Aggressive behaviour

[KThrace]

My 5 year old son has become very aggressive and rude. We have had a very loving close relationship up until now. I have found he becomes aggressive and defiant when ever I make a simple request such as "lets brush our teeth" "can you get dressed" "time for school" I have been kicked, punched, headbutted, threatened, swore at. I was a firm believer in timeout until now and we have reward charts and we are consistant. Timeout was effective until he decided he didn't want to sit there anymore and taking him back just made the situation worse, it becomes a wrestling match. I am trying to get to the bottom of his behaviour as it seems to be just me it is directed at. He is well behaved at school, has lots of friends, plays well and is not half as aggressive with my spouse and is a very good big brother. I can't think of anything that has changed in the household over the past 6months that would make him behave this way. Having spoken to him I get a mix of reasons, he doesn't want to, he's tired, he doesn't like leaving me when he goes to school. I really need help on how to deal with the aggressive behaviour, how do I get him to calm down in the moment and get him to complete the simple request? Talking, reasoning, timeout does not work anymore. What do I do, when I'm being hit, kicked etc I have a little girl who is learning the behaviour and need to consider her too, so I can't remove myself from the room.

[Sandman2]

    The constantly complaining about being tired is bothersome.  It also seems like his bad  behavior is mainly in the morning and not after school?  I would spend at least some time checking this out.  Try and look in on him at night and see how he is sleeping.  Does he snore or make loud breathing sounds which could show breathing problems.  Maybe have him checked out physically to look for problems that might cause sleep problems.  Realize that his going to bed time has very little to do with things that would cause restlessness at night.  You could even get a small night vision camera that hooks up to your computer to check him out at night.
   I realize that his problems may have nothing to do with sleep.  But his complaints about being tired are a bit unusual.  I also included this link to an article of sleep problems as it gives you a feeling for what the lack of sleep can do.
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/04/080407160751.htm
    And, of course, its possible that he is just being a kind of normal 5 or 6 year old boy going through a stage.  I would certainly rule out the sleep thing before embarking on any strong behavioral changes.  Speaking of which, a book that gets recommended a lot is, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.  She focuses mainly on the timeout system and gives a lot of detail on how to make it work.
  The other thought is that you said he does not like leaving you to go to school.  Did he have these problems in the morning before he started school?  In the summertime or during preschool?  Part of what he is doing certainly sounds like avoidance behavior.  Is there something about school that is bothering him.  You said that you can't think of anything that has changed in your house over the last 6 months.  Well school started about 6 months ago.  Which I guess leads to another question - how long has this been going on?  I would check back in with his school and see how he is doing.  Ask him how he likes school.  Maybe ask some of the playground people or his friends how he is doing.  If all of this action is happening before school - that might be part of the problem.  If he is still really grouchy and mad, etc. after school, then it could be more of the lack of sleep thing.  Hope some of this helps.  Good luck.

[KThrace]

Yes I am the disipliner as my husband is at work until late but it's worth trying when he is here.

He seems to sleep OK but wakes very early in the morning. He constantly complains he is tired but it doesn't matter what time he goes to bed he will always wake at about 6am. his usual bedtime is 7.30pm as before this he just won't go to sleep.

[Sandman2]

  How well does he sleep at night?  I have seen similar situations where because the child wasn't getting enough sleep at night they had similar reactions.  There has even been situations where a child was diagnosed with ADHD, and it was sleep deprivation that was making the child so hyper.

[cheshchesh819]

Are you the disipliner in your house? sometimes us as mothers always look like the nags because we are the ones with them most of the times teaching them right from wrong and in turn the husband is the playmate,maybe you should ask your husband to take charge for a while and see how that goes,you could also speak to your doctor about this