Aa
got turned down from my dream job because I don't have a baby
It's bad enough I can't HAVE a baby, but now I have missed out on the job I desperately wanted because I DON'T have a baby! I needed this job so bad - I'm so devestated. I can't understand it. I have 14 years of management, customer service and retail experience, and all of my past employers have given me nothing but the greatest of praise. They are always sad to see me go (at least the owner of my last job was - I don't know about the dumba$$ manager!).
This was a job to work at a cloth diaper store. Ever since I started to get laid up with cyst ruptures, mono, surgery, etc... I needed something to do, so I started researching what were the best cloth diapers to use (me and dh aren't quite earthy crunchy hippies, but certainly very environmentally conscious). I love reading reviews on diaperpin.com! That led to many other natural baby care products, and I ended up contacting all kinds of companies to find out what their products were made of and where they were made. In the end, I decided that eventually I would love to open up my own store. At first I was sad to find that someone beat me to it in the area, when a store opened this past December. Then I realized it would probably be years until I was ready to do it (wanna have kids first), so who knows where we'll be by then.
Then last week, as if by fate, when I found out I was hyperstimulated and was unable to waitress, I got an email saying this store was hiring! Not only that, but that "MOST" of their employees were mothers, so they are very flexible with scheduling, and that they pay $12/hr with paid time off even for part-time employees (which is exceptional in retail). She claimed they were hiring many positions, from full-time, to part-time, to 6 hrs/wk or even work at home. After trying to waitress the past 2 years while juggling the physical and emotional consequences of these treatments, I felt like this was IDEAL! I even explained in my application all the research I'd been doing, how we'd been trying for years, and the reason I wanted to leave my current waitressing job was because it was just too physical during fertility treatments, and also if I got pregnant. I said I could work whatever slots were available doing whatever, and when I dropped off the application, the store was busy and the phone was ringing so I knew she couldn't talk. I just said, "look it over, and if you're interested in hiring me, then we can discuss my availability". I just assumed she'd call and I'd be able to tell her that it was all dependent on whether or not I'm pregnant (which I'll find out Friday). If I'm pregnant I will actually need LESS flexibility for now, because if I'm not, I'm going to need all kinds of days off again for ultrasounds and whatnot on a new treatment cycle.
Anyway, late last week I quit my job, being SO SURE that I was going to land this one. Well, I called today and the reason they gave me why they didnt' hire me is because they had many mothers apply, and they gave priority to them because they needed the flexibility. I don't know why I can't stop crying about this. I really don't know what I'm gonna do now. Who the hell is gonna hire me if I have to do an IVF cycle and am a mess, and if I'm pregnant, who's gonna want to hire someone that's probably going to have morning sickness, need off for doctors appointments and will only be able to work for 8+ months? And I am NOT, I repeat, NOT going back to my old job or waitressing!
We're so financially screwed right now, after my taking off in the winter for my surgery, and paying about $2000 for oil this winter. We've been living on credit cards for about 2 months now for food and gas, and JUST squeaking by on bills because at 31 years old I had to swallow my pride and ask my parents for a couple hundred bucks to pay the car payment. Last month we even had to charge our $500 oil bill, not to mention the IUI and the copays for the u/s's. Credit card debt is mounting quickly, and the reason for it all isn't paying off either. We just assumed that come this August we'd be financially much better off, but that's not coming to pass. Part of the reason we've been so broke is not just cuz I've been repeated out of work (not to mention paying doctor's bills), but my husband is in graduate school and is about to graduate this year. We've been struggling so badly the past 3 years, only assuming that the pay off would be when he got a full-time university position teaching art. Well, he put out 15 applications and there's only 6 remaining we haven't heard from. The rejections just keep trickling in. What makes me so mad about it is that he is only one of 2 graduating that wants to use his degree to teach, the others want to go into gallery work. Yet he is the only one that never got a chance to teach! This is because he's the only one that is on fellowship. When he applied, he was the only one picked out of ALL the arts programs (visual and performing) and awarded a fellowship, meaning not only was his tuition paid, but he got a small stipend - you'd think that would look good on a job application! Because of that, he was supposed to teach a class last year and they screwed him out of it at the last second. That's because they give the teaching positions to other students as a means to pay their tuition, and since he had the fellowship, well... now he has no official college level teaching experience. He does public art and has taught/worked with at risk youth in Philly, senior citizens, prison inmates, adults, teenagers and elementary kids, but no college. He's SO talented (you can check out his work at www.dserotkinart.cs.net), and yet he can't get a job. Now our benefits are over in August. Even if he adjuncts 3 classes, he'll make less than his stipend was that we were scraping on, and he won't have benefits.
