stubborn 6yr old

[smallz04]

My 6 year old is the onky one behind in his class ive tried grounding him, helping him, going to his class, everything u can think of & he does not want to learn his basic math skills his reading i took away all his toys a while back because his attitude is terrible towards me he tells me he will start behaving when he turns 7 or lioe yesterday he told me well maybe ill behave monday at school.idk what to do to help him anymore i jst keep grouding him which doesnt work he says he doesnt want to learn because he wants to be the "cool kid" @ school what can i do im pregnant and tired and frustrated

[smallz04]

thank u all soo much for ur advice him bein the cool kid idk where he got it from we have gave him positive stuff instead of grounding him like putting him into sports the drs here in my town do not tell me much about the adhd so maybe i shall look into it more before i start doing discipline myself. I hope it all gets better i dnt want to blame it on my pregnancy or my spouse because we have been together 3 yrs and never had this problem w him. If thats the case about pregnancy and a new little brother i hope it changes once he is born

[ecotime47]

Sorry you're going through this. I know how frustrating this can be. Have you thought about taking him to see a behavioral therapist that specializes in working with children?

[Sandman2]

     And that was why I asked you about his focus.  I am also the CL on the ADHD forum here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175
Maybe you didn't realize we had one?
    Anyway, his actions are pretty typical for a child with ADHD - hence my question about focus and how he did in school last year.   I still do wonder about his comments on being the cool kid, but anyway.
    Hard to know where to start because I don't know how much his docs have told you about ADHD.
    I think the best thing you could do right now is to buy the book,  "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.  Its about $12 on Amazon.  You will find it extremely helpful.
   This site will help with his school problems - http://www.additudemag.com/channel/adhd-learning-disabilities/index.html
   And this site is very good for overall ideas to help you help him
http://www.onhealth.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/article.htm
    If you have any questions please post here or over on the ADHD site.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, this sounds like an ongoing problem.  Have you considered that it is not that he doesn't 'want' to learn but rather that he has some difficulty?  It sounds like he has been diagnosed with adhd and you've decided that he either doesn't have this or you don't want to medicate him.  It is fine to not medicate a child but you must do SOMETHING to help him then.  What do you do to help him with the symptoms of his adhd?  What do you know about the disorder?  Kids with adhd are not like every other kid and require different things to help them in the school situation and elsewise.  He also may have learning disabilities which go hand and hand with adhd.  

I think some investigation as to why he is behind is in order and then some action to help him over come that situation.

My own son has sensory integration disorder (which looks a lot like adhd).  He was an epic fail at school until we began addressing his sensory needs.  Once we did that----  he began to improve and excel.  

good luck  

PS:  agree that punishment is not appropriate here and a reward system would work MUCH better.  

[smallz04]

he doesnt have a older brother he had the same probpem last yr but not as bad and ive tried giving him rewards he doesnt care dnt think he is mad about the pregnancy i ask him and he says no that hes happy they told me he has adhd and prescribed him meds but he acted really ugly w them as if he knew they were drugs

[Sandman2]

   What grade is he in and when is his birthday?
   Did he have these problems last year?  
   I really do agree with Mark.  More of this is on the school, then on you.  Taking away toys and things is not going to help much.  Short term consistent, immediate,timeouts when his behavior is bad is much more effective.
   Where does he get this "he wants to be the "cool kid" @ school"  attitude?  Does he have an older brother?
    Do his teachers comment about him having a lack of focus?

[MarkLakewood3367]

Unless I read your post wrong, I think that your biggest concern is that your son is falling back academically because he isn't motivated to learn.  If this is the case, you might want to reconsider the negative discipline and replace it with rewards for attempts to succeed academically.  What could be happening or might happen is that your son has associated learning with punishment.  This negative discipline will backfire as it sounds like it has.

This behavior may be indicative of a learning disorder or giftedness.  Maybe the work is too easy for him.  Has he been tested for either?  If not, he should be.

Finally, not everyone is motivated equally to succeed academically.  If parents have high academic values that is beyond the child's capability, the child will feel like a failure that may certainly trigger behavior problems.  It is important for parents to reward their child's attempts.  Whether their child succeeds academically may not be up to the parent.