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Five year old Son - Anger Issue? - Help, please!
I have been having quite a time with my 5 year old son. He is the youngest of my four children and has been displaying problems for over a year now.
He can be the sweetest, most loving child. He can be so sweet ... sit with me for a long time ... he loves to be hugged and loves to show emotion at times. He behaves, uses manners, says yes please, no thank you .. etc. He'll do what he's asked or told to do and with no arguments -- it's great.
Then, he can turn in an instant. You almost don't know when this will happen. It doesn't have to be anything to make him mad -- it can be just after he wakes up or it can be after he gets home from school. He's even done a couple of things at school (recently) -- nothing as serious at home, but I'm worried that it's escalating in nature. Sometimes the change can be due to being told no, being asked to do something, one of his friends not playing with him, his brother or sister not playing with him ... etc. Sometime it can be something serious that causes the change and sometimes it can be be little .. and sometimes absoltuely nothing at all, there is no pattern in what causes it.
When he gets angry ... his eyes get big -- he starts breathing angrily -- big, deep breaths that you can hear ... He'll yell, he'll run at you and hit, kick, scratch you. He has had times when he says I hate you, or I want a new Mom (sister, brother, etc.) He'll say he wants to go to a new home, he'll even escalate at times and say he wants to kill you or he has stab he'll stab you - etc. He can be just angry and mad or he can say really violent things -- again, no pattern. It's really scary.
When he's in his good moods, we almost all walk on eggshells and I know it shouldn't be that way. We do almost anything we can to "preserve" the good moments and try to make the angry moments less. The problem is, we can't always know when one might come on and almost anything (or nothing at all) can trigger it.
When he gets angry -- we just don't know what to do. Yelling is no good, we all know that. If someone yells back - or threatens to spank -- or tries to spank .. he just thinks you're fighting with him. It's no good. However, he won't do time out ... or anything "rational" because he's in a completely unrational state. I wish I could explain it better, but I really don't know how to.
I've looked into behavior therapy, but everything is out of network and they want tons of money to start any kind of therapy. I don't think simple counseling is going to help my son -- when he's not in his moments - he doesn't understand what you're talking about ... why you're talking to him about being angry -- or, you run the possbiltiy of getting him angry just by talking about it. When he's in his anger state -- he won't listen. Nothing you say gets to him, it's as if his sense of hearing is turned off and everything irrational has turned on suddenly.
Help, please! I love my son and do not want this problem to escalate to something more serious. I am so worried that things have been slowly escalating as he didn't use to act this way at school .. but, in the past two weeks .... I've been called once by his principal because he (my five year old son in Kindergarten) kicked a third grader in the bathroom and left marks on him. Then, the other day he got angry at his teacher and took his glasses off and broke them -- just because he was angry.
Oh, that's something I forgot to include -- he does break things, tear things up, and throw things. If you send him to his room -- or if he's in a room that has things in it ... when he's angry, he will break or throw things. Just today he threw things around in my daughter's room and we've yet to get him to clean them. He just doesn't respond to us when he gets in these modes. They can last anywhere from a few minutes to the whole day.
If anyone has been through anything similar, please let me know -- or, if you have any ideas / thoughts on what I can do for him.
Thanks for listening (well, reading)!
He can be the sweetest, most loving child. He can be so sweet ... sit with me for a long time ... he loves to be hugged and loves to show emotion at times. He behaves, uses manners, says yes please, no thank you .. etc. He'll do what he's asked or told to do and with no arguments -- it's great.
Then, he can turn in an instant. You almost don't know when this will happen. It doesn't have to be anything to make him mad -- it can be just after he wakes up or it can be after he gets home from school. He's even done a couple of things at school (recently) -- nothing as serious at home, but I'm worried that it's escalating in nature. Sometimes the change can be due to being told no, being asked to do something, one of his friends not playing with him, his brother or sister not playing with him ... etc. Sometime it can be something serious that causes the change and sometimes it can be be little .. and sometimes absoltuely nothing at all, there is no pattern in what causes it.
When he gets angry ... his eyes get big -- he starts breathing angrily -- big, deep breaths that you can hear ... He'll yell, he'll run at you and hit, kick, scratch you. He has had times when he says I hate you, or I want a new Mom (sister, brother, etc.) He'll say he wants to go to a new home, he'll even escalate at times and say he wants to kill you or he has stab he'll stab you - etc. He can be just angry and mad or he can say really violent things -- again, no pattern. It's really scary.
