO NOT TREAT FIBERS AS HUMANS, FIBERS DELETES THE DEFECATION REFLEX.

The ideal would be intestinal lavage with water without microbes in only the superficial part. But it still needs to be invented.
-

That was NOT the question I was asked, the question was the adress of my holistic vet in Paris. Good luck for the person that asked it to me.

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freaked > That's depend on how your life is going, for not to be afraid, you have to have a reason. Just take in consideration that cats have a spirit, and maybe other animals too, and that what I lived, is thanks to a friend that is not human but that is from our planet Earth and that I won't meet again in this life. But I advice physicians that are trying to invent time machines and black holes that the situation is nonetheless dangerous because parallel worlds is not for living beings of our world.
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Furthermore if death leads to continuation of physical existence and pain into a parallel world, it prooves that fluids did kill my cat in this world (I'm not accusing the vet but the company that sold it).

So please create the Lactated Ringer Solution in France that can be trusted chemically and bacteriologically and that will never harm a cat !!!

I don't believe in the french health system in whats concerns quality tests and certification of intra-veinous and sub-cutaneous solutions for pets. There are laws, progress and norms to be welcome (we are now in 2011). This will rise vet trust and kitties life expectancy.
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587315 tn?1333552783
How old is your sister and what exactly is wrong w/ her heart?  What have the doctors done for her and what tests were run?

Girl, I don't know about the ghost stuff!!  You've got me a little bit freaked out w/ this story!  I do believe our cats can visit us in spirit, but I don't think it means anything negative toward your sister.  Coincidence, maybe.  I think your experiencing a ton of anxiety dealing w/ your sisters sickness and your cat's recent death.  That's a lot to deal w/ in such a short amount of time.  You need to find ways to take some time out, relax, and get your mind off of things.  Take some time for yourself and treat yourself to something nice.
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1358341 tn?1282209843
Yes indeed, now another topic, with also tiny relation,

I'm very sad because since our last 3 cats died this year, my sister is beggining heart problems. But she never took medicine that could cause that, thanks God. It's just something they discovered. And I had forgotten heart massage, I'll have to look for another first aid course, because I only know breathing help.

And this morning, I had a 3rd ghost problem. I was half awake in a parallel world where my bedroom door was opened, and half awake in my world where my bedroom door was closed. When I was in the parallel, world, Minou that I felt to still be sick, came to sleep on my back, she even did a meow, and I even was able to touch her putting my hand under myself, but I could hardly move, and my head was very heavy, so after caressing her without seeing her, I started to call my mother, so that she'll see her, but each time I managed to scream, parallel world become normal world where door is closed, and when I managed to sit, parallel world and the cat disappeared instantanly, and I had no time to see her. I just saw the opened door becoming closed (not closing, like a movie special transition effect).

If you don't believe me, this can also be interpreted as a dream when you wake up.

I did not knew cats could become ghosts. But this was the third paranormal phenomenon related to the lost of my cat in one month. And this cannot be interpreted as a chamanist spirit that is related to our imagination and dreams, because their ghosts are alive beings. This is related to spiritism, dead things that can materalize and interact with real world.

About the TV, first phenomenon, we had seen the same tape before, and the volume was normal, but before the death of my cat, the day we saw the tape again about minerals in microscope in geology class, the volume went up and down and up and down, it was impossible to hear, and it only created diversion in my class, where it was not at all interpreted as paranormal phenomenon.

And the ghost I have seen, second paranormal phenomenon, is related to my cat, I saw him when I was a child. He comes from Seychelles Island like Minou and he might have seen her when she was baby. I don't think he had bad intensions, because he was less visible then before, and I think he came as a friend, that's why I had the courage to shout him to go away.

In my life I only saw 2 times a ghost before this moth, first Grand-Mother from mother's side, than him, I think he is not family, but just a ghost that entered my life accidentally, first time with no reason, so if he came back, it was friendship intensions, perhaps for me to believe my cat can live in his world, for me to believe there is a world after death. And it's true after that, I stopped feeling sad. And right know I am happy. I accepted death, because I don't see it anymore as an end.