Also, his advisor knows how hard up we are right now, so he secretly told him that he was getting an award in May as the best student or something or other, and it was a $600 award. Just today (shortly before I found out about the job), his advisor told him that the stupid school is still going to give him the recognition of the award, just not the money because of his fellowship.
We just can't catch a break! Now I'm convinced I'm not pregnant because that would mean something was actually going to work out for us for a change! I wish I could stop crying about this. I think it's also the stupid hormones.
Anyway, sorry this was so long, and thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it! Thanks for listening to me whine.
- Amy
This was a job to work at a cloth diaper store. Ever since I started to get laid up with cyst ruptures, mono, surgery, etc... I needed something to do, so I started researching what were the best cloth diapers to use (me and dh aren't quite earthy crunchy hippies, but certainly very environmentally conscious). I love reading reviews on diaperpin.com! That led to many other natural baby care products, and I ended up contacting all kinds of companies to find out what their products were made of and where they were made. In the end, I decided that eventually I would love to open up my own store. At first I was sad to find that someone beat me to it in the area, when a store opened this past December. Then I realized it would probably be years until I was ready to do it (wanna have kids first), so who knows where we'll be by then.
Then last week, as if by fate, when I found out I was hyperstimulated and was unable to waitress, I got an email saying this store was hiring! Not only that, but that "MOST" of their employees were mothers, so they are very flexible with scheduling, and that they pay $12/hr with paid time off even for part-time employees (which is exceptional in retail). She claimed they were hiring many positions, from full-time, to part-time, to 6 hrs/wk or even work at home. After trying to waitress the past 2 years while juggling the physical and emotional consequences of these treatments, I felt like this was IDEAL! I even explained in my application all the research I'd been doing, how we'd been trying for years, and the reason I wanted to leave my current waitressing job was because it was just too physical during fertility treatments, and also if I got pregnant. I said I could work whatever slots were available doing whatever, and when I dropped off the application, the store was busy and the phone was ringing so I knew she couldn't talk. I just said, "look it over, and if you're interested in hiring me, then we can discuss my availability". I just assumed she'd call and I'd be able to tell her that it was all dependent on whether or not I'm pregnant (which I'll find out Friday). If I'm pregnant I will actually need LESS flexibility for now, because if I'm not, I'm going to need all kinds of days off again for ultrasounds and whatnot on a new treatment cycle.
Anyway, late last week I quit my job, being SO SURE that I was going to land this one. Well, I called today and the reason they gave me why they didnt' hire me is because they had many mothers apply, and they gave priority to them because they needed the flexibility. I don't know why I can't stop crying about this. I really don't know what I'm gonna do now. Who the hell is gonna hire me if I have to do an IVF cycle and am a mess, and if I'm pregnant, who's gonna want to hire someone that's probably going to have morning sickness, need off for doctors appointments and will only be able to work for 8+ months? And I am NOT, I repeat, NOT going back to my old job or waitressing!
We're so financially screwed right now, after my taking off in the winter for my surgery, and paying about $2000 for oil this winter. We've been living on credit cards for about 2 months now for food and gas, and JUST squeaking by on bills because at 31 years old I had to swallow my pride and ask my parents for a couple hundred bucks to pay the car payment. Last month we even had to charge our $500 oil bill, not to mention the IUI and the copays for the u/s's. Credit card debt is mounting quickly, and the reason for it all isn't paying off either. We just assumed that come this August we'd be financially much better off, but that's not coming to pass. Part of the reason we've been so broke is not just cuz I've been repeated out of work (not to mention paying doctor's bills), but my husband is in graduate school and is about to graduate this year. We've been struggling so badly the past 3 years, only assuming that the pay off would be when he got a full-time university position teaching art. Well, he put out 15 applications and there's only 6 remaining we haven't heard from. The rejections just keep trickling in. What makes me so mad about it is that he is only one of 2 graduating that wants to use his degree to teach, the others want to go into gallery work. Yet he is the only one that never got a chance to teach! This is because he's the only one that is on fellowship. When he applied, he was the only one picked out of ALL the arts programs (visual and performing) and awarded a fellowship, meaning not only was his tuition paid, but he got a small stipend - you'd think that would look good on a job application! Because of that, he was supposed to teach a class last year and they screwed him out of it at the last second. That's because they give the teaching positions to other students as a means to pay their tuition, and since he had the fellowship, well... now he has no official college level teaching experience. He does public art and has taught/worked with at risk youth in Philly, senior citizens, prison inmates, adults, teenagers and elementary kids, but no college. He's SO talented (you can check out his work at www.dserotkinart.cs.net), and yet he can't get a job. Now our benefits are over in August. Even if he adjuncts 3 classes, he'll make less than his stipend was that we were scraping on, and he won't have benefits.
