6 year old doesn't want to poop

[natesmom616]

I hope that I'm in the correct forum for this.  I have a 6 year old (7) in June of this year who does not like to poop.  He was potty trained fairly quickly when younger and had no real problems.  A few years ago, I noticed that he would go for days without having a bowel movement.  When I'd ask him about it, he'd tell me that he didn't have to go, though it was obvious that he did and was holding it in. If he was standing, he'd run to a chair or the floor and sit down and rock or shake his legs or something.  I took him to his pediatrician who thought that possibly he'd had a very large bowel movement at one time and it caused some pain. (He is rather small. At almost 7 yrs of age, he is in a size 4)He believed maybe this made my son apprehensive about going for fear of the pain.  He put him on a bulk stool softener.  This did help him go more often, but only because he can only "hold it" for so long.  For a little while it got better.  He hasn't been on the softener for over a year and half.  However, this is still a problem.  I can tell when he has to go, though he will deny it every time.  I've tried everything from trying to explain how it can hurt his body to hold it in, not allowing him to go places if he hasn't gone and I know he has to go, and even rewards for going. On the rare occasion that he does go without holding it, I'm always quick to tell him how proud I am that he isn't holding it in.  Every time he goes, I ask him if it causes him pain and he says no.  He says that he doesn't like the way it feels.  I've explained that he will have to poop for the rest of his life, regardless of if he doesn't like the feel of it.  He's never constipated and his stools always seem soft, though formed.
Then, last week, he said that when he goes, it hurts his stomach.  At first I thought maybe this was his stomach cramping up when he has a bowel movement.  But I asked him to show me where it hurt and he pointed to his lower abdomen and then also pointed up higher in the center of his torso.  
Is this most likely a psychological issue?  Or can it be medical.  It's not that he doesn't HAVE to go.  By his behavior, I would guess that he would have a bowel movement every other day at the very least.  The urge to go is there, he just holds it and holds it and holds it.  If I wasn't watching, he'd hold it for up to 5 or 6 days.  Could this be a medical issue?   Should I take him to a specialists?  I'm at a loss as to what to do.  Any suggestions or comments are appreciated.  

[brooklyn4girl]

I am just joining this group and reading old entries- how did your son's issue get resolved? My niece is the same.  Thank you

[kelz87]

omg im glad im not the only one this is soo frustrating my boy is 4years and 2 months and i also have a 1 month old it is sooo hard having to change his undies and clean him upto 14 times a day sometimes not to mention looking after my baby boy aswell its just such hard work... he has always been fine with the whole weeing thats been no problem but with pooing he hates it. he is on pamole and lactose plus cream to put on him 4 times a day (as we found out he did a poo and it hurt and he got a little cut and thats why he is scared of going and just holds on) we have a routine of sitting on the toilet after meal times for 10 min and reading books but he will hardly do anythink then he puts on his undies and dose a tiny bit ... i dont know what else to do...rung up the docotors again and he just tells us to stick at it .. its so upsetting seeing him like this and he gets embarrassed by it expeacily when there are other kids around .. help its been carrying on for 2 years!!!

[BearymamaJr]

My son will be 6 in May of this year and won't poop on the toilet.  I was happier than you can know to find this thread of other mothers that are going through the exact same thing I am.

My son's issue is not that he holds it, it's that he just emphatically refuses to poop on the potty.  It has been an ongoing frustration for 3 years and I am now getting pressure from his daycare as well as his school to have the problem corrected.  I have taken him to the doctor (who has told me that this is normal and that he will grow out of it) but as it is becoming more and more problematic I feel this pressure more and more.

My frustration lies in when we have talks about having an accident in his pants, he knows what to do.  He knows that if he needs to go poop he needs to go to the bathroom, when he's at school or daycare, he knows that he needs to tell his teacher so that she can take him to the bathroom.  There are days when he will have 2 BMs, and I mean full BMs and he won't even come and tell us that he's had an accident.

