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Avatar universal

I think my sons personality disorders are gradually worsening

In reading all of these posts Ive realized that I have spent the last few years of my childrens lives completely fooled,  and wrong in everything I thought of the way they acted.. I clearly ignored all of the signs of my sons having sociopathic and psychopathic traits, behaviors, and personality disorders.. I just thought they were bad kids.. I believed they were JUST defiant and spoiled and a product of coming from a single mother home.. I kept them involved and did my part to make them good decent people...for years they pretended to be social and have friends and be happy... but one day all of a sudden they just decided to stop playing sports, not have friends, and start doing everything they werent supposed to.. They "just dont care about anything"
some days they were "good kids" who just wouldnt listen or behave... some days i wanted to give up and accept defeat that this was not the life I wanted because they were uncontrollable... AS they got older we had fewer good days and more chaotic days...
more and more they stayed in trouble.. I loved them hard and over compensated to make up for their dead beat dad.... I thought they would out grow it and it would be different when they matured and dealt with constantly being denied and disappointed by their father... However my daughter who is the oldest and is 20 now grew up in the same circumstances, and is nothing like my sons....  When they were younger.. i thought it was a phase..
Now at 17 and 14 my sons are completely out of control...
They have zero remorse for anything they do. They plot on everyone in our life on ways to screw them over, rip them off, or just plain be mean and shady to them.... my oldest is agressive, angry, violent. He can flip out over the fact that someone looks at him for too long.. he trips out about the tiniest things- hes overly possessive of his belongings, yet steals and robs people blind.... he says if they have it and he dont and he wants it then he should be able to take it.. His reasoning behind everything is victim status.. he feel entitled.. the world owes him something..
hes always looking for a fight. he breaks everything, destroys my home, kicks doors off the frames, punches holes, hits anyone in his way... usually over absolutely nothing!!! I recently in the last year discovered that He was stealing money out of my purse.. i caught him once in the act and as he dropped the money down the back of his pants he stared me in my eyes and told me he didnt take it.. and it fell out the bottom of his basketball shorts.. He has broken into my parents house and stolen prescription medications from my dad who is a heart patient to sell them.
I had to take him off his own medication for ADHD because he was selling them stealing them and abusing them. He is the definition of a bully.. emotionally, mentally, and physically.. He lies alot- but not like his brother....  when he starts to feel like hes about to get in trouble he always diverts the attention and sways the confrontations toward his brother to take the attention off himself. when he is questioned about anything that is wrong or being reprimanded he goes into a rage immediately to divert the original conversation.. He has threatened to set me up with the police by putting drugs in my car or my house.. He told me if he can get rid of me and I go to jail he can be free- he will be 17 next week. I had him arrested for assaulting me last month- i finally broke down and did it, they took him to juvy, and they sent him home a week later.. I am so over it that I really just want him out of my home.
I thought he was the ringleader of the two but I was very wrong..
I found out tonight that on top of all of that, my youngest son who is 14 has psychopath written all over him.... Ive searched and read, and re-read and im telling you- all these years I thought my oldest son was just influencing his brother and that was BS.. My youngest is not abusive, nor does he draw attention to himself..he is low key... stays out of the limelight.. hes a loner, doesn't have any real friends.. he keeps to himself, and i thought he was just following in his brothers bad examples... He is quiet, kind, funny, witty, and well mannered.. i thought he was my "more potential" child..
He is, a pathological liar, he is a MASTER manipulator, he is obsessed with fire, bombs, guns, and I thought these were normal boy things. like he likes to watch it on the internet then do it at home. I thought it was because he was inquisitive and smart.... until now..

