4 year old with BAD Temper

[bearfan54]

Hello all I am a very concerned father here that has a few question about my newly turned 4 year old boy with a very bad temper.  First of all and the biggest thing is that he is very mean to his 2 year old sister, hits her with objects, pushes her, etc.  My wife is a stay at home mom and just gets fed up with his attitude.  We have tried every little type of discipline and also bringing him to a child psychiatrist.  They give us things to work on and we never make any progress.  I feel like I am just paying to pay for the ride!  I could give the advise that some are giving parents this year and mine would be FREE!!  He dont listen, is mean to mom and sister and is starting to get to the point where he dont want to listen to me anymore.  I have tried all the techniques myself as in not letting his tactics get on my nerves and try to ignore him, NOT working!  I just dont know what to do, the doctors dont do much for us, well really nothing at all, I get the answer many want to hear "They all act this way at this age!" WRONG!  Im sorry, I am not a doctor i know, but there has to be better ways to approach this and I am just wanting to see if maybe others have recieved different advise?  

Also he wakes up at 5:30 screaming waking his sister up and will not listen to go back to bed, any advice on that as well?  I just feel like I as a father am not doing the right things and just want to do better!  Thank you all!!

[specialmom]

Sometimes children with delays "hold it together" with other people and at school and fall apart afterwards at home.  Don't know how this factors in, but that is not uncommon.  A speech delay would make you irritable with those closest to you.   He is comfortable there showing how frustrated he is.

Rules such as if you throw somehing, you lose it for the day.  If you push, you are in time out.  Time out starts when you sit quietly.  It takes lots of patience and practice.  Your wife has to not get fed up and stick with it.  If she yells or is rough with him, it will increase the problem.  Natural consequences is always good----  if he pushes his sister or upsets what she is playing with----  he has to help make it better.  I think as well, a 4 year old and 2 year old need constant supervision and his attention should be diverted away from his sister.  Give the sister something to do while mom works on handwriting with the boy.  Do a craft.  Play games, etc.  Filling up their free time that way makes for a more peaceful day.  good luck

[bearfan54]

Oh he does great in school and around other people he is a sweetheart!!!  But when he is home with my wife and daughter he is a terror.  He used to listen to me and that is also going down hill as well.  But like I said he is a totally different boy at school and around others.

[RockRose]

bearfan,  it sounds like from your other post that your 4 year old son is non-verbal?  This is a HUGE piece of the puzzle.  I don't know that you can line him up behaviorally with children who are on target for language.  

Do you have a diagnosis for why he is not speaking?  Does his hearing seem normal?  It seems hard to think that these behavioral issues can be resolved before the communication issues are resolved.

You sound like a great dad.  I hope this works out for you and your son.