My 6 yr old does not want to go to school and/or sometimes daycare - Why?

[CMFSMAMA02]

My 6 yr old son will sometimes have a complete"meltdown" about going to school or daycare.  This usually happens when he has a long week or a holiday break from school.  For example:  This week on Monday he did not want to go to Kindergarten.  I tried to rationalize with him that he needs to go to school, to learn and so that I and his father can go to work to earn money to support the family.  That did not work at all.  Eventually I just had to leave him with the teacher, this is when the meltdown occurred.  He threw his backpack on the floor and startin yelling and crying that he wanted to go home.  I just kept walking.  I felt terrible, but I had to go to work.  So, Monday evening when my husband and I got home, we had him take all his toys and put them in a room and he was not allowed to play with them that evening.  We allowed him to earn back 2 toys a day, for the days that he was doing what was expected of him at school and daycare.  Then Friday of the same week, they had to drag him on to the daycare bus after school.  Once he was at daycare the daycare providers said he was fine.  When I picked him up he seemed happy.  How can we resolve this issue with his behavior?

[CMFSMAMA02]

Thank you for your comment in Decemeber!  It has smoothed out and I did some research on the childhood anxiety and school and found some very helpful information.  I apologize for my severly delayed thank you!!!

[jdtm]

I believe this is not a behavioural issue but is an anxiety issue.  It appears your son is suffering from anxiety although from your posting, it does not seem severe.  His fears/anxieties (which I suspect he will not be able to explain to you or to himself) are causing this behaviour - so, if I am correct, discipline won't work.  If anxiety is the issue, the only thing that will work is to "lessen the anxiety" - this is the difficult part.  Often after a break, as a week-end, holiday or vacation, the child's anxiety will increase and that is what you are seeing on Mondays.  Understanding and patience do help - stating that your son must go to school is probably better than trying to rationalize - his emotions probably are overtaking his cognizant abilities.  And leaving him with his teacher during a meltdown is O.K. - it will be harder on you than him - just reassure him that you will be back at a certain time to get him.  It is best not to show your emotions and/or concerns as this will only intensify your son's fears.

I might suggest you google the phrase "childhood anxiety and school" or "school refusal" or similar words/phrases to better help you to understand this issue.  You might wish to discuss this issue with your son's physician, but at this time, I think parental/school/daycare understanding of this issue should be enough to help your son learn how to manage and cope with his fears/anxieties.  Hope this helps ...