6 year old doesn't want to poop

[natesmom616]

I hope that I'm in the correct forum for this.  I have a 6 year old (7) in June of this year who does not like to poop.  He was potty trained fairly quickly when younger and had no real problems.  A few years ago, I noticed that he would go for days without having a bowel movement.  When I'd ask him about it, he'd tell me that he didn't have to go, though it was obvious that he did and was holding it in. If he was standing, he'd run to a chair or the floor and sit down and rock or shake his legs or something.  I took him to his pediatrician who thought that possibly he'd had a very large bowel movement at one time and it caused some pain. (He is rather small. At almost 7 yrs of age, he is in a size 4)He believed maybe this made my son apprehensive about going for fear of the pain.  He put him on a bulk stool softener.  This did help him go more often, but only because he can only "hold it" for so long.  For a little while it got better.  He hasn't been on the softener for over a year and half.  However, this is still a problem.  I can tell when he has to go, though he will deny it every time.  I've tried everything from trying to explain how it can hurt his body to hold it in, not allowing him to go places if he hasn't gone and I know he has to go, and even rewards for going. On the rare occasion that he does go without holding it, I'm always quick to tell him how proud I am that he isn't holding it in.  Every time he goes, I ask him if it causes him pain and he says no.  He says that he doesn't like the way it feels.  I've explained that he will have to poop for the rest of his life, regardless of if he doesn't like the feel of it.  He's never constipated and his stools always seem soft, though formed.
Then, last week, he said that when he goes, it hurts his stomach.  At first I thought maybe this was his stomach cramping up when he has a bowel movement.  But I asked him to show me where it hurt and he pointed to his lower abdomen and then also pointed up higher in the center of his torso.  
Is this most likely a psychological issue?  Or can it be medical.  It's not that he doesn't HAVE to go.  By his behavior, I would guess that he would have a bowel movement every other day at the very least.  The urge to go is there, he just holds it and holds it and holds it.  If I wasn't watching, he'd hold it for up to 5 or 6 days.  Could this be a medical issue?   Should I take him to a specialists?  I'm at a loss as to what to do.  Any suggestions or comments are appreciated.  

[audreyellencook]

I'm amazed at the number of people struggling with this problem! I ended up reading this because my 5yr old has pooped in his sleep the last three nights in a row and I'm wondering what's up. He is very regular usually, though he has a definite routine. He comes and tells me he has to poo and I say "Go ahead, I'll be in in a minute" and he says "Okay, I will tell you when I"m done." It's the same every time, and he has to be naked to poop, he won't go anywhere but at home, and he won't wipe himself (yet...). So it's weird to me that he's holding it in lately. I wonder if it's a control thing or stress related. I guess the main reason I worry is because I held it in as a child and it actually caused a lot of problems. All I can say to all of you is that it's good that you noticed! I think since I was the youngest and my parents were busy they just assumed I was independent enough to be going on my own once I was potty trained and they never questioned that I wasn't. I would hold it in for as long as possible, and like someone said earlier it felt good, physically and emotionally. But it became a pattern, it felt good to hold it in, but then I'd hold it so long that when I finally did go it hurt like crazy, so the fear of the pain made me hold it in, etc etc. It became a cycle. And then it just became habit to the point that I didn't question that it should be any other way until I got a job at a health food store my senior year of high school. So many people would come in looking for natural laxatives saying that they were constipated and only pooped every couple of days. I was incredulous, I couldn't believe a person could go that often!! I only pooped maybe twice a month. And I clogged the toilet each and every time. Which added to the cycle, I tried not to poo anywhere else for fear of clogging the toilet (which happened a lot, I spent a lot of time searching for plungers in people's bathrooms and trying not to let on what was going on in there.) It had gotten to the point that I would often cry and bleed when I pooped. At the store I found a book we sold all about the bodily process of elimination. I got scared and realized it was a big issue and started taking laxatives and changing my diet to relieve the constipation and being very conscious to not hold it in. It took a long time, I think my body had forgotten how to go normally. I'm surprised I didn't have Diverticulitis or something! I still wasn't as regular as I would like but I was going every three days or so. It wasn't until after I had my first baby that I became regular. Pregnancy somehow helped me. But I wouldn't be surprised if I did some lasting damage, I'm almost scared to have my colon looked at. I'm sure I had anal fissures and tearing. I still occasionally fight the urge to hold it in, there is definitely a compulsive element to it. It's a complex issue and every child is different but had my parents noticed and tried to help, I'm sure at some point they would have figured out a way. As an adult when I told my mom all of this she was flabbergasted and riddled with guilt. She had always been as regular as a clock and she said it just never occurred to her that I had a problem. But I didn't realize I had a problem, it's just what I was used to. So kudos to all of you who are actively trying to help your child! I think had my parents talked to me about it and kept on me about it, I would eventually have stopped because I would have realized it was bad for me and been conscious of their concern. But left unchecked it can definitely cause problems! Good luck to all of you!