And I believe pendule ghosts are just imagination, they don't exist. I stopped believing that someone can call a spirit and speak with it. For me this is just fake, it is inconscient and imagination. Since real ghosts do not depend on us. I do not belive I called a spirit to help her doing her needs, because that is my imagination. It was me who helped her. I put little water behind and it worked. The other world cannot be imagined neither called because it has volume, colour and texture. Maybe death is a parallel world where you continue the same as before until you die again ?

Anyway, I don't know what all this means, and I am very afraid. Since my sister is sick. Perhaps I should try to forget my cat. I hope my sister and my cat is not related, because I love both, and I don't want to lose her !

If you have a suggestion, please tell me !!!
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587315 tn?1333552783
Hon, the pharmaceuticals NEED some serious changes in your country.  

This just boggles my mind that you have universal health care, but your drug companies are seriously flawed.  I'm sitting here just shaking my head over this.  In other words, you have free medical care, but the drugs can kill you?  AND, here, as of right now...medical care costs a fortune, but the drugs are pretty much safe IF you can afford it?  How backwards is this?

WOW

PS-I'm starting to feel a little guilty that we're talking about health care systems in the cat forum.  Don't get me wrong, this is interesting to me, but this would've been a better topic for the MH Social forum.
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1358341 tn?1282209843
1) Yes, you are lucky in the law system in what concerns medicine quality and companies (everyone knows you can sue anyone in USA but here almost no one can sue a companie that did a bad thing against you, like lying), except for poor people that can't pay them, that's what the new USA health system must be about: the poor, not the quality. And I believe (don't know politics) if everyone could spare 1$ for the poors, they will be able to go to doctors and have medicine and hospitalization for free.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/208343.php
" Over the last thirty years approximately 500 patients in France who took Mediator have died, French health agency CNAM (Caisse Nationale d'Assurance Maladie) has announced today. French watchdog Agence Française de Sécurité Sanitaire des produits de Santé (AFSSAPS) is urging all patients who have taken the medication to see their doctor to check for dangerous thickening of the heart valves. AFSSAPS added that a further 3,500 people who have taken the drug since its approval in 1976 have been hospitalized.

Mediator was prescribed to over 300,000 patients. Some of them experienced complications, mainly heart problems. The medication was discontinued in France last year, and soon after by the European Medicines Agency.

Mediator (benfluorex hydrochloride) was approved in 1976 in France. In 1987 it was approved as a medication, along with diet, for patients with hypertriglyceridemia (excessive blood triglyceride levels). It was approved in 1990, together with diet for diabetes or overweight patients. An application for approval for type 2 diabetes patients in primary care was turned down due to lack of efficacy data. In 2007 approval was withdrawn for hypertriglyceridemia treatment after reassessment of efficacy studies. (Everything in this paragraph refers to Mediator's regulatory history just in France)

Le Union Nationale Des Omnipraticiens De France, the country's union of general practitioners (primary care physicians) informs that it is ready to test patients who took Mediator for at least three months during the last four years.

French Health Minsiter, Xavier Bertrand, said:

      "Our message to all those who took Mediator is that they must see a doctor - particularly those who took it for three months over the past four years."

USA's equivalent drug, Redux, was banned in 1997. It led to a $12 billion settlement following a class action by thousands of individuals.

Mediator was made by French drugs firm Servier, the country's second-largest pharmaceutical group, which rejects the death estimates as a "theory founded on extrapolation". Even if one were to accept the official figures, the risk is still only 0.005%, the company says. Servier has sold a total of 145 million boxes of the medication in France.

Critics say French authorities have been too slow in banning the drug, after repeated warnings of its dangers.

Written by Christian Nordqvist
Copyright: Medical News Today"

2) Yes I'm very happy they wrote to me. Here in France writing to people is still not a habit, but new technologies are changing minds, first cell phones made people speak more, than e-mail, but e-mail made people write: " I don't like you, don't send me your spam ", although when you speak to a french person the same person will never dare tell you that, then Facebook, now Facebook have changed the way french people answer their e-mails. There is a social evolution, and people are now happy when they receive e-mails.

