Two year old hitting the mother and is attached to the father.

[Evelyna2008]

Hello. I am a mother of a two year old that has lately developed an alarming behaviour against me. He has started hitting and kicking me, especially when i try to dress him or do something that he 'dislikes' and on the contrary he seems VERY attached to his father to the point that he is ALWAYS running after him, seeking comfort from the 'bad mum'. I am really concerned because it seems like i am the only one that is trying to dicipline our son, while my husband is more allowing the behaviour. I keep telling him that as long as he does not intervene and support me when this behaviour manifests itself, it is most likely that our son takes his silence as affirmation and this reinforces the misbehaviour, but unfortunately, my husband thinks that by NOT picking him up when he whines for his attaention or by correcting the misbehaviour he is becoming a 'bad father'.

I am really concerned that my son's behaviour and 'dislike' for me is going to become more than a 'terrible twos' problem and might destroy our relationship in the long run if we, as parents, do not do something to correct it.

I would also want to know if it is normal at this age that children develop a sudden 'mislike' of the mother.

Thank you beforehand, for replying.

[adgal]

I have a 2 year old who is once again waking up in the middle of the night.  We will let him cry for a few minutes, but do go in if it continues for longer then that.  I think the solution lies somewhere in the middle of what you are doing vs. what your husband is.  We try not to bring him in with us as then it becomes habit (this is different if he is sick or something, then he sleeps with us).  We do however go into his room, leave the lights off and instead of picking him up, sit next to his crib rubbing his back and speaking in quiet and soothing tones. Basically reassuring him that we are there and we love him.  If that doesn't work, then whichever of us has gone in picks him up and rocks him in the rocking chair in his room.  We put him back to bed while calm, but still a little bit awake (it helps him learn to self soothe).  Most of the time he goes right back to sleep and that is that.  It seems to work for us, and our son has never ever been a good sleeper.

As for preferring dad over you.  My son has gone through this stage from time to time.  I actually spoke to a colleague who is a child physchologist as it upset me.  I am away from our son about 24 hours a week (I work part time).  The rest of the time I am always with him.  I do do most of the child care, play with him, make his meals, pretty much all of it (although my husband is very hands on, he just works much longer hours then I do).  Even weekends, our son is rarely away from me and just with daddy. It's almost always all three of us.  My husband travels a bit for work, so again, more absence.  She said that essentially, our son assumes I am always there, but having daddy time is a treat.  He misses him. He takes me for granted (which is a good thing if you think about it.  He should know that mommy is always there for him).  So when he comes home, its a big deal.  When I come home, it's normal if that makes sense.  Don't worry about it, it will change.  For us now, our son will happily go to whichever of us is in the room when he needs us.  It's a good thing.

[RockRose]

I do agree that kids this age suddenly choose one parent over another - although in my observation it's usually the mother over the dad,  which you see all the time in public.  The mom walks away for a little bit to do something,  and the child screams bloody murder for her while the dad sheepishly tries to quiet the child.

I do have some concerns in this thread with dads who seem to want to be the favorite,  and kind of feed in to it.

But I"m also concerned MattMom with your description of your son.  18 month olds aren't independent typically,  and I would be concerned with letting a toddler cry it out in his room in the middle of the night.    I understand with separation at the beginning of the night - but when a toddler wakes crying in the middle of the night I think they may need to be comforted.  It sounds like your husband's and your parenting is so completely different that he might feel the need to be a buffer.

But then again,  it's hard to tell with a short post what is happening.

[margypops]

No you are not alone its a fairly common behavior,I don't think they dislike their mom at all I think they just are around  her most, I don't put any other interpretation other than the child doesn't see Dad so much so he kind of becomes more precious ,and trust me it doesn't last forever Mom is still in my opinion very important in a child's life .Think about it, they love their Daddy and hes at work and always busy so when he is at home' wow lets go for it,'the fact they want to be carried around tells you it all... And maybe ,possibly, Dad plays with them a lot when hes around and mom is sometimes too tired ...lol.

[mattmom10]

Wow I thought I was alone in this matter. I have a 18 mth baby & all of a sudden he is like not wanting me to hold him  when his dad is around. When I am alone with him he is fine, But as soon as dad gets home boy everything changes. I let my husband know that this is not normal but seems that he could care less. He dodnt let him cry he runs to him in the middle of the night & brings him to our bed to finish out the night. He is constanly carry him. Boy M y  son seems to not have a chance in life to be indepedent as long as dads around.  Help what to do<

[LRM1021]

I am really concerned because it seems like i am the only one that is trying to dicipline our son, while my husband is more allowing the behaviour. I keep telling him that as long as he does not intervene and support me when this behaviour manifests itself, it is most likely that our son takes his silence as affirmation and this reinforces the misbehaviour, but unfortunately, my husband thinks that by NOT picking him up when he whines for his attaention or by correcting the misbehaviour he is becoming a 'bad father'.

My Goodness-- this sounds like it could have come from my mouth!! That is EXACTLY what happened when my son was 2-- my husband would not intervene because he did not want to ruin the good relationship with his son.

Well, I persisted, and explained that if he did not start backing me up that he would be doing it alone-- that I would not stand for this anymore. It jolted him enough, he started backing me up-- and now we really do work together-- and my goodness is it better. But believe me-- it was not always like that.

SO-- my advice- WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO JOLT YOUR HUSBAND -- show him books, articles from professionals, show him this memo-- whatever-- THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

He needs to intervene, and the two of you need to be together when administering discipline. He needs to discipline for your son taking things out on you.

It will take some time to stop the process-- but if you do this, it will stop. What a relief in my house when it did. I totally get where you are at.

is it normal for children to suddenly dislike their mother? In fact, its normal for children to go through phases of disliking one parent or another or both-- that happens. What you need to get a hold on is his behavior as I mentioned above-- his feelings will change -- believe me:)