I don't know if this is the adequate place to ask this. I'm a little confused in this forum but here I go.
I'm currently dating a girl whom I'm getting off to a very good start with. We communicate well, we have good sexual chemistry, intellectually a la par and for the first time I see the potential of a relationship happening in my life (never really had a relationship, more like date casually). I'm a male by the way.
But here's the issue. I'm a little concerned about some things she says, does and the diagnosis in her past.
She was diagnosed when she was 18 as being borderline. According to her, she moved on and seems to be working efficiently through her life. Goes to school, has good job experience, etc. So it seems this diagnosis might have either been controlled efficiently by her or mis-diagnosed.
That said, I'm seeing some signs that concern me:
1. Controlling sex. We've been dating for 4 weeks now and we haven't had sex (take into account there's sexual chemistry). I know sex does not have to happen in a relationship for the relationship to work but she has had previous relationships with sexual encounters. And she tends to say (when I ask her why not) that "You make it so important." Like she wants to control the sexual aspects of the relationship.
2. Phases. She speaks of going or having certain phases, that people have to deal with. I have seen a couple and their pretty much filled with her covering her emotions up or being off emotionally. Interestingly, I seem to bring her to her feet. Make her feel better about things. Or at least it seems like it. But still, the term phases, scares me a little.
3. When we speak of emotions it almost seems like she is missing something. She speaks of her emotions as being very tame or flat in some odd way. Like something is missing in that emotional spectrum.
a. Has irrational fears.
b. Does not take complements well
c. Seems self conscious about her appearance
In all honesty, I'm just bringing out my doubts. I really like this person. We bring out things in each other that generally I don't think we could.
I had a previous borderline personality girlfriend. And it was a very painful process. I hurt for a month just thinking about her after she left me. And post that, she never really left my mind for like a year. So I'm just catious as to how much input I can put in this relationship if the person I'm dating could potentially hurt me like the last one did.
For the first time I'm content with a person I'm dating and I would love this to last (I've never had a meaningful relationship and this one feels close to it). But I have to keep watch. A previous diagnosis does exist and I need to address that issue.
Can I get some suggestions? Opinions?