Ten year old son acts like baby

[Lilmomma63]

Hi my boyfriends son is really becoming a cause for concern. To keep things brief I will simply list the things that concerns me. He is ten will be eleven in May, attends a public school and has no friends. He uses baby talk and voice and still says daddy and da da. He still has temper tantrums (crying,fake crying yelling) he is what I consider overly affectionate still climbing in his dads lap hugging kissing and playfully spanking his dads butt. All of these behaviors are extremely odd in my opinion and would like others. He has no learning or developmental disabilities and is quite smart

[Sandman2]

    Couple of things.  First (as an ex fifth grade teacher), he is a little young which could account for some of the lack of friends.  You might ask his teacher how he fits in age wise with the other boys.
    And yes, the new baby, you, perhaps even the thought of middle school is going to cause him to seek attention so that could also be part of it.
   However, when you get two teachers telling you (or suggesting) that he may have ADHD - this should not be ignored.  If these are experienced teachers, they have seen a lot of kids and are comparing his actions to the hundreds of other children they have seen - and he stands out.
   But more importantly, the fact that dad apparently choose to ignore this advice because - "dad was opposed to him taking medication."  shows a complete lack of knowledge about ADHD and what it can do to a child.
   First, no one can make the child take meds.  Second - and more importantly - there is a lot that can be done without meds.  And even more important then that is the long term consequences of the child trying to go through school (possibly with ADHD) and not knowing why he has no friends, is flunking classes, getting into trouble, etc.  Those kids can have very serious consequences later in life - self medicating with drugs for one.
    Finally, if he does have ADHD, the way you handle discipline is also very different.  Many of the normal methods won't work.  I can give you lots of resources on that - or feel free to post over on the http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175 where I am also the CL.
   I would suggest that you check out this link - http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK1   and read up on ADHD.  Make sure that dad also checks it out.  I am here if you need more info - or over on the other site for that matter.  Best wishes.

[Lilmomma63]

And his  mom and dad have been separated since he was one. So there was never a time that he remembers that they were together. And he gets away with stuff like eating underneath the table during dinner. He does things like a small child like petting the cat too hard and holding it down. He thinks its cute and laughs the cat is declawed and managed to scratch him with his back claws. I'm losing my mind!!!

[Lilmomma63]

He is in fifth grade. His father told me two teachers in the past mentioned he may have ADHD but dad was opposed to him taking medication. I am currently 3mo pregnant and I knew from the beginning he may act happy but his true feelings may manifest in other ways. I am also sensitive to the fact that a new gf and a new baby is a lot to deal with when he's used to having dad to himself. Both my boyfriend and I come from blended families so we know what it's like. I am not concerned about this adjustment period but more so he will be in jr high next year, and his hobbies/behaviors remind me of a 6 or 7 year old. The fact he has no friends worries me. He's been on winter break and makes no attempt  to contact anyone when I asked him if he'd like for us to pick anyone up of take him somewhere his reply was " kids from my school don't really hang out" I'm scared he's getting picked on and that he will have a hard time next year. When I was ten or ten year olds I know (cousins friends kids etc) the house is swarming with friends and constant bday parties/ activities. His dad has told me about social situations/group parties/activities and he would run off by himself or run to dad.hes way to old to do and say the things  he does and we're doing our best to help him.

[Sandman2]

   Annie has some very good points.  I would like to know what grade he is in and have his teachers mentioned any concerns about his behavior?

[AnnieBrooke]

I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.  Are you always around, or does he get any good long stretches of time with just his dad and no other adult there to take his dad's attention?  I'd be more likely to think he is simply unhappy with the life changes that have made him have to be with his dad 3 to 5 days a week and his mom the other days, when it used to be that one of the foundations of his world was that mom and dad were a unit and it was so basic to his life that he didn't even have to assume differently for one moment.  You say he has no learning or developmental disabilities, so it doesn't sound like a social disorder.  You might suggest (tactfully) to your boyfriend that his son seems lonely, and see if your boyfriend gets somewhere asking his son about that.  But 10 years old is a tricky age, the child is just big enough to know they can't change things and they are very protective of their parents then, so he might not complain to his dad if he figures all it will do is press his dad to do something that can't happen.

[Lilmomma63]

Yes his dad and bio mom have split custody. They live in the same town so dad sees him at least 3 to 5 days a week every week and its been this way since he was one. I'm worried he has a social disorder

[AnnieBrooke]

Maybe he is just lonely for his dad, and this is what he does for attention or to self-soothe.  Does he live with his dad only part of the time?