Aa
rape?
Hello everyone. I'm extremely worried over something that happened on Sunday.
I'm a male (bi), 21 years old and very inexperienced with gay sex.
So, In July I met a guy on the internet(sigh) and I finally decided to meet him on Sunday. After dinner we were in his car and decided to have sex. It was my first time being anally penetrated and he was big. (sorry, im so nervos I don't even know how to say this properly) And as soon as he went in, I felt so much pain that I tried to get away and he told me, get on your side and it'll be better, so I did but again, the pain when he started penetrating me was too mch and i tried to push him away, but I couldn't because a) I was in a very bad position b) I was in terrible pain c) he was stronger. So I was crying and beggin him to stop but he wouldn't. I was finally able to kick him and he let go. When i sat up, I saw the condom was gone! It had slipped off when we got on our side and he had been penetrating me without it. I thought I was inside me, and i tried to see if it was there but it wasn't. I saw a little blood on my fingers, then I noticed that the condom was on the floor of the car.
I was really mad and got out of his car and walked home. Later on I began to be very worried, so I called him and begged him to tell me about his sexual activities. He confessed that he has guys whom he has regular sex and sometimes he has sex with people he meets off the internet. He says that the last time he got tested was about a year and a hald and he's never had an STD.
I know that my risk is estremely big because a) a it was condomless b) I bled so there was a lot of contact between his fluids and mine c) it's been a long time since he got tested d) he has a lot of unprotected sex
I'm dead worried! He says he feels fine, and he thinks he's clean. But I feel so anxious!!!! I've had suicide thoughts. I don't know if I'm going to be able to wait three months!.
Anyway, here are my questions:
1) would this be considered rape? I did consent to having sex in the first place, but then I didn't want it anymore!
2) When's the earliest I can get tested? I don't think I can wait three months and I heard that most people will test positive after 25 days if they're infected -is this true?
3)Can I take another test besides ELIZA? I was reading that you can take an RNA test wich can be taken only after two weeks of exposure. Is this true? and if so, where can I find a place that offers this type of test in California? Is it costly?
4)What's the earliest I can test for other STDs?
5) Do the facts that: he's older(37), he's rich, white and didn't come inside of me reduce the chances of me getting HIV? I know this is a stupid question, but I read somewhere that these reduce your risk.
I would really appreciate if you guys helped me with this. I'm so worried...Im constantly having mental break downs and emotional melt downs. Im a disaster since then. I haven't slept, eaten, ...i just need help... please everyone, help me!!!!!
I'm a male (bi), 21 years old and very inexperienced with gay sex.
So, In July I met a guy on the internet(sigh) and I finally decided to meet him on Sunday. After dinner we were in his car and decided to have sex. It was my first time being anally penetrated and he was big. (sorry, im so nervos I don't even know how to say this properly) And as soon as he went in, I felt so much pain that I tried to get away and he told me, get on your side and it'll be better, so I did but again, the pain when he started penetrating me was too mch and i tried to push him away, but I couldn't because a) I was in a very bad position b) I was in terrible pain c) he was stronger. So I was crying and beggin him to stop but he wouldn't. I was finally able to kick him and he let go. When i sat up, I saw the condom was gone! It had slipped off when we got on our side and he had been penetrating me without it. I thought I was inside me, and i tried to see if it was there but it wasn't. I saw a little blood on my fingers, then I noticed that the condom was on the floor of the car.
I was really mad and got out of his car and walked home. Later on I began to be very worried, so I called him and begged him to tell me about his sexual activities. He confessed that he has guys whom he has regular sex and sometimes he has sex with people he meets off the internet. He says that the last time he got tested was about a year and a hald and he's never had an STD.
I know that my risk is estremely big because a) a it was condomless b) I bled so there was a lot of contact between his fluids and mine c) it's been a long time since he got tested d) he has a lot of unprotected sex
I'm dead worried! He says he feels fine, and he thinks he's clean. But I feel so anxious!!!! I've had suicide thoughts. I don't know if I'm going to be able to wait three months!.
Anyway, here are my questions:
1) would this be considered rape? I did consent to having sex in the first place, but then I didn't want it anymore!