[emmieb1983]

I have never been so relived to have found a post like this, my 8 year old son refuses to pass a BM it has been this way since he was potty trained, i know all the signs and have tried the taking away of things he loves etc, i've tried everything. I go to the doctors and they just prescribe softners and laxatives....which he doesnt need as he can go, he just holds it. I truely beleive this stems back to when he was young, around 3yrs old, he passed a BM and it got stuck, he couldnt physically get it asll the way out and it ended with me having to remove it so his bottom could relax and close, since then he will hold it for a week before the desperation takes over and he has no choice to go. Its causes so many problems, he gets very angry when he reaches this stage, he wont eat, but is hungry, he wont go out or do things as hes forever needing to run off and hide so he can sit and stop it coming. After reading this post it has made me realise i need to be much more than a nodding dog, and to take him tomorrow to see our GP and get some help. He doesnt need drugs, he needs help with his fear of going, and they'll listen to me or i wont be leaving the surgery. Thank you all for allowing me to see that I am not alone, and this 'problem' is a serious issue that needs to be resolved

[Sophiemum]

I also thought i was the only one going through this, my daughter is 5 and has had problems with pooping now for 3 years, it is not getting any better and i was thinking of going for medical help, she says it doesn,t hurt, but she doesn,t like the smell. When she does go she is shaky but really proud of herself, i have tried the gentle approach, but i also get frustrated and get wound up, i have tried to talk to her about why she must go. Recently we started potty training her 3 y/o sister who has autism, and surprisingly acheived this in 1 week. I thought seeing her sister poop in the potty with no problems would encourage her, but if anything i think it made her worse.  I just hope none of this effects her brother who is 2, and as yet shows no inerest in the potty.

[rockymax]

Thank you all for your comments on this, it has been helpful for me to see that my 5 year old seems normal enough!!  My 4 year old has been easy as, because I have not put so much pressure on all of this, he prettty much toilet trained himself and we used to just put a nappy on for him to do a poo until he was happy to go to the toilet.  My 5 year old, is curling his toes, sitting and wriggling and dancing, but when I say go to the toilet, he says he doesn't have to.... until I make him, then he is relieved, we have poo books and fart discussions.... but he will hold it in.

One thing I was thinking of, after reading your posts, was that 1/ I had concerns about it being OCD, and also Freud's thing - it is about control.  I think that the best thing is to give my son other things that he is in control of.  

It may lessen the control on this.... he is also very busy, so I think a lot of times he just doesn't want to miss out!

Thank you for your help - I hope that this may shed some light on it for others too!!

I am wondering if I might introduce other things that Oliver has control over

[toptrumps]

I'm 37 and used to hold mine in until my early teens.  There is one thing no-one has mentioned (i think) that apart from the scared of going because of a painful stool there is another factor.  It actually feels good to hold it in.  I know this sounds strange but I asked my 5 year old why he does it and he said he likes the feeling.  This took me back to my childhood and it's true, it does feel good to hold it in.  It's very hard to explain what it feels like but I'd say it feels similar to the instant after it comes out.  
So the problem is two fold, scared of the pain and then enjoying holding it in.  Even today I generally wait until the last minute to go (I don't hold it in by the way) which must be a throw back to my childhood days.  All I can say to all the worried Parents is that I have grown up healthy and normal and enjoying my childhood without it affecting any friendships etc.  Try not to worry, you child should grow up normally regardless!!

[Wiltshire_wench]

I am so pleased I have read this site....I was starting to think I was "the only one" with a child doing this. My daughter is 5 and has been withholding poo for the last couple of years. the doctor has perscribed Movicol but this doesn't seem to be helping. Like others I have tried reward charts and bribery but to no avail. She will not go for 4-5 days and then have a massive movement, only because she can't keep it in anymore. When she has an accident she gets very upset, I sit her on the loo where she tries to go, but she tells me the poo doesn't want to come out. I am at a loss as to what to do next, I seem to spend all my time scrubbing and soaking her knickers, As someone else said I too am afraid to go out with her and her brother for fear of an "accident". My son had a constipation episode when he was a year old and the specialist told me it can take a year for the bowel to remember how to work properly. Fortunately once the year had past my son was ok and has had no problems since.