I am a 17 year old boy and have been having erection problems for the last 6 months. About 6 month ago I tried to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time but I couldn't get hard.(it was on the beach and it was cold) Ever since then, getting an erection hasnt been as easy, and when I do manage to get one it is never as hard as it used to be. This doesn't just happen when i'm with my girlfriend, it's all the time! When that happened i was a virgin..and it killed my ego..And yesterday i tried with a new girlfriend..and guess what my lil buddy didn't get up either
i mean i get erections but not hard ones..i couldn't penetrate her with that erection and it made things worse.
I have considered Viagra but i'm very wary of buying it without prescription because clearly there is a reason why it cant be prescribed to under 18s, i'm not sure what negative effects it may have on me, i cant be sure that what i buy is real, and i've been told i dont need it.
I want to solve this problem because my girlfriend and I want to have a sexual relationship, now!! But i haven't told her that i have this problem. Many of my friends have started having sex regularly now which doesn't help either.
Any suggestions of how i can get over this safely by taking medication of some sort, or even just ways of relaxing to help me get over it as quickly as possible would be greatly appreciated!!!
First, relax. If you look at the previous posts here, you'll see that you're not alone, and that your concern is fairly common among men your age.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. I suspect that once your penis didn’t respond on command, you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, which can be a vicious circle. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious!
Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
It sounds to me like you may have some fears about sex that are impeding your erections even when you're not with a partner. Again, this can be caused by conflicting feelings about sex.
One question I have for you is whether you have an erection when you wake up. If so, it's unlikely that there are any physical conditions affecting erection; however, if you DON'T have an erection when you first wake up, that's a pretty good indicator that you should see a urologist for an exam to determine whether you have a physical condition that can be treated.
And please don't even think about Viagra, etc. These are powerful drugs meant for treating major physiological issues such as diabetes, which can interfere with blood flow to the penis. You need to take charge of your sexuality and build confidence rather than relying on some pill.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource. I think you'll find the answers to all your questions in this book.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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