3) I tried doing INNOVATION TECHNOLOGY COURSE once, and if this simple ingredients drugs is commercialized with chemical and bacterial health certification, I'll tell my professors (although it was impossible to found internship for this course without having a physics diplom hahaha), and they'll be happy! They are different from all the professors I knew because they believe in scientific breakthrough and in people being the engine of scientific evolution.

According to TV (not to course, I don't know) in France they believe that scientific people inside an enterprise must be treated as kings, but the truth is if the kings don't feel competition neither society, they will never invent nothing. We also have a problem with money, in USA investment in research is bigger then in France but I don't believe money can make a mind think of the futur of humanity. I think it's a social organization problem not a QI problem.

What works the best in USA is you propose a research idea to military (yes, this is according to course), they see if it interest them although it has got nothing to do with soldiers and military stuff ex: a new shampoo formula, and then you got paid and can do research on your own or with your team. And that's what I did: suggest !!! And an enterprise that have a good social organization is able to collect people suggestion and to analyse the interest of going further with each one. Because this helps when you're out of ideas or if you want to please consummers.

I just hope Boiron Labs and UFC Que Choisir 92 contacts will go further, compare toxicity of existing products in a diplomatic way, publish comparision, and then Boiron Labs do this simple little products that do miracle over the Atlantic sea. :)

Replacement of Fortekor (21euros in France) with Nelio (12euros in France) wich is lower price and lower quality in all french vet clinics might illustrate how difficult it is for USA and UK innovation to arrive in France (these products costs less than 2euros in UK). The problem is they can't lower Fortekor price in France because price is law-protected so they are advised by important people to replace it by generic (we feel like living in Africa "medicine !!!"), because no market competition in drugs, and because no social influence from normal people in drug prices. So all medicine related problems are really difficult to solve. And medicine quality is an emergency problem to solve in France, and doing it with market influence is easier than with laws because bad medicine are over-law-protected.
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587315 tn?1333552783
Hey hon....I'm trying to understand what you wrote here....slight language barrier.

YOU WROTE:

According to french TV law issue is this one:
- If a drug kills a lot of pacients (mediator scandal on TV), then french health compare benefits and nocivity of product and decides whether to keep the product in french medicine national database or to take it out of the market. If they take out of the market, they sue the guilty enterprises and they propose no new medicine for doctors to prescribe. So they state they loose the good killing medicine. And it's a national loss with no hope.

Here in the US, they test all potential drugs BEFORE they put it on the market.  They do sometimes pull drugs off the market sometimes.  But, your statement has me wondering whether the French system just puts drugs out without doing any testing???  IF that's  the case, that is downright scary.  =(

I hope someone else comes along to help me understand this better.  Or, Francoise, maybe you can?

By the way, I thought that was very sweet of your vets to tell you that they were sorry.  I usually get a card signed by all of the employees in my vets' office when I get my cats put down.

PS-I don't understand why it's such a big deal to market lactated ringer's solution.  This is a very common solution for people with very simple ingredients.  I just don't understand this at all.  Makes me feel lucky to be in the US for the half way decent vet care for my cats.
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1358341 tn?1282209843
UFC Que Choisir 92 just told me they are opened for discussion with Boiron Lab's in case they need advice ;)

You see that you can get what you want in France !
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1358341 tn?1282209843

In France there is 2 ways of solving a medicine problem: law issue or commercial issue.

According to french TV law issue is this one:
- If a drug kills a lot of pacients (mediator scandal on TV), then french health compare benefits and nocivity of product and decides whether to keep the product in french medicine national database or to take it out of the market. If they take out of the market, they sue the guilty enterprises and they propose no new medicine for doctors to prescribe. So they state they loose the good killing medicine. And it's a national loss with no hope.

According to commercial point of view:
- If a drug kills, there will always be an enterprise ready to save the world and replace it.

And that's what I proposed to Boiron Lab's: TO SAVE THE WORLD !

So the only PRESSURE I can give them is putting them in contact with: UFC Que Choisir 92, and tell them: find out a diplomatic issue if you ever do lab tests on competing products ? We don't want scandals ! We want concrete answers !

And GO TO H*** family who wants money because medicine killed their sons. What they should do is working for medicine replacement, if they want a social aim, if they want the bad enterprises to get down !!! In France Enterprises are treated like GOD and humans like *-*-. So even french government is afraid of suying them.