2) When's the earliest I can get tested? I don't think I can wait three months and I heard that most people will test positive after 25 days if they're infected -is this true?
3)Can I take another test besides ELIZA? I was reading that you can take an RNA test wich can be taken only after two weeks of exposure. Is this true? and if so, where can I find a place that offers this type of test in California? Is it costly?
4)What's the earliest I can test for other STDs?
5) Do the facts that: he's older(37), he's rich, white and didn't come inside of me reduce the chances of me getting HIV? I know this is a stupid question, but I read somewhere that these reduce your risk.
I would really appreciate if you guys helped me with this. I'm so worried...Im constantly having mental break downs and emotional melt downs. Im a disaster since then. I haven't slept, eaten, ...i just need help... please everyone, help me!!!!!
Hey joggen, im on my fourth week now! I;m anxious! it's going to be hard for me to get to my 6th week and go test. I'll be so scared and I won't be able to sleep during that week. I don't want to think about it though, i am tired of being worried, really sometimes i wih id just go to sleep.
Also, i thought that if you had something like an open cut, that would increase the risks of hiv getting into your bloodstream?
Also, you're right...breaking off with him is the best thing i can do. I saw him last night. I hadn't seen him since the other night when we had sex. We had sex last night too. The condom stayed on the whole time and im sure about that. But i don't loike seeing him. I don't like sex with him. I've decided to just dissapear and not talk to him anymore. ugh, im a mess. I don't even know why i saw him.
But honestly, everytime i thought about leaving him i though that maybe i could get him to get tested. but yeah, so far he hasnt'. I asked him about his status. he said hes 100 percent hes clean.
Also, i thought that if you had something like an open cut, that would increase the risks of hiv getting into your bloodstream?
Also, you're right...breaking off with him is the best thing i can do. I saw him last night. I hadn't seen him since the other night when we had sex. We had sex last night too. The condom stayed on the whole time and im sure about that. But i don't loike seeing him. I don't like sex with him. I've decided to just dissapear and not talk to him anymore. ugh, im a mess. I don't even know why i saw him.
But honestly, everytime i thought about leaving him i though that maybe i could get him to get tested. but yeah, so far he hasnt'. I asked him about his status. he said hes 100 percent hes clean.
The fact that you bled doesn't increase the risk. The odds are still in your favor. I understand preparing for the worst- that comes with HIV Anxiety- but from my perspective it is premature to assume you are positive at this stage.
As good as it would be for you to know his status, I don't think you should attempt to do that by continuing to date him, considering what happened. If he isn't sincere about getting tested then it is probably best to break off contact with him.
As good as it would be for you to know his status, I don't think you should attempt to do that by continuing to date him, considering what happened. If he isn't sincere about getting tested then it is probably best to break off contact with him.
oops, thats supposed to be "what happened THAT night not LAST...lol sry
Update time:
Joggen, you're probably right. It's cold and flu seas and everyones getting it. But i don't know...I rarely felt sick, I was fine, just a sneeze here and there, but yesterday i lost my voice. my trhoat doesnt hurt, it just feels raspy and it's hard to speak.
Anyway, I'm not anxious anymore...not at all, the whole thing has progressed to something else. Now, it's more like...resignation. I'm making plans about my new life. instead of anxiety attacks, i get depression attacks. Last night, i was talking to this friend of my and we had made plans to go to Europe once we graduated, but now it's like ugh...I can't go because of this new thing. Nothing gets me excited anymore.
I also have been talking to Mas (the guy whom 'I had sex with') and I've told him I do want to see him again, because he keeps insisting and he says he wasnts to get to know me better etc etc. We hadn't talked about what happened last night in his car. But last night we were supposed to go have dinner (but then i told him i was really really sick and couldnt) and he also kind of apologized for what happened. He said he had had a little too many drinks and he thought I was just faking the whole thing until he noticed i was crying.
Anyways, he told me he'd call tonight to see if i was better and wanted to go out.