Also, his advisor knows how hard up we are right now, so he secretly told him that he was getting an award in May as the best student or something or other, and it was a $600 award. Just today (shortly before I found out about the job), his advisor told him that the stupid school is still going to give him the recognition of the award, just not the money because of his fellowship.
We just can't catch a break! Now I'm convinced I'm not pregnant because that would mean something was actually going to work out for us for a change! I wish I could stop crying about this. I think it's also the stupid hormones.
Anyway, sorry this was so long, and thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it! Thanks for listening to me whine.
- Amy
wow Amy...im sorry to hear all of this
from my own experience i thought basically the same thing last month...completely different situations but the tragedy was one right after another...i sometimes felt like i couldnt breathe and i cried so much more than i ever have
this month...i vowed to make better and im trying to make the best of it
its hard to believe this when things have been nothing but bad but something will come of all of this....it doesnt stay bad forever
i wish you the best of luck
from my own experience i thought basically the same thing last month...completely different situations but the tragedy was one right after another...i sometimes felt like i couldnt breathe and i cried so much more than i ever have
this month...i vowed to make better and im trying to make the best of it
its hard to believe this when things have been nothing but bad but something will come of all of this....it doesnt stay bad forever
i wish you the best of luck
I am so very sorry for everything that you are going through. It really doesn't seem fair, somehow, that one life seems filled with obstacles and hardships while others seem to have nothing but blessings. I am sure that it is the last thing that you want to do, but you might have a case for discrimination. I am not sure that they can chose to not hire you due to maternity....I am not even sure that technically they are allowed to ask marital or parental status, but I am not certain!
It's hard right now, but I firmly believe that things will always work out for the best when we are finally able to look back on them. Please stay hopeful and positive - I am rooting for you as are many MANY women on this site!
It's hard right now, but I firmly believe that things will always work out for the best when we are finally able to look back on them. Please stay hopeful and positive - I am rooting for you as are many MANY women on this site!
I can't believe that they can do that? Isn't that discrimination? How do they know you don't have children? Was there a question on the application?
I'm really sorry about all the financial troubles you are going through. I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm an undergraduate student and work part time as a bartender and my husband supports us 100%. I do however have a job interview on Friday for full time after graduation but like you..I'm afraid that when I tell them I need off a week after I start for my lap surgery they aren't going to be very happy and needing off for my IUI's and u/s after the surgery...why can't life ever be easy?
I'm really sorry about all the financial troubles you are going through. I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm an undergraduate student and work part time as a bartender and my husband supports us 100%. I do however have a job interview on Friday for full time after graduation but like you..I'm afraid that when I tell them I need off a week after I start for my lap surgery they aren't going to be very happy and needing off for my IUI's and u/s after the surgery...why can't life ever be easy?
by the way..your husband's art work is amazing..I'm an art student and that makes me jealous! Wish I had the talent.
Thanks for the support ladies. And thanks for reading my novel! :o)
And nevaeh, thanks for the compliment! I'll pass it on!
And nevaeh, thanks for the compliment! I'll pass it on!
