Aa
my 3 year old
i have a 3 yearold lil boy that never listens. He hits, spits,causes pain to his self, tells me to shut up, demands things right then when he wants them, does not sleep, Pees and poops on floor and says somone else does it, sneeks out the house, gets into the fridge and eats everything he can, and more. I dont know what else there is to do with him i have tried spanking sitting, standing in the cornner, hot sauce in the moth for talking back and soap, taking toys away taking room away talked to his doctor she dont belive me that he is like that, he is down to his bed and food on the table for him to eat and clothes on his back that is all he has right now. is there anything i can do that anyone can help me with please im at my last straw!! thanks lindy
Hi. It sounds like you are really frustrated.
Please dont spank him or do any form of discipline at this point. The reason is that you are frustrated, and when you are disciplining a child, it must be done with love, and if you are angry, or exhausted or frustrated, it can not be done safely and kindly. As to the hot sauce, that only injures a childs mouth, and can take away their breath. Its a frightening experience, not a learning experience.
I can hear how exhausted you are and frustrated. Honestly, my beliefs are different than my friends above. I believe by the time a child is three, they should be quite happy, content, obedient little ones, and have a good grasp on the word no. Things like biting, hitting, tantrums should be long gone by now.
So now what to do? I really believe at this point, especially since you said he is getting only the basics, food, clothes and a place to sleep nothing more. Perhaps you didnt mean it as it sounds, but it sounds like you are not able to love him right now. I honestly think you would be better off to get professional help for him at this point, and I NEVER advise that. The concern I have is that you are beyond exhausted and that can benefit neither of you. His behavior needs to change, and you need some help. Good luck.
Please dont spank him or do any form of discipline at this point. The reason is that you are frustrated, and when you are disciplining a child, it must be done with love, and if you are angry, or exhausted or frustrated, it can not be done safely and kindly. As to the hot sauce, that only injures a childs mouth, and can take away their breath. Its a frightening experience, not a learning experience.
I can hear how exhausted you are and frustrated. Honestly, my beliefs are different than my friends above. I believe by the time a child is three, they should be quite happy, content, obedient little ones, and have a good grasp on the word no. Things like biting, hitting, tantrums should be long gone by now.
So now what to do? I really believe at this point, especially since you said he is getting only the basics, food, clothes and a place to sleep nothing more. Perhaps you didnt mean it as it sounds, but it sounds like you are not able to love him right now. I honestly think you would be better off to get professional help for him at this point, and I NEVER advise that. The concern I have is that you are beyond exhausted and that can benefit neither of you. His behavior needs to change, and you need some help. Good luck.
You came on here for advice. If you read your initial post, I think you might understand why there is concern. And we did give you the best advice we could based on the information provided. Sorry you didn't like it. You can always consult a professional. Good luck.
look i do not abuse my child at all it is the law i know what is child abuse and what is not. everything that he has is broke his bed now his toys that he did have that i gave back to him, he brakes them. Me giving him a baed to sleep in and a meal 3 times a day and clothes to ware is a known law for defacts. I would know because i have been with them for 5 years now. i give my son love and i take him to the park and things, Its not like he is my only child for all you thinking that i have 3 kids at the age of 21 and i think im doing a damn good job of taking care of my kids. Im not one of those mothers drawing my kids because i cant take care of them, of trying to kill them. So when you talk about child abuse that is far away from here so dont even come at me with that. when there are kids out there starving and parents locking there kids in closets or bouncing from home to home or rich parents giving their kids whaever the want, just to shut them up, I could go on for days this really upsets me to think about it. All i wanted was some advice, and all yall care about is that what good are you. if you know so good about kids then way r u even on this site. PS i do reward him when he does something good. because when he is actually good its a shock.
I just have a couple of things I would like to add. Keep in mind my child is younger, but I read a fair amount on discipline, etc. as I struggle with setting limits as well.
At the age of 3 a child does not yet have the ability to reason. They are also lacking impulse control. So yes, when they see something they want they will ask, or even demand it. They are just wired that way. Some of the things that I have read (and heard from other more experienced moms) is that repetition and consistancy are the best solutions. Children do crave fairly structured envioronments with good boundaries in place.
