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Five year old Son - Anger Issue? - Help, please!
I have been having quite a time with my 5 year old son. He is the youngest of my four children and has been displaying problems for over a year now.
He can be the sweetest, most loving child. He can be so sweet ... sit with me for a long time ... he loves to be hugged and loves to show emotion at times. He behaves, uses manners, says yes please, no thank you .. etc. He'll do what he's asked or told to do and with no arguments -- it's great.
Then, he can turn in an instant. You almost don't know when this will happen. It doesn't have to be anything to make him mad -- it can be just after he wakes up or it can be after he gets home from school. He's even done a couple of things at school (recently) -- nothing as serious at home, but I'm worried that it's escalating in nature. Sometimes the change can be due to being told no, being asked to do something, one of his friends not playing with him, his brother or sister not playing with him ... etc. Sometime it can be something serious that causes the change and sometimes it can be be little .. and sometimes absoltuely nothing at all, there is no pattern in what causes it.
When he gets angry ... his eyes get big -- he starts breathing angrily -- big, deep breaths that you can hear ... He'll yell, he'll run at you and hit, kick, scratch you. He has had times when he says I hate you, or I want a new Mom (sister, brother, etc.) He'll say he wants to go to a new home, he'll even escalate at times and say he wants to kill you or he has stab he'll stab you - etc. He can be just angry and mad or he can say really violent things -- again, no pattern. It's really scary.
When he's in his good moods, we almost all walk on eggshells and I know it shouldn't be that way. We do almost anything we can to "preserve" the good moments and try to make the angry moments less. The problem is, we can't always know when one might come on and almost anything (or nothing at all) can trigger it.
When he gets angry -- we just don't know what to do. Yelling is no good, we all know that. If someone yells back - or threatens to spank -- or tries to spank .. he just thinks you're fighting with him. It's no good. However, he won't do time out ... or anything "rational" because he's in a completely unrational state. I wish I could explain it better, but I really don't know how to.
I've looked into behavior therapy, but everything is out of network and they want tons of money to start any kind of therapy. I don't think simple counseling is going to help my son -- when he's not in his moments - he doesn't understand what you're talking about ... why you're talking to him about being angry -- or, you run the possbiltiy of getting him angry just by talking about it. When he's in his anger state -- he won't listen. Nothing you say gets to him, it's as if his sense of hearing is turned off and everything irrational has turned on suddenly.
Help, please! I love my son and do not want this problem to escalate to something more serious. I am so worried that things have been slowly escalating as he didn't use to act this way at school .. but, in the past two weeks .... I've been called once by his principal because he (my five year old son in Kindergarten) kicked a third grader in the bathroom and left marks on him. Then, the other day he got angry at his teacher and took his glasses off and broke them -- just because he was angry.
Oh, that's something I forgot to include -- he does break things, tear things up, and throw things. If you send him to his room -- or if he's in a room that has things in it ... when he's angry, he will break or throw things. Just today he threw things around in my daughter's room and we've yet to get him to clean them. He just doesn't respond to us when he gets in these modes. They can last anywhere from a few minutes to the whole day.
If anyone has been through anything similar, please let me know -- or, if you have any ideas / thoughts on what I can do for him.
Thanks for listening (well, reading)!
He can be the sweetest, most loving child. He can be so sweet ... sit with me for a long time ... he loves to be hugged and loves to show emotion at times. He behaves, uses manners, says yes please, no thank you .. etc. He'll do what he's asked or told to do and with no arguments -- it's great.
Then, he can turn in an instant. You almost don't know when this will happen. It doesn't have to be anything to make him mad -- it can be just after he wakes up or it can be after he gets home from school. He's even done a couple of things at school (recently) -- nothing as serious at home, but I'm worried that it's escalating in nature. Sometimes the change can be due to being told no, being asked to do something, one of his friends not playing with him, his brother or sister not playing with him ... etc. Sometime it can be something serious that causes the change and sometimes it can be be little .. and sometimes absoltuely nothing at all, there is no pattern in what causes it.
When he gets angry ... his eyes get big -- he starts breathing angrily -- big, deep breaths that you can hear ... He'll yell, he'll run at you and hit, kick, scratch you. He has had times when he says I hate you, or I want a new Mom (sister, brother, etc.) He'll say he wants to go to a new home, he'll even escalate at times and say he wants to kill you or he has stab he'll stab you - etc. He can be just angry and mad or he can say really violent things -- again, no pattern. It's really scary.
