kind of mixed up;

[mandy876]

I have been with you for a while now.  I feel that I am not getting better.  today was a bad day.  I cant seem to pull myself together.  I am quitting medhelp.  I will miss all of my sweet friends,  I just don't feel like talking any more.  im just so tired and don't  want to even think about what I am going through.  thanks for being there for me. good luck to all of you and the best of health.  I don't know what to do.  good luck.

[Nighthawk61]

Now now Mandy, my dear woman, you mustn't throw out the baby with the bathwater, yeah it ***** that the medical profession can sometimes feel like they are being  purposefully obtuse, and maybe you're not getting what you need from them, and commit to finding more help.

You know, I've had the same losses as you, my husband, my parent's . I kept my mom with me too, until she passed. She liked to smoke, she passed at 75 and spent a decade in her room smoking cigarettes and watching tv, because she wanted to. Putting my mom in an institution would have been like jail for her. I appreciate how much you miss your mom, but if things are as we are all led to believe , or want to believe your mom is happy and healthy right now. She's looking down at her wonderful caring daughter who is aging herself. The circle of life is a wonderful thing, and you will both be reunited, and healthy again together. Life challenges us to be at our best for our loved ones when they need us the most. You passed with flying colors, and your mom is so proud of you.

I've got one very special friend that I keep in touch with here, and a few more that i talk to privately.  It's nice to hear how their week is going, and yes, sometimes it can be emotional talking about hardships, but it helps to have someone else share our burdens.  It also gives a person a lot if you can manage to help somebody out here or there. We're going to bear the same burdens, with or without friends. Put your family drana on hold, and reach out to people who do relate to you, me for one? xo  Liz

[sara12345]

You say that your doctor would probably give you any pills that you wanted.  Why don't you ask for his recommendation of what medication he thinks might help you.. and then you take it.  Medication totally brought me back from the brink of suicide.  Also what about some therapy?  Don't just give up.  That's the depression having its way.  You deserve so much better.  Getting older is the greatest challenge of all as the people you love die and you have increasing disabilities of your own.  But still, life can be so much better.  Please don't give up.  And there are lots of us on here that can empathize with you.  Sara

[mandy876]

thank you my mom was 96 she had been very healthy all her life.  had her a big garden.  when daddy and my hubby we had no one to plow her garden.  so I took her shopping a lot.  we talked several times a day.  I love those days.  we made each other happy.  I feel the Effexor is the right med but I just have my bad days.  my niece said did you want grandma to live always.  I said no hospice helped me at the last.  the parson.  told me I needed  to talk to mom.about  leaving.  that was the hardest thing I had to do.  o told mom it is time for you to go to daddy.  he is waiting for you and I will be alright.  I could not help but cry.  mom had not shown feelings in a while. she reached up and wiped my tears away.  I started to get up.  she grabbed me and hugged me.  she  died a few days later.   mandy876

[sara12345]

What a beautiful story about your mother's last days.  You must be very proud of everything that you did for her.  I think that your tears were very important to her. And what you told her was just right.  I said the same thing to my mother as she was dying.  She was struggling so much the last week of her life.  They told me at the hospice facility that she had the signs of dying and she could die in the next day or two.  When I asked her about dying, she said that she wanted to live.  I finally said in a stern tone, but why Mom?  She cried and cried and then said, because I don't want to lose your love.  Then I told her that she had far more love waiting for her from those that she had lost who loved her so much and that I would be okay.  I had told her again and again about the TV show where people died and then were brought back to life.  Most of them recounted more peace, bliss and love than they had ever felt in their life.  And most of them said that a loved one beckoned to them.  But at this point as I recounted it, she for the first time asked me if the people were real.  I said, YES, and went on about it.  Then she stopped crying, got a big smile on her face that lasted a long time.  Then she died the next day.  You told your mother the same kind of thing and showed your love with your tears.  Feel so grateful for that time with her.  Sara

[sara12345]

P.S. the anniversary of her death is tomorrow.

[mandy876]

that is so strange that we both went through nearly the same thing.  sounds like you were a wonderful daughter and you should be so proud of yourself.  it was not easy.  but im sure it was not easy raising me and my sister.  it was her turn to be taken care of.  my mom and dad would have been 100 this year.  I so miss them and my hubby too.  thank you that lightened my heart knowing there is other people out there that feel the way I do.  god bless you.  mandy876