I'll put a canddle in Notre Dame Church for having Lactated Ringer Solution from Boiron Lab's as the social solution. So I hope they do commercial investigation then product !

And I think it'll work, because a ghost was watching me today, I think it was worried with me. He looked like the translucid fishes tentacles at feet, very beautifull but frightened me, couldn't see form, told him to get out and lock the door on him, because I still don't have courage to speak with ghosts. 2 ghosts manifestations in a year, it's rare (usually it takes more than 10years).
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All my vets from vet clinic told me how they are sorry about my cat's death. If they read this, I thank them a lot !!!
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Thanks for encouragements in what concerns pets futur.
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587315 tn?1333552783
It's about time!!!

French kitties deserve good care, too!!!  I hope they continue to improve veterinary care for France's pets.

Good job, girl.  Keep putting the pressure on them!
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874521 tn?1424116797
great job francoise....all because of your continued pressure, this will lead to much better outcomes for the french kitties, great work!!
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1358341 tn?1282209843
Good news friends, very good news, Boiron Labs is going to study if it's a good idea of inventing Lactated Ringer Solution high-quality fluids for french pets !!!

They don't say they will, they told me they are studying the idea :)

So there is hope for french cats !!!
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1358341 tn?1282209843
@Jade59: Thank you, I had luck to be able to choose to spend 24h/24 with her, because I have finished university, so I don't have regrets on her accompanying for warmth and reassurance. Since linguistics close job doors, she was officially my full-time job, that's why I did anything I could do without vet knowledge, most of the time hoping together. And as for my extra courses, they are the pleasures of my life, since I choosed them unlike university, but as I had started all of the subjects long ago (geology, latin, linux), I used the emergency thinking door, my cat passed first, and it did no dammage at all in my school projects (except informatics: no pc loving). Cat has only one chance, school have second chance, and I did well to choose no books no friends no life, because in an unexpected way life, friends and knowledge came in without me working hard, since I kept my mind opened for any new ideas and accepted any study talking with me, since no time to think by myself.

@Zodiacqueen: I thought a lot of the translation thing, and wrote to Boiron Labs telling them to invent Lactated Ringer Solution (saw the name in wikipedia) and not to translate method and prescription, but rather to hire an ethnologist that would observe the english way of giving fluids to pets, and to write method and prescription with the french point of view in medicine.

The only thing I have learned with linguistics is that no one is interested in learning french people from Paris french dialects (french mixed with italian, german, celtic, spanish...) from other french towns, and that Google translation will never work perfectly, so I don't have nothing that prooves that translation can be usefull to understand other people's habits. So I include medicine in habits. And think that exchanging knowledge with other cultures needs to give knowledge with the point of view of the other country. We are all ethnocentrists, but I don't understand ethnology, I only understand rocks, NaCl is called halite in geology, it's a chemical synonym of sodium chloride. And although I have no proof, I really think Medical Halite in actual Sodium Chloride french fluids is not well chimically dosed, may contain other chimically not good things, should be well-balanced with other molecules, may contain bad health bacterias, and may come together with a translation french people can't interpret as it should be, furthermore not sure method explanation recipient is for doctors, maybe it's for both pet owners and doctors, so it might have abusive text not mentionned as.

And I really hope one day hearing of french people saying, their CRF cat's lived 4 years under high quality fluids, with a fair vet price or a home-to-do method, as your american and britanic kitties are. So we'll have a better life expectancy.

@everyone: and I had an accepted article (in fact it was an e-mail they transformed in article to share life experience), because when she got better I had to share this unusual phenomenon in a cat's life in France, although french buy a lot of cat probiotics abroad, most of them the very expensive but clinically certified for CRF Azodyl, but maybe they don't go to vet a lot to be able to show their results. And someone wrote to me yesterday saying it convinced him in buying Azodyl for his cat, although only 16 readings of Flickr photo (including me and posting redaction // compared to it totally unusefull out-of-date Ubuntu informatics can be read more than 1000times), I answered Mercola Complete Pet Probiotics, also contains Kibow Biotics (but not intentionnally) and isn't refrigerated and costs less, just in case of, and gave - tried to give - few advices and psychological help.
http://www.art2vivre.fr/14.html
http://www.flickr.com/photos/waterreedshimmer/4970322673/

