Suicide or not?

[moonlight22]

Is there anything wrong with thinking about harming yourself?  Sometimes I think of ways to end my life.  If I am on my way to work, as the train approches, I wonder, how much would it hurt? would I survive? would I want to survive?  I have thought about overdoseing, rat poision, and slitting my wrist.  I don't think I have the courage to do anything.  I don't really feel depressed, although I think I might have been at some time recently.  Sometimes I wish I would not wake in the morning.  Even when my moods are normal I get these thoughts.  Should I seek help.  By the way, I feel normal today, but I have thought about it.
Thanks

[moonlight22]

THank you all for your concerns.  I would like to apologize for not responding.  I am not srue what to say.  I am very confused.  I do want to get professionl help, but where?  anywhere I have looked it so expensive.  I know money should not be a factor, but the reality of it is that, money does matter.  I am afraid im going down into my depressive feelings again.  I have so many highs and lows.  When I am around people that I know can behave normally and feel fine at times also.  As soon as I am alone or around people that I do not know, I become sad, low and think about all those things I dont' want to.  Yesterday I cried in the shower for 40 mins.  It was so hard to stop.  I do know what is bothering me, but I don't know what to do about it.  I also did somethinng about aweek ago I am not proud of, I ate and well....induced vomitting later.  I felt so nasty after eating.  I have lost a lot of weight in the last 2 years and I am afraid it will come back.  Yesterday I felt like doing it again.  When I went intot he shower, I could not control my thougts and i tried Inducing again, but when nothing came out and i felt pain and guilt, I lashed out in tears.  Please tell me where I can get help...please.

[Julie359]

It actually concerns me a little bit that all these people are replying to ur post and yet u haven't said anything in reply to us..... just hopingur ok ad u haven't done anything to urself.... Please just let us know ur ok by simply saying hi if need be.

[mommy52]

I agree with some and disagree with some. That is my right. I would tell you to seek help immediately. Toots on what anyone will say. When someone talks and tells about suicide and has a plan to carry it out, it is SERIOUS. In my opinion and that's just what it is, my opinion when a person tells others of these thoughts, they are reaching out for help. I am sure we all would be here for you, but in my opinion, you DO need professional help. Yesterday would not be too soon. I have been a nurse for 35 years and have seen cases of what would be "normal" people come into ER due to attempted suicidal.It was so sad. The worst though, was when my son called me. He was 30 miles away in another city. He was trying to tell me he took a bunch of pills. That's all I could get from him before he couldn't talk. I raced to his apartment, calling EMS on the way there and so upset. When I reached him, he was propped against wall where EMS had placed him. His eyes were rolled back and he wasn't responding to voice or painful Stimuli. Please do not let ones you love and they love you have to grieve and blame themselves. GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. I see a psychiatrist and I talk to him about my feelings the same as yours. See, suicide seems to run in our family. I had planned the way and even went to funeral and had them write down what I wanted. I was very coy, I told them I didn't want my family to have to. They might spend too much. Thank God, I was able to call psych and move my appt to the next day and discussed with him..Doesn't  mean I still don't have the thoughts. but when I do I talk to someone.My husband, though, says if that's what you want to do. That makes me even more committed to the thoughts.
I can't tell and advise you to seek medical attention enough. Don't wait unti you have the thoughts again. One time it may be the time you actually carry through. Please let me know how you are doing. I care and are concerned.

Blessings,
Madlyn

[narla]

I actually spoke with my doctor yesterday and she has been my Dr for 20 yrs,she is not worried about the thoughts I have as she said they're just thoughts and as long as I know that's all they are there's no problem,like I said I've been like this forever it seems so now I've talked to my Dr i'm not worried.  Denise

[Snakenstein]

Hmm, actually i'm the same way. Suicidal thoughts are a normal thing for me. For me personally, it is a stress reliever. Just thinking about everything being over, because im completely detached from reality anyways. Does life hold little value to you?
I personally think things like this aren't necessarily something horrible, or a need for urgent medical care. People like to jump to conclusions. For one thing, what is life anyway but a vivid shrug out dream? Or entire existence is a mystery to us, an not one of us CHOSE to be alive, it just happened and we went along with it.
Maybe its just a higher perception of things...
But something is obviously stressing you out, even if its feeling like life is pointless. Take some time to sit and think about whats making you think this way, pay attention to your dreams, and the feelings you have. Try to enjoy this mysterious mistake. Make the most of your time in this strange little world. Who knows whats on the other side. :S

-Best of luck.

[Julie359]

Hiya, i personally feel it will help you big time if u sit down with ur mum and or dad and explain how you are feeling, and i mean actually sit them down and tell them u need to talk...... If ur friends just brushed u off then i would get some new friends really, cause a true friend would be there for u through thick and thin and would be supporting u right now.  My guess is that after speaking to ur parents they won't laugh at you.  Being a mum i would def want to know if my child was thinking like this and i'd want to be there to help her as best as i could, which would start with a visit to the doctor.

Trust me a problem shared is a problem halved, let them in and let them help you. Not wanting to wake up in the morning and standing by the train track wondering should u jump off, will it hurt etc... is not a normal state of thinking, it screams HELP ME!!! Please talk to ur parents and get the help u need.  All it may take is a little pill each morning to make it all go away or talk therapy..... Godd-luck