he has recently had several run ins with the cops.. curfew violation for assisting my cousin in stealing my aunts car and joyriding at 3 am, I found out TODAY that he is breaking into vehicles in local parking lots and stealing peoples wallets and valuables, cameras, etc, electronics..  on friday after school he left to go to a friends house and stayed missing until sunday and came home with 13 different versions of where the hell have you been after I found out he wasnt even with the friend..  all the while, expressionless, not sad, not sorry, not even finding fault in his actions... he sits there, like nothing I say to him registers. Its lie after lie, after Ridiculous excuse, then another lie, then a blank stare, then a left turn with the lies, and over and over..
After all of this came out in conversation tonight he then came to me and told me his mind is not right. He said that he has terrible sick thoughts all the time.. That he is a bad person and he cant stop thinking the way he does... sometimes he thinks of killing people and sometimes of killing himself to make everything go away... part of me believes him... There is something about him Ive known for his whole life that he is the type to bottle everything up and then completely snap one day and i am afraid and hurting for him..
I also cant tell if he is crying out for help because these thoughts and feelings are real, or if hes trying to manipulate me into believing hes doing these criminal things out of insanity and mental illness... I can't tell anymore... I never dreamed the terrible things my sons are doing would be happening... I am at a loss... I gave it to GOD a long time ago... but I just dont even know..
Do They need their A***es beat? More discipline???? We've done counseling.. Do they need drug treatment? Do they need bootcamp.. are they just bad misguided kids??Is this really a personality disorder that will not go away?? THEY know no consequence.. the rules do not apply to them.. and they have absolutely NO remorse... I know adults like them and they didn't outgrow these things.. Im afraid for my children.. they are at the age where they will start having legal consequences for their crazy ways....  Sorry this was so long... I had to get this off my chest. I know somebody out there gets it.. Prayers appreciated
5 Responses
189897 tn?1441130118
   Ouch, this was hard to read.  I feel for you!  There is nothing worse then to feel helpless and alone and you have gotta be close to that point.  
   I was not surprised to hear the oldest has ADHD as many of this symptoms and reactions are similar to what I have seen in the past.
     When did he first start on meds?  Was it not till he was a teenager?   And was stimulant meds the only thing he was put on or did they also have him on any other medications?
    While your younger son does not seem to fit the ADHD model, I would not be surprised to find out that he has ADD.  You might want to check out his link - https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/symptoms-of-inattentive-adhd/
   He is 14 - so in 8th grade?  How has he been doing in school?  Has the school been any help?   For that matter, has the school tried to help your older son at all?  He should be on a 504 plan with his ADHD.
Avatar universal
I also found this very heavy to read! It sounds like you've even reached a point of actually being afraid of them.
It seems to me that the most loving and motherly thing that you could do for them,  would be psychological evaluations for each and then to boot camp,  if possible. Tough love,  I believe,  would be the most caring and empathetic thing you could do for your boys, at this point. I wish you the best!
Avatar universal
Psych evaluations from a good psychiatrist is a great start! there are plenty of treatment options for youth with emotional/psychological disturbances... the psych unit can help also, if you are a threat to urself or other, that is grounds to be entered into a psych unit. Its a short stay generally used to partially stabilize and observe the patient and they are discharged when considered safe. Have you checked out NAMI? The National Alliance on Mental Illness is always a good start to looking at options! I hope ur family can find healing!
Avatar universal
I would most definitely have her tested for ADD. Lots of people throw the word around loosely when they are forgetful but ADD/ADHD is more than just forgetfulness. As a parent you know your child well enough to know when it is  normal kid forgetfulness or if it is a serious struggle for her. I have four kids. I myself was diagnosed 10 years ago long after my school days. If my mom would have known to get me help so many things would have been different for me. I failed miserably because my mind wouldnt remember anything when I needed it too even though I knew it really well. One of my sons has ADHD and after he was tested and they put him on a lose dose med he became less anxious for his fear of getting in trouble because he forgot something. The knowing there is something but just not knowing what isnt always lingering in my mind nor his and we can achieve more when we know we didnt forget something very important or throw something away or do something someone had ask us several times not to do but we genuinely forgot.
Avatar universal
My heart breaks for you and your family. Your story is nearly identical to my sister's and I believe that you need A LOT of serious help IMEDIATELY ! Please contact me as I have a LOT of info to pass on to you and many ideas to share as I've been through this with my sister before and know how desperate and dangerous this situation is.  Stay safe !
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189897 tn?1441130118
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