When he's in his good moods, we almost all walk on eggshells and I know it shouldn't be that way. We do almost anything we can to "preserve" the good moments and try to make the angry moments less. The problem is, we can't always know when one might come on and almost anything (or nothing at all) can trigger it.
When he gets angry -- we just don't know what to do. Yelling is no good, we all know that. If someone yells back - or threatens to spank -- or tries to spank .. he just thinks you're fighting with him. It's no good. However, he won't do time out ... or anything "rational" because he's in a completely unrational state. I wish I could explain it better, but I really don't know how to.
I've looked into behavior therapy, but everything is out of network and they want tons of money to start any kind of therapy. I don't think simple counseling is going to help my son -- when he's not in his moments - he doesn't understand what you're talking about ... why you're talking to him about being angry -- or, you run the possbiltiy of getting him angry just by talking about it. When he's in his anger state -- he won't listen. Nothing you say gets to him, it's as if his sense of hearing is turned off and everything irrational has turned on suddenly.
Help, please! I love my son and do not want this problem to escalate to something more serious. I am so worried that things have been slowly escalating as he didn't use to act this way at school .. but, in the past two weeks .... I've been called once by his principal because he (my five year old son in Kindergarten) kicked a third grader in the bathroom and left marks on him. Then, the other day he got angry at his teacher and took his glasses off and broke them -- just because he was angry.
Oh, that's something I forgot to include -- he does break things, tear things up, and throw things. If you send him to his room -- or if he's in a room that has things in it ... when he's angry, he will break or throw things. Just today he threw things around in my daughter's room and we've yet to get him to clean them. He just doesn't respond to us when he gets in these modes. They can last anywhere from a few minutes to the whole day.
If anyone has been through anything similar, please let me know -- or, if you have any ideas / thoughts on what I can do for him.
Thanks for listening (well, reading)!
OMG my names Candice could you please email me ***@****. Thanks to much to type. Thanks be looking forward to hearing from you my sons going to be 8 been doing this since 1yrs old and since 2nd graded started its been everyday. Thanks would love to hear from you.
My Granddaughter has all these problems talked about. My daughter is ready to give up and even asked me to take the granddaughter. I don't think that this is the answer. Please help us.
I just read this article...it sounds like you have had my 5year old in your home and are explaining it perfectly! I havent even read the comments yet, I just had to tell you that I am in the EXACT same situation! He yells, throws stuff, breaks things, tells me (and the family) that he hates me and he wants to live somewhere else, etc. He hates his life, he TRULY believes that he is the only one that gets in trouble. I have a six year old as well, and even when they are both in trouble my five year old screams "WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE IN TROUBLE??!!!" I dont know what to do... and he cries after his anger out bursts and it makes me feel like he cant control it so i hug him and hold him, and that makes my husband mad because its me babying him for doing something wrong. I'm going to read the comments now, hopefully get helpful hints. I hope you found helpful hints, because I understand what you're going through. Thank God my son hasnt acted out at school, AT ALL! Teachers describe a kid I swear I havent seen in a long time. He wasnt always this angry.. he was always so lovable (always called him my cuddle buddy) but things have changed!
Afer ruling out medical or psicological problems what has work for us is making him write a page " the unwanted behavior" he does not like to write and he loves electronics (tv,ds,Wi ,Computer) so what worked for us is being as calm as we can be(hard but we have mastered it) take the notebook out and tell him until i dont see this page finish you can not have electronics and walk away , we decided to do this because it was getting to be imposible to have him do time out since we will have to chase him etc..and could get phisical in terms of holding him to stay in time out and I find out it only scalate the situation , at the beginning he always tell me he does not care ,I have a place were I have tv remotes and electronics that he can not get to them,I just go on with what I am doing and eventually he gets tired and starts writing, it takes time but eventually he gets that it is easier to listen to mommy than to write a page, we use it outside, he just gets to write when we get home, no screaming ,just one warning, usually goes "you stop ____________ or you are writing a sentence when we get home" he does not stop we follow up, even if he forgot all about when we got home,he still has to do it before any electronics when he gets home,
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