clearly your wife isn't willing to communicate, but you need to make it obvious to yourself and your children that you are making every effort possible to sort things out.. or at least to be in their life. i don't know where you live, but may i recommend relationship counselling.. i'm happy to point you in the right direction if u can tell me where you live (not precisely of course but city/state/country would be great
I am sorry I might seem harsh about this, but I know from my personal experience when i was 8 that I was happier when my parent divorced far more than when they were fighting all the time.
If therapy don't work, then sadly, it's WHATEVER is best for the children. If they are old enough, you might want to find out how they feel about this.
I am sending prayers and best wishes your way, I am sorry you are going through this.