9 Year old wont sleep in her room and other troubles

[Mom2Abbi]

My 9 year old is afraid to sleep in her room.  She plays in her room and enjoys her room but at bedtime, she always goes to bed and after I am asleep, she gets up and either goes to the living room or her brothers room to sleep.  She said it was too much empty space on the wall, we bought a bunch of posters and art.  She said it was because the smoke alarm cover was off, we fixed it.  She said a spider came out of her vent, we now spray the vents every night to keep them out.  Every time she comes up with a reason, we fix it but she still says its creepy and scary upstairs. I have tried sleeping with her, but within an hour of the time I get up, she is back downstairs.  I have tried positive reenforcement, I have tried negative reenforcement.  If I offer a reward, she says she doesnt care.  If I take something away, she says she doesnt care.  Our 10 year old gets upset because he stays in his bed and feels it isnt fair that she doesnt have to stay in hers.  Im out of ideas to keep her in bed and its a growing problem.

Also, she is going on 10 years old but most of what comes out of her mouth is a whine.  She occasionally talks like a baby and behaves like she is 2 or 3.  She still throws tantrums.  She always must be told 3 or more times to do something and unless she is forced to do it, often ignores me.  My family all says she is a spoiled brat who is MY boss.  Ive lost the parenting edge and I understand that its my fault, I just dont know what to do or how to proceed at getting control back. Perhaps the sleeping issue is related...

Help!

[mccabe]

hi, i posted a similar forum on this subject a copule of weeks ago ,My son is 9 soon to be 10. He has a massive anxiety problem about sleeping alone. iIts been going on for about 3 yrs on and off. It started when we went out one eve and he was ill with a sitter ,he was 6, it really frightened him. He would love to go for sleepovers but tries and we have to pick him up feeling ill, soon he is going on a school trip for 3 nights, i have encouraged it but in dreading him going.How is your daughter with sleepovers etc... My son is fine during the day and well behaved. If im honest i end up sleeping with him most nights just to save all the stress every bed time.Maybe they will grow out of it. good luck.

[treazzure007]

Maybe it is some type of anxiety issue or something else.  Age 9 is old enough to express in plain terms why she doesnt like her bedroom.  

[jdtm]

I don't think you have a "spoiled brat"; I am wondering if you have a child who suffers from anxiety.  First, I would suggest you google the term "childhood anxiety" or something similar and see if any of the descriptions are similar to the behaviours of your daughter.  Then let us know your findings.  Looking forward to hearing from you ...