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cant control 5 kids - help
I am a mother of 2 girls. I am with a guy who has 3 kids. The ages of the kids are 6, 4.5, 4, 3, and 1.5 I stay at home with all of them so my bf can go to work. His kids have had a rough life with their mother, she abused them trumendously and now we have behavior issues all the time here. At first it was just stealing food, cuz she didn't feed them. Now it's progressing into lying, stealing, and hurting the others in the family. I can't take it any more. His kids don't listen 6, 4.5 and 3 no matter what I tell them they say ok, then do the opposite of what i said to do. My 4 year old is now not listening and following in their footsteps. I have tried listening to their problems and anything they want to talk about, I have yelled and spanked. Nothing is working. Everything to these kids is a game. THey think it's funny or just don't care about anything. I don't know what to do, I can't get them to listen and do what i ask of them, they ignore me and they just don't care. When you are saying something serious about doing something or to stop hurting the baby she just smiles. I can't stand it anymore!! and advice on helping them listen better and mind, or helping them care about themselves or others would be greatly appreciated! Just today, 2 of his kids were running in the street and didn't care that I told them not to and that it wasn't safe. I went to the store and the oldest tried stealing from walmart! while we are in the car, all they do is play fight like pulling hair, hitting, slamming heads into the door, pulling down pants, everything and more that annoys you while you drive. only ten times as bad.
Well thank you blueridgemama, things have gotten a little better around here, for now. I know things get crazy and it gets overwhelming at times. I used to have to go out at least once a month, when it was just me and my 2 kids. But back then I was also doing full time school and full time work as well, so I really needed the break... it was hard doing all my school work, and then also planning for my classroom at work. I felt like I couldn't keep up, now it's like I can't keep up with the house work like laundry and then when the kids rebel it makes it harder. But somehow we all get through right. I'd as well love to get back into teaching and having a classroom, but then I think that it would be that much harder to do the house work and dinner times with the kids. I was going to go back to work, once we moved and I found that it's harder when the kids get older, or you have one of every age, cuz then you have to get them to school, and be home when they get out. Hopefully once all the kids are in full time school it will be easier to get back into the working field.
Right now I just keep thinking that if I went to work with children again, and having my kids the ages they are, I might get more stressed out and go crazy lol. Altho I'd love to be back in the classroom, one day hopefully.
Good luck with all that you are doing and good luck with getting back in there with the working thing! Thanks for your help
Right now I just keep thinking that if I went to work with children again, and having my kids the ages they are, I might get more stressed out and go crazy lol. Altho I'd love to be back in the classroom, one day hopefully.
Good luck with all that you are doing and good luck with getting back in there with the working thing! Thanks for your help
It can get crazy, I know. I have three kids myself, and although they are normal, well-adjusted and generally happy kids, it can get hairy around here sometimes. I get to where I feel overwhelmed from time to time and I just have to take a deep breath and relax. I agree with you about the school schedules - I can't believe how much time my kids are out of school sometimes.
I'll go back to teaching in a couple of years when my little guy goes to kindergarten. I will be glad when I can go back to work. I know the kids benefit from being at home with me when they are little, but I will be happy to go back to teaching when the time comes.
Take care and good luck.
I'll go back to teaching in a couple of years when my little guy goes to kindergarten. I will be glad when I can go back to work. I know the kids benefit from being at home with me when they are little, but I will be happy to go back to teaching when the time comes.
Take care and good luck.
I know that I can't do it by myself... that's obvious, why I'm on this site asking for help. I don't have any ed training, and I know that these kids are rough... I just want to help them and myself. We are like everyone in the world who just wants a happy family... it's just getting thru the hard time that are really rough, especially staying home with them all the time. I'm just lucky that one is in part day kindergarten and 2 are in head start... it's only 3 hours a day, but it does help. I understand that being a parent and being a teacher is totally different, but the training does help.
Sucks when things get complicated, him not being divorced, having so many kids. Things will get straightened out soon I hope. Hopefully it will get better as time goes on. That's the weird thing, things were seeming to get better, and then they got worse just like that, then they get better and then worse again. I don't know maybe having almost a week off of school has messed up the schedules for these kids. it's like one had a week off, then the other 2 had the next week off, and now with thanksgiving coming up, another week off. Seems like kids dont go to school as much as I used to. We never had early release days, or anything like that.
Anyways thanks for your help!
Sucks when things get complicated, him not being divorced, having so many kids. Things will get straightened out soon I hope. Hopefully it will get better as time goes on. That's the weird thing, things were seeming to get better, and then they got worse just like that, then they get better and then worse again. I don't know maybe having almost a week off of school has messed up the schedules for these kids. it's like one had a week off, then the other 2 had the next week off, and now with thanksgiving coming up, another week off. Seems like kids dont go to school as much as I used to. We never had early release days, or anything like that.
Anyways thanks for your help!
I did not mean to put you on the defensive, and it is clear that you have made a lifetime commitment. I was only concerned that if you were not married and not planning to be married, that this would be another unstable situation for the kids. However, it sound like my assumption was correct, and although you may not have that piece of paper yet, for all intents and purposes you are living as a married couple. And make no mistake, "Dad's wife" has a different connotation to "Dad's girlfriend," and the kids pick up on that.
You ask why you wouldn't be able to handle 5 kids, since you are a teacher. Well, it is totally different being a teacher from a parent, IMHO. Teachers can send the kids home at the end of the day, but a parent is a parent 24/7. The emotional connection is way different and the dynamic is incomparable. Plus, these kids should be receiving special services due to their history of abuse and neglect, and unless you have been trained to deal with ED kids, you might not be able to rely on your teacher training alone to parent these kids.
you sound motivated and very caring, so I think the kids have a better chance of living a good life with you in the picture. However, you might need some outside help! Maybe you can't do it all by yourself.