I don't want to see him anymore, im not interested....I just want to forget about it all and move on -infected or not. The only reason why i keep answering his calls is because I've been trying to get him to get tested and he always says: ill do it this week i promise, but then he's too busy. Last ngith i talked to him about it again and he said he'd get tested next week because this one is a crazy week. I don't know if he's scared or maybe he thinks he's really clean and doens't need to get tested. But if he tested negative...well, I can be a little more confient that ill be neg. too. But if he testes positive, then ill be positive for sure. Why? cause i realized I had bled while having sex.
Anyway, god, i always write too much! blah!
Joggen, you're probably right. It's cold and flu seas and everyones getting it. But i don't know...I rarely felt sick, I was fine, just a sneeze here and there, but yesterday i lost my voice. my trhoat doesnt hurt, it just feels raspy and it's hard to speak.
Anyway, I'm not anxious anymore...not at all, the whole thing has progressed to something else. Now, it's more like...resignation. I'm making plans about my new life. instead of anxiety attacks, i get depression attacks. Last night, i was talking to this friend of my and we had made plans to go to Europe once we graduated, but now it's like ugh...I can't go because of this new thing. Nothing gets me excited anymore.
I also have been talking to Mas (the guy whom 'I had sex with') and I've told him I do want to see him again, because he keeps insisting and he says he wasnts to get to know me better etc etc. We hadn't talked about what happened last night in his car. But last night we were supposed to go have dinner (but then i told him i was really really sick and couldnt) and he also kind of apologized for what happened. He said he had had a little too many drinks and he thought I was just faking the whole thing until he noticed i was crying.
Anyways, he told me he'd call tonight to see if i was better and wanted to go out.
I don't want to see him anymore, im not interested....I just want to forget about it all and move on -infected or not. The only reason why i keep answering his calls is because I've been trying to get him to get tested and he always says: ill do it this week i promise, but then he's too busy. Last ngith i talked to him about it again and he said he'd get tested next week because this one is a crazy week. I don't know if he's scared or maybe he thinks he's really clean and doens't need to get tested. But if he tested negative...well, I can be a little more confient that ill be neg. too. But if he testes positive, then ill be positive for sure. Why? cause i realized I had bled while having sex.
Anyway, god, i always write too much! blah!
Colds, flu, etc. are NOT signs of HIV infection. It's cold and flu SEASON- almost everybody is going to get sick, for crying out loud. I just came out of a nasty, lingering cold, that eventually infected my lungs, and I wasn't the least bit considered about HIV.
I still think a PCR (RNA) test might be available to you through a physician, like an infectious disease specialist. But I don't want to push it on you- it's just an option worth considering. The downside to the PCR is that it has a relatively higher rate of false positives than antibody testing.
Look at it this way- you've made it past two weeks already, and you are not as anxious as you were when you first came here. If you've waited this long, you can wait until six weeks. Take it one day at a time.
I still think a PCR (RNA) test might be available to you through a physician, like an infectious disease specialist. But I don't want to push it on you- it's just an option worth considering. The downside to the PCR is that it has a relatively higher rate of false positives than antibody testing.
Look at it this way- you've made it past two weeks already, and you are not as anxious as you were when you first came here. If you've waited this long, you can wait until six weeks. Take it one day at a time.
Thanks Joggen. I've decided I'm going to wait until six weeks to be confident. Then I'll test at three months -if they don't tell me before that i indeed am infected.
My anxiety is not as bad as it was at first. But I'm still uh, i don't even know how to explain. I'm tired, i'm tired of being worried...i just wanna get it over with... last week I was in a very positive mood...but since tuesday that changed. And the reason why is because i developed this cold/flu thing. I mean, what a coinsidence that the i got it at two weeks after my exposure...
I don't know...i think i should begin to think about what i'm going to do with my new life.
My anxiety is not as bad as it was at first. But I'm still uh, i don't even know how to explain. I'm tired, i'm tired of being worried...i just wanna get it over with... last week I was in a very positive mood...but since tuesday that changed. And the reason why is because i developed this cold/flu thing. I mean, what a coinsidence that the i got it at two weeks after my exposure...
I don't know...i think i should begin to think about what i'm going to do with my new life.
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