@MedHelp-posting-friends: Thanks for sharing your time and feelings with me. I'm sure you're cats are doing well in Rainbow Bridge together with mine. I like a lot Rainbow Bridge. Your poem is my legend and my comfort. Thank you very sincerely.
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242912 tn?1660619837
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi Francoise, I was so sorry to hear of the passing of Minou.  I've followed your posts since you came in June of last year and you did everything humanly possible for your girl.  You've really been an amazing mom.  I'm sure you're still in shock since it hasn't even been two weeks.  

RIP, Minou and you get some rest, too, Franciose.  

Hugs, honey.
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874521 tn?1424116797
bless your sweet gentle heart Minou may you now have peace and freedom from pain, you were well loved little one♥
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1358341 tn?1282209843
Today was a very important day, today 28 dec 2010 at 14h30, we've buried Minou at animal's cemetery (graviar) together with Poussi.

I've put red roses inside her coffin. I did a very beautiful flower arrangement at her feet. Red roses do last a lot when they dry. They kept under coffin tissue the pink polar tissue where she died, but they did a beautiful thing in transforming it into bed-like. The champagne color tissue (yellowish) did match well with the flowers. On the greyish marble tomb, I put a small yellow flower vase inside a small red vase. I wanted to put a candle but family disagreed with my taste. Later we'll buy a funeral arrangement/decoration for our cats, where everyone will agree in color and taste. We have 2 tombs, one with Minouche (f) and Pirate (m) witch are Minou's grandchildren, their mother was Daisy, but she didn't die in France. And one with Poussi (f) and Minou (f). Poussi is the adoptive sister of Minou, she never wanted a husband.

Her grandchildren died 2 years ago, Minouche with breast cancer, and Pirate with CRF (he was diagnosticated too late, his levels were above machine capacity, he died 2 days after Perfusion, in a different way then Minou, but the body also died before the head, but he didn't suffer, he fell asleep). Poussi died with CRF, her levels weren't very high but they were much higher than Minou's. And Minou, CRF + Anemia. But we didn't seek anemia in Poussi.

In conclusion:
- Mix K/D with normal food from the beginning to avoid abnormal weight loss, anemia and constipation because of lack of proteins.
- Try probiotics therapy (probiotics containing Kibow Biotics aka S. Thermophilus KB19, L. Acidophilus KB27, B. Longum KB31 but watch additives): for mantaining Urea Low (red) to Normal.
- Try lanthanum carbonate therapy (Renalzin).
- Try fluid therapy only if you live in USA or UK, I think fluids in France aren't controlled by health regulation and can contain lethal doses of salt.

Future:

I believe in the future genetic therapy might be invented. Right now in my own blood levels I have an anomaly: VGM too high and CREATININE too low, and that happens to be the opposite of CRF with HGB low (end-life anemia, although VGM is normal) and CREATININE high. If in the future my levels get higher, it might be related either to food – I'm vegetarian – either to genetic disease, witch ? But if it is genetic disease that has opposite symptoms from CRF, that means you can cure CRF with a second disease.

As vegetarian living among omnivorous I eat big quantities of cereals, small quantities of vegetables, everyday soy or fish. And I don't drink alcohol neither wine (alcoholic people also have strange blood levels).

Psychology: Yes, seeing our pet dying creates psychological shock.

Thank you all for your help, even Dona at beginning. Best wishes for new year 2011.
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1358341 tn?1282209843
Indeed very beautifull poem.

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...
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1358341 tn?1282209843
I'm thinking about the coffin, I'll buy some roses and put inside so that they will dry with time. Perhaps red roses but not sure. Rose petals stay longtime intact and in place. My father had given me a rose 2 birthdays ago, and it is still intact.

I wanted pink tissue, but we can't choose the colour (bottom is always champagne), I already have a beautiful pink tissue to put on her.

I don't know when we'll speak about this arrangements, I'll think of them today.