I am so sorry you are going through this. The funny thing is - since you are in so much debt (welcome to the club by the way - glad to have you a member of the "HOLY S H I T - where the heck am I going to come up with that kinda money" club!) you probably will get pregnant faster. It is the irony of life sweetie - welcome to it :) You will make ends meet - we all do it everyday. When life is the darkest, joys usually come out it - especially whne you think there is no way to pay for it. Wouldn't be surprised if you popped up preggo - it is one of life's cruel jokes - when we are the poorest and can barely keep a roof over our heads - HERE COMES BABY!!! :)
But seriously, I was a single mom going to school fulltime and working and still found a way to make ends meet. You will too - it will suck and you may have to put more CC debt up but it will be paid off eventually. Just focus on getting by and pray and pray! There ain't a whole lot more you can do - been there - trust me. Life is just like that :) I am sending big giant hugs to you - you feeling em?There is always a storm before the calm - it will pass and you will be ok :) I promise. Keep looking for jobs and I would have told those people to go do something NOT nice with themselves for picking a woman with a kid over you. I would have told them EVERYTHING - give them something to think about when they are laying down at night. Tell them how hard you try for a baby and now you are being slapped in the face with it. Guilt is a wonderful thing :)
Big hugs - we are here for you. Keep venting, we will listen all day, every day :) HUGS!
But seriously, I was a single mom going to school fulltime and working and still found a way to make ends meet. You will too - it will suck and you may have to put more CC debt up but it will be paid off eventually. Just focus on getting by and pray and pray! There ain't a whole lot more you can do - been there - trust me. Life is just like that :) I am sending big giant hugs to you - you feeling em?There is always a storm before the calm - it will pass and you will be ok :) I promise. Keep looking for jobs and I would have told those people to go do something NOT nice with themselves for picking a woman with a kid over you. I would have told them EVERYTHING - give them something to think about when they are laying down at night. Tell them how hard you try for a baby and now you are being slapped in the face with it. Guilt is a wonderful thing :)
Big hugs - we are here for you. Keep venting, we will listen all day, every day :) HUGS!
Sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time and hope things get better soon...as far as not getting the job, you DO have a case for discrimination. It's actually ILLEGAL for an employer to ask you about marital status, maternity, or even if you're pregnant or plan on becoming pregnant in the future! That's just ridiculous, especially because you've made the effort to educate yourself on the product. Still, however you proceed in life, I wish you the best of luck and will keep you in my prayers. Take care and God Bless. : )
Thanks again ladies. It's funny - I sat down with a bowl of ice cream and was flipping around, and found this documentary on HBO (we have this rinky dink little cable co. in town, and somehow since we moved here, we get all four movie channels for free!). Anyway, it was about the women of the Congo in Africa and how they are raped and tortured by soldiers. Not only do they sometimes get AIDS from them and get pregnant, but then they are shunned and denied by their husbands (if they weren't killed) and villages - left to fend for themselves. Sometimes they are raped by 12 - 15 men at a time, raping three years olds, an 11 year old with a baby from rape.... it goes on and on. I watched a story a woman who told of how they came and her husband offered the soldiers the only $15 he had. They said they didn't want the money of a poor man, then they beat him in front of his wife and chopped his body into pieces. They cut off his head (in front of her), his penis and his legs. Then they took everything but the legs and left those with her. Then they beat her over the head with a machete, knocking out 5 of her teeth, after which all of them raped her and left her for dead. There are thousands upon thousands of women in Africa with stories like these.
This sort of thing is happening not just in the Congo, not just in Africa, but all over the world. It happened in Bosnia, in Afghanistan, and many other regions.
As depressing as it was to watch - it REALLY put things into perspective for me. Now I feel like - hey, life really isn't so bad after all. In fact, I feel like a pretty damn big baby after seeing that film.
This sort of thing is happening not just in the Congo, not just in Africa, but all over the world. It happened in Bosnia, in Afghanistan, and many other regions.
As depressing as it was to watch - it REALLY put things into perspective for me. Now I feel like - hey, life really isn't so bad after all. In fact, I feel like a pretty damn big baby after seeing that film.
Woah, woah, woah, they discriminated against you and that's illegal. Call the EEOC near you and file a claim. Discrimination goes both ways--with child or without. Seriously, get it checked out. That's highly disgusting that they would do that if you are qualified.
It's OK - I don't really care to pursue that route. She seems like a really nice lady that's just trying to help mothers. What good what it do me anyway? It's not going to get me that job. At least this way if something opens up in the future, she may still consider me.
I feel like a really bad friend just replying to your post, but better late than never...