When he's in his good moods, we almost all walk on eggshells and I know it shouldn't be that way. We do almost anything we can to "preserve" the good moments and try to make the angry moments less. The problem is, we can't always know when one might come on and almost anything (or nothing at all) can trigger it.
When he gets angry -- we just don't know what to do. Yelling is no good, we all know that. If someone yells back - or threatens to spank -- or tries to spank .. he just thinks you're fighting with him. It's no good. However, he won't do time out ... or anything "rational" because he's in a completely unrational state. I wish I could explain it better, but I really don't know how to.
I've looked into behavior therapy, but everything is out of network and they want tons of money to start any kind of therapy. I don't think simple counseling is going to help my son -- when he's not in his moments - he doesn't understand what you're talking about ... why you're talking to him about being angry -- or, you run the possbiltiy of getting him angry just by talking about it. When he's in his anger state -- he won't listen. Nothing you say gets to him, it's as if his sense of hearing is turned off and everything irrational has turned on suddenly.
Help, please! I love my son and do not want this problem to escalate to something more serious. I am so worried that things have been slowly escalating as he didn't use to act this way at school .. but, in the past two weeks .... I've been called once by his principal because he (my five year old son in Kindergarten) kicked a third grader in the bathroom and left marks on him. Then, the other day he got angry at his teacher and took his glasses off and broke them -- just because he was angry.
Oh, that's something I forgot to include -- he does break things, tear things up, and throw things. If you send him to his room -- or if he's in a room that has things in it ... when he's angry, he will break or throw things. Just today he threw things around in my daughter's room and we've yet to get him to clean them. He just doesn't respond to us when he gets in these modes. They can last anywhere from a few minutes to the whole day.
If anyone has been through anything similar, please let me know -- or, if you have any ideas / thoughts on what I can do for him.
Thanks for listening (well, reading)!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Unfortunately Natta's post was over 4 years ago and I doubt that she will respond. There are many other good ideas above if you take the time to read them. Or, you might want to start your own post and give some specific areas that you need help with and we will see what we can suggest. Best wishes.
I would love to know what worked for you. I am struggling in similar ways with my 5.5 year old. My email is ***@****
COMMUNITY LEADER
A child with ADHD is difficult to deal with. I know as I am also the CL on the ADHD forum, and I have seen many posts like yours. The problem is that a child with ADHD does have to be treated differently than a child without ADHD. And until you can understand how ADHD effects the child and what the child is going though, its pretty hard to change his behavior.
A couple of good resources for you as it would take me pages to explain what to do. The book I recommend the most is, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. Its about $10 on Amazon. It will be worth every penny you spend.
I would also check out this web site and its many ideas for working with an ADHD child. http://www.additudemag.com/search/keyword/ADHD%20and%20Discipline.html
Do realize that a child with ADHD acts without thinking, they have no choice (unless they are on meds, which can help with impulsive behaviors) in their actions at this age. Thus to punish him for everything is not good either for him or you. There are some things you just have to overlook. There are a lot of things that you have to head off before they happen. That is why all experts say that having a rigid schedule for the child is very important.
So get the book I mentioned. Check out all the ideas on the web site and feel free to ask any additional questions here http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175 ; where I will definitely see your post. Best wishes.
A couple of good resources for you as it would take me pages to explain what to do. The book I recommend the most is, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. Its about $10 on Amazon. It will be worth every penny you spend.
I would also check out this web site and its many ideas for working with an ADHD child. http://www.additudemag.com/search/keyword/ADHD%20and%20Discipline.html
Do realize that a child with ADHD acts without thinking, they have no choice (unless they are on meds, which can help with impulsive behaviors) in their actions at this age. Thus to punish him for everything is not good either for him or you. There are some things you just have to overlook. There are a lot of things that you have to head off before they happen. That is why all experts say that having a rigid schedule for the child is very important.
So get the book I mentioned. Check out all the ideas on the web site and feel free to ask any additional questions here http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175 ; where I will definitely see your post. Best wishes.
i am having the same issue with my 5 year old son he screams and hollers and hits his siblings I am on the verge of pulling my hair out he sees a doctor for his anger and come to find out he has ADHD and a learning disability but it is still hard to deal with him when he gets angry I punish him every time he does wrong but he still acts out and don't care if you spank him or put him in timeout maybe somebody can tell me what I can do thanks
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, you need to find out if he is bipolar or not since the treatments are very different.