She's going to have the same coffin than Poussi, my sister had proposed long before, and perhaps my father will help. But I'll find the final touch myself.

The cemitery guy picked her up 2 days ago, 3hours after she died. They have refrigerator like the vet clinics. But I don't want them to decide everything. Still have to do something for her, and not at last moment.

We are Sunday, I can't do much.
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1358341 tn?1282209843
I had a very difficult choice to make: watching or not watching her dying. And I've choosen to stay with her till the end.

What is the most difficult moment, is when we look at each other, in a cruel moment of suffering, and deeply wish to see each other tomorrow in a moment of interior everyday worry-less peace instead. But this day will never come.

What is interesting about the cat, is that at the end, he adopts the " religion " of the one he thrusts, I refused the existence of death, and I think she also refused to think she was dying, she struggled, without understanding, to do every movement she usually does when she could move. When she wasn't feeling her right arm, she crawled to eat as usual, it hurted me. And before falling deeply asleep, she waked up in the morning as usual, and did her best to try breathing, she struggled for breathing till the end. Before vet came.

Really difficult moments.

Today I have discovered something as I watched a movie I like a lot with Eddie Murphy, about a sacred child in Tibet that he had to save. And I imagined she was with me.

I think we can see our pets through our imagination.

My sister told me she preferred that her cat died in clinic. I prefer them to die with me. It's sad, but at least, we are the last person they see. But it's a psychologically very difficult situation because you wish you weren't living this. And sad thing stays on your memory along with good small moments passed together like sleeping on stomach, sleeping on feet, sleeping nearby and feeling the animal is dreaming.

On her last weeks my cat dreamed a lot about my vet, after each time he had de-constipated her. But this time she couldn't, I'm sorry.

She had more bad days than good days, it was hard for both. My studies right now aren't important and are lower in thinking than university, so I could concentrate everyday on my cat. And when I wanted to write something, I just had often taken her wripped in towel on my knees, like a baby. So that she "writes" with me. Never left her alone, except when I really had to go. Went once or twice to the movies nearby while she was asleep. Always phoning home if I left.

You must imagine your cat being well and being with you to feel well with yourself. At least today. Tonight I thought a lot about her. Imagined she watched TV with me, and am imagining we'll have a last sleep together. Because we can't leave each other in sad moments.

Don't know nothing about paranormal, but the only little thing I had learn with chamanism, is that a spirit can be something you imagine, an awakened dream. A cat we know can be easely imagined through memories. So it can pass a last night with us, a good night, in our imagination.

I had forgotten imagination with university and linguistics, but I'm trying to find it again. Geology courses helped a lot because there are images to understand. Now feelings are also helping. I must remember her as she was everyday, and imagine that now she can comfort me in our love, and choose to stay in my heart for the rest of my life. No I can't forget her. But I must think of her as she was well, and for that imagine one last time, and state that imagination is linked with paranormal although it is not linked with ghosts. But the bonds are still very mysterious for me.

I'm sorry I can't follow the plain religious path where you have to let go the dead ones. No I must choose my path that is different from my mother. Else I can't grow up. I only believe in what I can feel, imagine and live. And I can feel the love of my cat. This love is unbreakable, it is a mother-child love, something that even a ghost cannot steel, and the seal is imagination, trying to get past memories on the top of sad memories.

Sad memories are difficult to live.

Happy memories must be cherished, and re-lived in our hearts.
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1358341 tn?1282209843
Yes, I know.
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Avatar universal
Hi Francoise,
Thank you!  I think we all know the sadness and loss you are feeling about your baby.  Their little lives are just too short, and we know we will outlive them but hope that day never comes.  These little Angels give us such unconditional love always.
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1358341 tn?1282209843
I wish I could express myself in such a beautifull way !
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Avatar universal
Hi,
Opus gave you some very good links.  Here is also a link where you can  either post or just read where pet owners talk and express their grief about their pets that have passed on or as I like to call it, crossed the Rainelbow Bridge.  It really helped me the first year I lost my beloved boy kitty.

http://www.petloss.com/

When you get onto the site, scroll down the page until you see "Message Board" and then click on it.  

My heart and prayers go out to you today

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1358341 tn?1282209843
Thank you for both readings.
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