So, number one. Please please please call your EEOC (equal opportunity employer office.) I work for a large corporation and I do a lot of hiring and firing and know the do's and dont's. This is definitly a don't....I know it may ruin the chance for you to work there, but I really think it needs to be reported...and who knows...they may call you in for an interview. PLEASE do this...no one should get away with doing this and you may just teach them a lesson.
Number two- Your story is so freakin' typical. This is why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer in this country. Your DH not getting the money he needs because of his fellowship is a perfect example of this. I know it is so hard, but when one door closes, another one opens. Check out some different things you can do at home. I was just introduced to something last night....I am not going to use it as an income right now, but it is really really cool....and there is a lot of money to be made it in. It is called Melaleuca. (MEL-A-LU-KA) They basically make all kinds of enviromentally friendly products for your home, from laundry detergent to soap for your dishwasher, disinfectant, things like that. Did you know RIGHT on the lysol can and on the Oust can (made by lysol) it says to spray the area and close the door and do not enter for one hour? That is crazy! Well, this company makes AMAZING and CHEAP products that you use everyday and they are better than what you buy at Walmart. It is like a club and I joined it for $12.50....you pay it once...and you just shop online! It comes in like two days and it beats going to Wal-Mart and spending $100. You also don't pick up all that other **** you DON'T need when you go in for those few cleaning products that you use. Anyway, I know there are a lot of hokie things out there, but I am going to get involved because I have kids (and hopefully a baby soon!) and those products we use are toxic....these products can be ingested and be ok. There is even a product that got out permant marker....and it is 100% safe. Anyway, there is a way to make a lot of money at this because it is easy to get people to listen to you BECAUSE people will always need to use this stuff!
Keep your chin up....money sucks. It brings so much stress into our lives. Please focus on the positives and the negatives will work themselves out.
Heather
So, number one. Please please please call your EEOC (equal opportunity employer office.) I work for a large corporation and I do a lot of hiring and firing and know the do's and dont's. This is definitly a don't....I know it may ruin the chance for you to work there, but I really think it needs to be reported...and who knows...they may call you in for an interview. PLEASE do this...no one should get away with doing this and you may just teach them a lesson.
Number two- Your story is so freakin' typical. This is why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer in this country. Your DH not getting the money he needs because of his fellowship is a perfect example of this. I know it is so hard, but when one door closes, another one opens. Check out some different things you can do at home. I was just introduced to something last night....I am not going to use it as an income right now, but it is really really cool....and there is a lot of money to be made it in. It is called Melaleuca. (MEL-A-LU-KA) They basically make all kinds of enviromentally friendly products for your home, from laundry detergent to soap for your dishwasher, disinfectant, things like that. Did you know RIGHT on the lysol can and on the Oust can (made by lysol) it says to spray the area and close the door and do not enter for one hour? That is crazy! Well, this company makes AMAZING and CHEAP products that you use everyday and they are better than what you buy at Walmart. It is like a club and I joined it for $12.50....you pay it once...and you just shop online! It comes in like two days and it beats going to Wal-Mart and spending $100. You also don't pick up all that other **** you DON'T need when you go in for those few cleaning products that you use. Anyway, I know there are a lot of hokie things out there, but I am going to get involved because I have kids (and hopefully a baby soon!) and those products we use are toxic....these products can be ingested and be ok. There is even a product that got out permant marker....and it is 100% safe. Anyway, there is a way to make a lot of money at this because it is easy to get people to listen to you BECAUSE people will always need to use this stuff!
Keep your chin up....money sucks. It brings so much stress into our lives. Please focus on the positives and the negatives will work themselves out.
Heather
I understand but at the same time, this is pure discrimination and she'll do it to someone else. She needs to know the rules of employment.
Good luck.
Good luck.
I just read your story and I'm so sorry. That's so unfair. I think you would be a great addition to her staff because you really do love children (as opposed to some moms that never really wanted kids or they got pregnant as a "surprise" or something)...
Oh well, there is probably something better lined up for you, that's all. Trust that the universe is unforlding as it should. Paolo Coehlo said it best in the Alchemist: "What your heart truly desires, the universe conspires to give it to you"
I'm sorry about your difficult times.
Oh well, there is probably something better lined up for you, that's all. Trust that the universe is unforlding as it should. Paolo Coehlo said it best in the Alchemist: "What your heart truly desires, the universe conspires to give it to you"
I'm sorry about your difficult times.
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