Keep reminding your child, but try really hard to do it in a calm manner. I know my son responds better when I am calm with him then when I am allowing frustration to creep into my voice. Also try to remember that some punishments only really serve to make your child afraid, and they don't tend to respond well when they are feeling scared of you.
So try telling him firmly, but calmly no. Or that that is not ok to do that. And, as the poster above mentioned...heap tonnes of praise and attention on him when the behaviour is positive. You will find he does respond. If it's consistent he will soon understand that if he behaves one way he get's mommies attention. If he behaves another, he won't. For example, when my son has a temper tantrum, I just very calmly say "let me know when your finished" and then ignore him. I can see him, I know he is safe, but I have absolutely no other reaction. It really works, but it takes time and patience.
I also cannot help but say that I would have to agree that some of your tactics are borderline abusive. THat is not meant in judgement, but to encourage you to seek out other methods. Remember that the word discipline means "to teach".
At the age of 3 a child does not yet have the ability to reason. They are also lacking impulse control. So yes, when they see something they want they will ask, or even demand it. They are just wired that way. Some of the things that I have read (and heard from other more experienced moms) is that repetition and consistancy are the best solutions. Children do crave fairly structured envioronments with good boundaries in place.
Keep reminding your child, but try really hard to do it in a calm manner. I know my son responds better when I am calm with him then when I am allowing frustration to creep into my voice. Also try to remember that some punishments only really serve to make your child afraid, and they don't tend to respond well when they are feeling scared of you.
So try telling him firmly, but calmly no. Or that that is not ok to do that. And, as the poster above mentioned...heap tonnes of praise and attention on him when the behaviour is positive. You will find he does respond. If it's consistent he will soon understand that if he behaves one way he get's mommies attention. If he behaves another, he won't. For example, when my son has a temper tantrum, I just very calmly say "let me know when your finished" and then ignore him. I can see him, I know he is safe, but I have absolutely no other reaction. It really works, but it takes time and patience.
I also cannot help but say that I would have to agree that some of your tactics are borderline abusive. THat is not meant in judgement, but to encourage you to seek out other methods. Remember that the word discipline means "to teach".
I didn't mean too offend anyone - I was just surprised about the comment that you were too concerned to answer. It doesn't make sense in my head. But you're right I haven't been around for long, and I'm sure you're an appreciated contributor.
If you look at this forum you will note that I always give input... before you make remarks about others I suggest you check facts ....
In my opinion you're walking a very fine line between disciplining and child abuse. But opposed to the poster above I believe the best way forward is to offer advice and hope you'll take it, and I'll refrain from commenting further on the methods you have used.
The simple fact you mention so many things indicate to me that you have never been persistent with any of them. A 3 year old needs to know exactly where the limits are and what the consequence is for crossing it. If you choose a time out for example it has to happen every time and you need to stay with it till he does his time out. It will not happen in 3 days, but more like 3 weeks before he'll give up the fight and accept a time out - but you need to stick with it.
Secondly, when a child is constantly acting up you get drained and often forget to pay any attention when there's no bad behaviour. For a 3 year old negative attention is better than no attention. If you ignore him when being good he will act up to get that attention. Play with him, praise him and focus on good behaviour. Especially now to turn things around. He will eventually learn that good behaviour gets him attention as well.
The simple fact you mention so many things indicate to me that you have never been persistent with any of them. A 3 year old needs to know exactly where the limits are and what the consequence is for crossing it. If you choose a time out for example it has to happen every time and you need to stay with it till he does his time out. It will not happen in 3 days, but more like 3 weeks before he'll give up the fight and accept a time out - but you need to stick with it.
Secondly, when a child is constantly acting up you get drained and often forget to pay any attention when there's no bad behaviour. For a 3 year old negative attention is better than no attention. If you ignore him when being good he will act up to get that attention. Play with him, praise him and focus on good behaviour. Especially now to turn things around. He will eventually learn that good behaviour gets him attention as well.
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