Paranoid?

[quasimodo1492]

Ok first of all here is my story. Six weeks ago I had this one night "sex" encounter. I had MM and oral sex. I'm pretty sure that was all. I was worried that it might have been some corporal fluids(blood, vaginal fluids or fecal matter) on the lube she used on me. Any way that was at the begining. Few days after my encounter went to the net to do me research(I'm married). Went to the body, to medhelp and aidsmeds. Almost everybody told me  that what I did was "safe" sex and not even a test was needed. Had unprotected sex with my wife after they told me that and after a std's test came back negative. Of course and since HIV and syphilis have a longer window period I went again to the doctor and he gave me some profilactic antibiotics for the syphilis and again told me I was never at risk. A week after I had sex with my wife she started with sore troath, weakness, dizziness, fever and flu alike sypmthoms. Everything went grong then. I started to thinking that it might have been some frotagge, or an unaware penetration, during the frotagge she might had blood on her vagina or anus(hemorroids is the first thing i think about), and all the posible scenarios. I must say that my encounter was on June 6th. So yesterday I started with a swollen lymph node or something like that on my neck, I'm not sure what it is, but since I'm being paranoid I think the worst: ARS. Don't know what to do now, I'm afraid of everything, have nobody to talk about this, I'm alone. I know that it was an almost no risk activities what I did but then my mind starts whit the "what if" scenarios. I want to do me some tests but of course the simply idea of getting a test done comes with the fear of being pos and again my world turns upside down.

Thank you for reding this. Any ideas?

[Apollo1971]

Dr HHH is an HIV expert and his credibility is not questionable... Teak always says 3 months because that is the CDC guide lines, but not because he has his own patients and deals with HIV testing every day.

Belive what you like and test at 3 months and then im sure you will still be hanging around beliving you have HIV.. ( you will test negative !! ) Besides you had "oral" sex if i have read correctly, whih is no risk and didnt need testing, but you didnt listen to advice then and you wont now and i dont belive you ever will.

You have mental health issues that require a medical expert to help you with your mental state. Until you get help for that then their is not a lot anyone can do for you here. Sadley i belive you wont listen to this advice and continue down the long dark sad road of HIV pointless paranoia.

[quasimodo1492]

Ok I know now it is a DUO test (Ab and ag p24) what I had done. The question now is: why teak insists on testing after 12/13 weeks, and Dr. HHH  says:

"You don't need to wait 3 months. A negative antibody test at 6 weeks will be 100% proof you didn't catch HIV."  ---->http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/p24ELISA-Duo-Test-accuracyPlease-help/show/315107

"The time frame of 3 months until completely reliable testing is standard advice.  But it is hyper-conservative.  The modern HIV antibody tests almost always are positive within 6 weeks.  And as I said above, the combination of negative antibody and negative P24 antigen at 16 days is highly reliable."

"The combo test, which detects both HIV antibody and p24 antigen, is considered virtually 100% reliable at 4 weeks.  Still, some experts recommend a final antibody-only test as late as 3 months, although 6-8 weeks really is sufficient."----->http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/HIV1--HIV2-Antibodies--Combo-Test-Includes-p24-Antigen/show/1004810

"Therefore, a negative duo test any time 4 weeks or more after the last exposure is 100% reliable, and your negative result at 5 weeks proves you were not infected"----->http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/DUO-Test/show/1546327

I can't move on. I really want to move on, but I don't know, teak seems to know a lot about hiv/aids and he said only a three month test will be 100% "sure", so thats why I can't move on.

[quasimodo1492]

heres the news: I got tested at 7 weeks after my encounter...NEGATIVE. The test is called VITROS, and I got only this two questions IS THIS A DUO TEST? DOES THIS TEST HAS GENERATIONS  (Like ELISA)???

[justnotsure123]

if all you had with this girl was oral sex, then you had no risk, and your symptoms have nothing to do with HIV. There are plenty of infections and diseases out there as well as stress and anxiety that can cause all of the symptoms you are having. You cannot try to diagnose yourself based on the symptoms you have, it only makes the anxiety worse.. trust me.

[quasimodo1492]

Nothing new today. The swollen lymph nodes or maybe the anxiety second effects remains. My neck feels weird. I do not know if I have hiv by now. I hope not. Keep reading about HIV and as I read I try to convince myself that nothing I did put my at risk, but still It's hard to understand, my mind play some s..t with me. I keep saying to myself "No penetration = No risk" What keeps me thinking about my risk is the time between the contact and me washing my penis. I know fur sure there where some fluids(blood) and the inner foreskin. I know it was outside the body, but not sure if the time was enough or not. And I know hiv inffects only few cells, and this cells are in the inner foreskin (wish I was circumcized). Maybe thats how I will get infected, maybe not. Read that masturbation even with your partners semen as lube is no risk, but can't convince myself of that, I keep thinking that I'll be the exception. Today went to the movies with my wife, we saw harry potter and all I was thinking about was about this strange sensation on my neck. Can't go on like this....

[quasimodo1492]

I just know what it's wrong with me. I got HIV-PHOBIA. Everything I think about is hiv/aids. I know there is some guilt involved too. Since I was 18 years old I have this irrational fear to hiv. I do not have health care and this is why is so stressing for me to even think about hiv, meds, prices, and everything related. I know hiv is not a death sentence but It migh be for since I do not have the money or the way to get those meds. There is also this conservative way of think in ALL the hiv services in my country. They all say that I was in risk and that it's very possible for me to catch HIV...after reading a lot of serious pages I know it is easier for me to win the lottery than to get infected from oral sex. My wife and I were planing to have babies next year, but now I'm not so sure, I know it's only 2% for the baby to become infected from the mother, but still I do not want to put anohter human being at risk (I've been dumb enought to put my wife at risk) The sore throat is away, I'm sure it was psychosomatic but what worries me it's the fact that one armpit is "bigger" than the other one and the neck unconfortably sensation remains.

Hopefully I'm just being paranoid and hypochondriac. I'm not sure of being tested, I'm so scared of being pos(without money and without health care)...What happends if I do not get tested and I only got tested when it's too late. I mean, let's supose I have hiv, and I spend one year or two like nothing and then suddenly this virus "wakes up". Am I going to die? Would it be too late to take arv's?

[quasimodo1492]

Where did you say I can put my "diary"? In some post you said you can write your diary or thoughts with some tool or something...

[quasimodo1492]

Yesterday I talk with this girl. She told me I never PENETRATED her, and that she has had his latest tests on march, I was pretty calm after that. But I'm still with this swollen lymph nodes(I think, but I'm not sure of how does a swollen lymph node feels) and again I'm thinking that she might said that just to relax me. I'm pretty sure she is pos. I'm feeling weak and now with a god damm sore throat. So guess what..again I'm thinking it might be ARS. I'm starting my 7th week since my encounter. I made the mistake of compulsive searching on the net about the ars sympthoms and they say, is quite imposible to start after 6 weeks but not imposible. So here I'm like a f...king prisoner, without knowing what to do, nobody to talk, nowher to go, and full of fears and anxiety. Don't know what to do, I just see my wife and want to run away from her. Now it's to late to even tell her that I was unfaithfull since we had unprotected sex.

I'm thinking all the time the worst: and now again is this question: If she had had some blood on the lube or in the mouth could this increases the risk, if I didn't wash my penis immediatly after she masturbated and perfomed oral sex on me (after 20 - 30 minutes)? does this increases the risk (There is more time for the virus to get attached to my inner foreskin or urethra.)?

Really, Don't know what to do, I had everything and I threw it all away for 20 f...king minutes of pleasure. Want to be in coma or something, I don't want to know about nothing.