You ask why you wouldn't be able to handle 5 kids, since you are a teacher. Well, it is totally different being a teacher from a parent, IMHO. Teachers can send the kids home at the end of the day, but a parent is a parent 24/7. The emotional connection is way different and the dynamic is incomparable. Plus, these kids should be receiving special services due to their history of abuse and neglect, and unless you have been trained to deal with ED kids, you might not be able to rely on your teacher training alone to parent these kids.
you sound motivated and very caring, so I think the kids have a better chance of living a good life with you in the picture. However, you might need some outside help! Maybe you can't do it all by yourself.
While their mom was abusing them, Steve was here in colorado living with his sister untill he could afford to go get the kids. He was away for 5 months, then when he went to get the kids they had bruises from head to toe. So someone explain to me why if I'm only a girlfriend and not a wife, I'm adding fuel to the fire?? Even if we are married the children wouldn't act differently. IT wouldn't have anything to do with how the children see me or how they act.
He is still going thru the divorce, he had to wait till the kids were with him in colorado for at least 6 months so he'd have a better chance at keeping them, and getting full custody of them. Seeing as how their mom doesn't care anyways, she's never tried to call and talk to them, or anything like that. We are engaged now, and once the divorce is final we are getting married. But either way I don't see a change in the children's attitudes or behaviors even if we were married.
Why wouldn't I be able to handle 5 kids? I am a teacher and have had all the training to do so. I know it's different with your own kids or kids you have 24/7 but why not try? If i can get these kids to listen better and follow simple rules, life will be simple. I've handled all the kids myself for at least 6 months now, while he's been working. Yes he gets home late most nights and sometimes only has a day and a half off with us, but isn't it worth it, if I can help change these kids and make life better for them? To me it is, that's what being a teacher is all about right? Making lives better and changing them for the better. It shouldn't matter if we are married or not, I know it doesn't matter for the kids if we were married... they'd act the same if not worse then they do now. Ya maybe for my sake, it would be better if we were married, but that day will come! Sometimes you have to wait for things that are worth it.
Besides if I'm not here helping, who will be? Like you said they have to have something solid in their lives, it already is me, why not keep it that way? I like the idea of motivating them with food, but on the other hand they can't handle things as a whole day. You have to go by every half hour or hour, I got some dry erase boards and am marking when they are good and when they aren't. Smiley faces and frowns... they like the idea, I just have to figure out what they get when there are only a few sad faces per day.
He is still going thru the divorce, he had to wait till the kids were with him in colorado for at least 6 months so he'd have a better chance at keeping them, and getting full custody of them. Seeing as how their mom doesn't care anyways, she's never tried to call and talk to them, or anything like that. We are engaged now, and once the divorce is final we are getting married. But either way I don't see a change in the children's attitudes or behaviors even if we were married.
Why wouldn't I be able to handle 5 kids? I am a teacher and have had all the training to do so. I know it's different with your own kids or kids you have 24/7 but why not try? If i can get these kids to listen better and follow simple rules, life will be simple. I've handled all the kids myself for at least 6 months now, while he's been working. Yes he gets home late most nights and sometimes only has a day and a half off with us, but isn't it worth it, if I can help change these kids and make life better for them? To me it is, that's what being a teacher is all about right? Making lives better and changing them for the better. It shouldn't matter if we are married or not, I know it doesn't matter for the kids if we were married... they'd act the same if not worse then they do now. Ya maybe for my sake, it would be better if we were married, but that day will come! Sometimes you have to wait for things that are worth it.
Besides if I'm not here helping, who will be? Like you said they have to have something solid in their lives, it already is me, why not keep it that way? I like the idea of motivating them with food, but on the other hand they can't handle things as a whole day. You have to go by every half hour or hour, I got some dry erase boards and am marking when they are good and when they aren't. Smiley faces and frowns... they like the idea, I just have to figure out what they get when there are only a few sad faces per day.
Dear foam,
All respect to teko, but if you are in this situation and you are married to this man, I agree with just4fun. Please tell me you are married and not living together, because that would be the first thing to address there. I will assume you are married.
There are websites that offer great advise on behavior management. Try a teacher website. JimWrightonline is one you might want to try. If you need the link I will post it - it is for teachers but educates parents as well.
Be consistent. NEVER threaten. Don't yell and get upset. Be calm but dole out punishment like Mary Poppins doling out medicine. Be firm and be reliable. You need to summon God's strength and be the solid piece in their lives for once - think of all the turmoil they have had to endure in this short time on this earth. They want and need boundaries and kids feel safe when they know there are boundaries. Take away privileges, desserts, etc. Motivate them with food (given their history, this should be a big way to motivate them). "If you all follow the rules we can make homemade pizza for dinner tonight" - that sort of thing.
God Bless you and and God will give you the power to raise these babies.
All respect to teko, but if you are in this situation and you are married to this man, I agree with just4fun. Please tell me you are married and not living together, because that would be the first thing to address there. I will assume you are married.
There are websites that offer great advise on behavior management. Try a teacher website. JimWrightonline is one you might want to try. If you need the link I will post it - it is for teachers but educates parents as well.
Be consistent. NEVER threaten. Don't yell and get upset. Be calm but dole out punishment like Mary Poppins doling out medicine. Be firm and be reliable. You need to summon God's strength and be the solid piece in their lives for once - think of all the turmoil they have had to endure in this short time on this earth. They want and need boundaries and kids feel safe when they know there are boundaries. Take away privileges, desserts, etc. Motivate them with food (given their history, this should be a big way to motivate them). "If you all follow the rules we can make homemade pizza for dinner tonight" - that sort of thing.
God Bless you and and God will give you the power to raise these babies.
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