Support?

[Insina]

Hi all, I am not sure why I am writing down all this. I guess I am looking for some support. It's been almost 5 months now since my high risk exposure. The anxiety gets worse and worse, so I finally decided to go back to my home country to do the final test.

I've been tested negative after one week and 39 days. It didn't really give me much relieve. rather the opposite: I got so anxious that I couldn't go to a further test. Sometimes I am so convinced that I won't have my happy end that I prefer enjoying the time without the final diagnosis as long as I can.

I know, it's stupid. And actually I even can't enjoy it. I am experiencing symptoms for the whole last 4 months which make me even more anxious and going mad.

It started with the possible ARS 5 weeks after exposure: immense fatigue, weight loss of 3kg, vision problems with my left eye. At least no fever.

2 weeks later, 7 weeks after exposure, I got two painful and whiteheaded pimples on my thigh and in my pubic area.

3 weeks later, 8 weeks after exposure, I discovered swellings behind my knee (lymph nodes?) together with some weird buring sensations, followed by pain a few days later. Then pain started to spread over the complete knee during the next weeks. Some kind of reactive arthristis? Also some itchy rash on my shins...

3 months after exposure first a very stiff neck and then a sudden hearing loss in my left ear. Mild one, but lastet for almost one month. I still have ringing in the ear.

After 4 months again stiff neck and a weird tight feeling around my neck, almost like strangulation. Couldn't discover any swollen lymph nodes.

And now my right shoulder is causing pain around the armpit. In addition the outer side of my armpit seems swollen. Well, to be honest I can't really say if it's a swollen lymph node or maybe just my muscle or bone what I am feeling there. But it's enough to drive me mad once more.

I sometimes experience burning sensations, some times mild pain in my neck and armpit, sometimes behind my knees. Just for a very short moment.

Anxiety has really taken over me. I can't handle the stress anymore and so I almost look forward to the test.

I don't wanna bother you, I guess I just had to write this down although I really appreciate any support. I feel lonely with my problems, can't really talk with anyone about it. Always thought I can somehow handle this, but it just got too much.

[Insina]

Thanks so much. I pray for it night and day. The whole thing has changed me already so much. And I learned a big big lesson about life. I honestly hope that I will get this one last chance to prove that I have become a better person.

[Brad_]

Well wait the 4 weeks then. Expect a negative result.

Your symptoms arent even typical of early hiv, and you have a test backing you up.

[Insina]

Thanks for your replies, guys. I really appreciate.

Reagrding he test it's a little bit tricky. I am in a country where a positive test would mean the termination of my residence permit. You may think that does not matter then anyway. But I not only have my job here, I also have my gf here. She knows about everything and ironically my big mistake (condom broke during anal sex qith prostitute) brought us closer together than we ever were before. We plan to marry.

So in case at least I want to keep the chance to return to here. And if it's just to say goodbye... That's why I can't do the test right now, but first have to return to my (more open minded) home country which I will do in 4 weeks.

[lookin4answers80]

None of your symptoms sound anything like ARS, which is usually a fever, sore throat, rash, diarrhea, and things like that (although not necessarily all of them). The symptoms last a week or two and go away. Lots of people who contract HIV have no symptoms at all, however. If it's been three months since your potential exposure, then what are you waiting for? Go get tested so you can find out one way or another and quit worrying about what you don't know about.

[Brad_]

90% of your post is meaningless. The only part that mattered was when you stated you had a negative test at 39 days which is encouraging. You need to go to get a rapid test TODAY and collect your conlcusive negative result and be done with this.

By the way, ARS symptoms dont last 5 months, they come and go quickly.