This is a list of the differences between ADHD and Bipolar because they are very similar:
1. Destructiveness may be seen in both disorders but differs in origin. Children who are ADHD often break things carelessly while playing (“non-angry destructiveness”), whereas the major destructiveness of children who are bipolar is not a result of carelessness but tends to occur in anger. Children who are bipolar may exhibit severe temper tantrums during which they release manic quantities of physical and emotional energy, sometimes with violence and physical property destruction. They may even exhibit openly sadistic impulses.
2. The duration and intensity of physical outbursts and temper tantrums differs in the two disorders. Children who are ADHD usually calm down in twenty to thirty minutes, whereas children who are bipolar may continue to feel and act angry for up to four hours.
3. The degree of “regression” during angry episodes is typically more severe for children who are bipolar. It is rare to see an angry child who is ADHD display disorganized thinking, language, and body position, all of which may be seen in angry bipolar children during a tantrum. Children who are bipolar may also lose memory of the tantrum.
4. The “trigger” for temper tantrums is also different. Children who have ADHD are typically triggered by sensory and emotional over stimulation, whereas children who have bipolar disorder typically react to limit-setting, such as a parental “no.”
5. Disturbances during sleep in children with bipolar disorder include severe nightmares or night terrors often with themes of explicit gore and bodily mutilation.
6. Children who are bipolar often show giftedness in certain cognitive functions, especially verbal and artistic skills (perhaps with verbal precocity and punning by age two to three years).
7. The misbehavior in children with ADHD is often accidental and usually caused by oblivious inattention, whereas children with bipolar disorders intentionally provoke or misbehave. Some bipolar children are described as “the bully on the playground.”
8. The child with ADHD may engage in behavior that can lead to harmful consequences without being aware of the danger, whereas the child with bipolar disorder is risk seeking.
9. Bipolar children tend to have a strong early sexual interest and behavior.
10. Children with ADHD usually do not exhibit psychotic symptoms or reveal a loss of contact with reality, whereas children with bipolar disorder may exhibit gross distortions in the perception of reality or in the interpretation of emotional events.
This is a list of the differences between ADHD and Bipolar because they are very similar:
1. Destructiveness may be seen in both disorders but differs in origin. Children who are ADHD often break things carelessly while playing (“non-angry destructiveness”), whereas the major destructiveness of children who are bipolar is not a result of carelessness but tends to occur in anger. Children who are bipolar may exhibit severe temper tantrums during which they release manic quantities of physical and emotional energy, sometimes with violence and physical property destruction. They may even exhibit openly sadistic impulses.
2. The duration and intensity of physical outbursts and temper tantrums differs in the two disorders. Children who are ADHD usually calm down in twenty to thirty minutes, whereas children who are bipolar may continue to feel and act angry for up to four hours.
3. The degree of “regression” during angry episodes is typically more severe for children who are bipolar. It is rare to see an angry child who is ADHD display disorganized thinking, language, and body position, all of which may be seen in angry bipolar children during a tantrum. Children who are bipolar may also lose memory of the tantrum.
4. The “trigger” for temper tantrums is also different. Children who have ADHD are typically triggered by sensory and emotional over stimulation, whereas children who have bipolar disorder typically react to limit-setting, such as a parental “no.”
5. Disturbances during sleep in children with bipolar disorder include severe nightmares or night terrors often with themes of explicit gore and bodily mutilation.
6. Children who are bipolar often show giftedness in certain cognitive functions, especially verbal and artistic skills (perhaps with verbal precocity and punning by age two to three years).
7. The misbehavior in children with ADHD is often accidental and usually caused by oblivious inattention, whereas children with bipolar disorders intentionally provoke or misbehave. Some bipolar children are described as “the bully on the playground.”
8. The child with ADHD may engage in behavior that can lead to harmful consequences without being aware of the danger, whereas the child with bipolar disorder is risk seeking.
9. Bipolar children tend to have a strong early sexual interest and behavior.
10. Children with ADHD usually do not exhibit psychotic symptoms or reveal a loss of contact with reality, whereas children with bipolar disorder may exhibit gross distortions in the perception of reality or in the interpretation of emotional events.
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