As soon as either his dad or I come into the room he is in, he suddenly complains that he's itchy, but this is only after he's pooped and it's our indicator that he's had an accident.  

I've asked him many times and in different ways if it hurts his tummy inside or out when he poops, if he's scared, if he's worried, or if his body tells him he needs to go poop (I'm worried about damaged nerve endings here, I went to school with a girl who had damaged nerve endings and couldn't feel it when she needed to go). His answer to all is always no, it doesn't hurt, yes I'm scared (but won't tell us why), no he isn't worried and yes his body tells him he needs to go.  

We've been to the doctor on many occassions and the result is the same every time. I've read on other sites to allow him the option to poop in a pull up or diaper and then make progressive steps towards sitting on the potty to poop. Has anyone tried this and have you been successful?  It's just one of many new ideas I've had in the wake of reluctant support from medical staff.

If anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears!  Thank you so much for starting this thread, it's good to know that I'm in good company.

[mommabear2006]

My son just turned 6 years old and has been holding his poop since he was 3.  He was very easily potty trained.  From the time he was born he has been a "sensitive" child.  At first we thought  he was chronically constipated.  Miralax seemed to help the texture but not the tendency to hold. We realized by age 4 that this was much more than constipation and looked to other reasons.  We asked him why he doesn't like to poop and he explained that it "feels good to hold it."  We talked about the consequences of holding, but that did not work.  We decided to take him to a child psychologist.   She explained that holding makes children feel safe sometimes.  They don't have control over many things.  This is one thing they can control.  My son has shades of General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Social Phobia.  We've learned that his holding may also be a sign of OCD.  My son has taught me patience, acceptance and letting go.
The best decision we made was to let him face the consequences of his choices.  It's his poop.  He has the choice.  He knows that if he goes past 5 days that we may have to bring him to the doctor.  His holding never goes past 5.  Remaining calm and not making a big deal either way has helped.  Go to www.worrywisekids.org for more info on GAD, Social Anxiety and OCD.  Parenting is not for the faint of heart:)

[Havenkidz]

My 7 yr old still holds it, gets caught unaware, needs to rush to bathroom. My pediatrician took a class to learn more about it. She saw a surge in her patients with it. It could be triggered by formula or shots. I also note upper intestinal pain. As always, his poops are big- adult size.  Going on 5 years now.  This is not just encopresis. Docs are wrong. This should have it's own name.  Triggered by  what??? Our collective knowledge on sites like this will affect change. Doc said 10 percent of the kids she saw had this. She only took the class after I showed her video of son doing the poopy avoidance dance screaming in pain and vomiting. Take a movie and show your doc. We must be the change we want. This is not just psychological. I have my doubt set on 6 shots at once on 2 year olds. Also hubby was very generous with pediasure formula. My milk dried up when I became pregnant w next child. Look at ingredient list in pediasure. They also are having some class action lawsuits with dairy not soy formulas. Not sure what it's about. Lastly in the horrors of my brains database is the statistic that 1 in every 7 boys is sexually abused. It crosses all classes, races,socioeconomic statuses. We really need to take this further-if my doc says its up to 20 percent of kids-something's wrong.

[Mumma007]

Hi there
My daughter is almost 6 now she has had the pooping issues for as long as she's been eating solids. It used to get so bad she would stand shaking and sweating, however she did just let it out most times these times where different, she would usually go and hide somewhere and then do the biggestest poops I have ever seen, I always felt so sorry for her. I have started giving her pears in juice now which seems to get things moving easier for her, it used to be so bad that she would actually have poop seeping out into her underwear, poor poppet, but now we have made it a positive experience and she has great pleasure in letting me no that she has got her poo out :) however I am worried that there could be a more serious problem? Because when I took her to the peds when she was little ( and she got put on all the lacksitives ) that if she had not growen out of it by five she may have a serious stomach issuse? Has anyone else been told this? Or heard anything?