No question.

[Poo44clooner]

Just found out that they were right about me.
I'm a freak.
I'm invisible.
No one can hear me.
So don't bother.

[innerchild09]

No worries feel free to talk about this as much as you want. Im fine with listening. Im glad you are able to get this stuff out. Its really hard for people like us who feel that they are the last in the family. Least important. Black sheaps, whatever you call us. Sorry I didnt get back to this post sooner. Anyway Im still listening.

Hope that you and everyone else posting is doing ok right now.

[innerchild09]

Hello there. Im sorry that you went through all that and your family treated you bad. Im here listening if you need to talk.

[senile1]

HI, you can talk to us. I am sorry your family has treated you bad. I was raised up beliving that family is all you got. Guess you can be my friend. Hang in there.

[Poo44clooner]

I read your story I am sorry that you have led a terrible life and still are in a lot of ways.  I hope things turn around for you and I hope that all of your pain someday is eased.
FREAK OF THE FAMILY

[mommy52]

OOPS... Guess I somehow sent above without knowing it. If my aunt could corner me in the kitchen, she would ask me when was I gonna pay momma back? Was I paying her any and if so how much? My g.ma said none of her business.About 2 weeks before she died she called me over and tore up mortgage/#2 papers Said if she died she KNEW aunt would try to take my house/ After death...  the look on her face !!! My Dad died next 8/91 of massive MI . At visitation, all his friends would say they didn't know he had a daughter, so I just sat like others for a short while. Next my Mom and I would be at each 75% or more, of the time. My stepfather walked out, literally and left front door standing open in the middle of the night. She had som sq. cell on butt cheek. Had to keep removing would come back. He went back to wife before Mom.That year my husband had open heart surg/ (5) CABG, My son relapsed cancer...went to Duke to have marrow harvested and cleaned then sent to Emory.On top of all this, I called home from eye doc and they said granny kept calling want them to come up there. She was mad at me. Ammonia level very high i sure. This was Christmas Eve. She died or I should say they killed her 12/25/06' Next year son's  tx cont.  and he cont. to get worse. I went back to work, 8/97, after 5 years. He relapsed in 9/97 for the last time. Wanted to go to Helen and stay in a room with fireplace along stream/river. We did. BUT after 1 night, we loaded oxygen, IV supplies and meds. Also loaded feedinggs for g-tube. Being nurse I knew he was very close to death. So close, I was afraid wouldn't make to hosp. He never wanted to be DNR. Said wasn't his time. This time he started to shed tears as I lifted him from van to wheelchair. In ER they were *****-footin with us out in open hall in ER/ Finally I reminded them he was dying..please put us in a room so he could die with some dignity. He wanted them to all they could this time except NO CPR. Got him stable enough,( 5+ hours ) and up to ICU he went. Got B/P up some. Talkig and called pastor over and told him How funeral to be, songs, everythimg. OMG!!!!!! I almost lost it. He passed 1/98, a day after youngest son's b'day.i brought him home. His death so peaceful. No Hospice===I regret. I threw self into work as did husband. 15 y/o managed youngest if needed.We adopted an 8 month old baby boy 8/2001. ( this was not to replace the death of other child.) Fast forward..He was hit by car while visiting aunt in atlanta.  Had frac. hip and was in body cast for 6 weeks.Since death of son, I have had 3 neck surgeries and 2 knees. Last work I did was Hospice RN....I was term. because poor job performance. That set depression off. They also found, what they believed is rheumatoid arthritis. They confuse for large abt of muclear meds uptake in some left ribs and some of sternum. Hgb dropped 5.0 pts in past 6 wks. to have that checked out. I take 5 "crazy" meds. That's what I joke and call them. others Fentynal 50 patch and roxicodone and 6 other meds. My family inc. extended fam., all critizice me. Say don't nrrd them. I stopped 2 days and they were TELLING me to start back taking. I realize I probably got away from topic. Felt LORD tell me to reply here. I questioned, but NEVER question GOD.  Back up some....... my Mom was depressed cause she had no money for presents for children. I gave her birthday present and some Christmas present on her b'day, 12/04/96 She took it and bought all her children gifts (towels). She bought pork tenderloins and cooked for 2 boys and families. This hurt me. I was hurt, for I was left out and my children. This is when we got mad at each other. She told my aunt that we would fuss and get angry but she knew who to call when she needed something and I would be there. I wasn't.... She had to call amb. to take her to ER 12/24, Went to see her.. told her i was sorry. said she knew i had to take care of son. She wasn't mad at me. Still I felt guilty. 3 years ago I filed for disability ssa. At last, after 30 mnths. it was approved. So thankful. Must pay back money I borrowed from those past 3 years to make ends meet. Oh !!!! failed to mention adp. son diag ADHD. I know family shamed of me. In 2003 I weighed 302#. Had GBP and lost to 173. cont. to loose.. now weigh 158#. After wt loss, it will be 8 years oct.2003. I only have 1 question....What is SEX? Reading others, I had good life. At times it was living HELL to me. Reached out for God's hand and clung on, that's the only way I made it through. I ask of you to please excuse length and if not appropriate for this site. I truly apolijize. Seems I have emptied so much out I haven't told a soul. Last my husband told me everything I would say.... it would end with something 'bout deceased child. Said he is dead and buried..time to go on with my life. Please forgive me again. I spend 90% of time saying "I'm sorry" and 10% making messes. My prayer for all....Bless us with peace, health, prosperity and give us a clear understanding of his word, May God Bless each of you.

Madlyn

[mommy52]

I so appreciate all the comments I have read. Black sheep of the family? Guess you cpuld call me the blackest Seems my brothers and I were outcasts tp spme extent. My Mom divorced// Dad paid no child support..we got evicted. Padlocks were placed on doord. Until rent was paid, we could get a thing.

So as the saying goes, "We didn't have a pot to **** in" .Excuse the language. I started with depression then I guess. See my aunt's husband was killed oct. and child born dec. She building new house and we went to live with her. My grandparents were with her to help with grief and child. My Mom worked at night. She and my 2 brothers stayed in the basement. They had a full bed and 1 dresser. Don't know where all our furniture went. See. I was allowed to stay upstairs. This made me sad. I wanted to be with my Mom and brothers. I felt like my cousins all looked down on me. In fact, I know they did. My Dad never visited until my brothers were old enough to go. He'd buy them big nice toys and I got color book and 8pk crayons. The aunt I lived with treated like a sister or her child. Sad for my brothers Felt guilty.When my Mom moved out, I stayed with aunt and g.mother. This is the living arrangement I had from 7 y/o until I married in '79.

Now I feel guilty for dumping all this. Will probably take a few more trucks to finish. Yhis has been inside me for about 48 years.Will condense. Maried in '79. Ma=Ma would give me what she could. Sold LOTS of land. Bought me a car and traded 2 more times within the next 5 years. My other aunt, the oldest, resented me. When she would come from
atlanta on the weekends she would come to visit (Sunday) she would follow me around. My grandmother finally noticed this. Aunt would ask