signs of depression?

[MableMouse]

I'm 18 years old and three weeks ago I lost my baby, my first pregnancy. And I can't stop crying and thinking about my baby, I feel like I'm a murderer, I deserve to die. I don't feel like a real person, like I don't qualify as a woman anymore, and without that am nothing. I feel awful all the time. I want to know what the signs are, and if I should be concerned.

[sara12345]

Yes, you are going through a tremendous loss which will cause a lot of grief and crying.  You may also have some hormonal stuff going on since pregnancy does change the hormones.  

You really need to talk with someone.  Call your local health dept or the United Way about very cheap or free counseling available as well as support groups.  Some of your thinking does not sound right, like that it was somehow your fault that your baby didn't make it.  That is so not true.  And do you have a mother, an aunt or an older sister to talk to?  Or a good friend?  You really need an outlet for all your perfectly normal grief.  Take care, dear one.

[MableMouse]

I feel like I'm stuck in that room and I feel like I will be there forever. :(

[MableMouse]

Thank you so much. I don't know about any support that I'm able to access. I was only 9 weeks, 5 days. So I didn't find out what I was having, or even get to see a heartbeat. I only had one ultrasound which was at 5 weeks so I couldn't see much.. I keep thinking about what I should have done. I really feel like I'm losing my mind. I keep staring off into space and thinking really deeply into what I should have done, what I did wrong, that I'm a terrible mother, am I even a mother? So many thoughts. I hate going out in public because everytime I see a pregnant woman, a baby or anything that makes me think about it I get so angry and jelous. I don't feel any better, nor have I since the emergency room doctor said "the ultrasound confirmed a full miscarriage"

[nursegirl6572]

Oh honey, I'm SO very sorry.  A pregnancy loss is SO very very hard.  I had a late term miscarriage at 19 weeks.  That was ONE week shy of the cut off for having a stillborn.  I was just devastated.  I blamed myself for a LONG time...wondered if a ATE the wrong thing, did too much, didn't do enough, wondered if I should have called the doctor more than once after I had some cramping. It was awful.

What you're going through and feeling is totally normal, sweetie.  You're grieving a loss.  Sadly, these things just happen.  My doctor tried to explain to me that it is just nature's way.  There was either something wrong with the baby, or the pregnancy, something.  I know that doesn't make you feel any better, I know, but it's true and this is no way your fault.

Please get some help, get yourself into therapy or a support group to help you get through this.  It's okay to need help with this.  Lean on your friends and family too.  When you need to cry, cry...when you need to yell, yell.  Let those emotions out.

Trust me when I say it WILL get easier.  You will always have that special place in your heart, but with time, you will learn acceptance, and grow to realize it isn't your fault.  

Give yourself some time, don't try to get pregnant again right away...that doesn't help, even though people think it does.  You have to grieve and deal with your feelings first, and get to a better place before trying again.  Plus, your body needs to heal.  My doctor told me at least 6 months.

You have every rilght to feel the way you do.  I sought therapy after the loss of my son, and it helped me a lot.  Goodness, it took me a lot of work with the therapist and a lot of time before I started letting go of the guilt and self blame.  

I have two healthy, happy kids now, 14, and 6.  My Joshua would have been 12 now.  I don't think about him every day like I used to, but he's always in my heart, and I often think that sometimes, in order to better appreciate the gifts we DO have, loss is necessary.

My heart goes out to you...I KNOW what you're going through, I remember how deep and how consuming that pain was.  Sweetie, I'm here if you need me.  You cam PM me anytime you need me.  Please update us when you can.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I'm so very sorry for your loss.  Time WILL ease the pain, as hard as it is to believe.

Big hugs!