Stress on the Family- Stress on me. I can't take a separation.

[BIOPHIL]

Things are getting harder by the day, now my Wife, who has been so supportive is saying she can't take it anymore and wants to separate. She says that I Am overbearing and verbaly abusive. I live for my family and my kids, and i dont know what to do. I am very ittitable sometimes, I just came back from the Doctor's office and they want me to see a psychiatrist, as I am very Disraeught. What does this all mean, what shall I do? I feel that my only strenth came from the love of my family, my own strenth is so depleted.What do I do if my wife wants to separate from me?

[cuteus]

I wished for many years that my mom had left my dad when we were young.  we witnessed too much belittleling and abuse for too many years. do what is best for you and your kids and good luck to you.
biophills posts in the begining do show that he is not ready to do something about his illness. He argued and laughed at those who suggested he consider treatment. It is time to act.
best to you

[chellski]

thanks for coming and reading and posting.   there are always two sides to a story; sometimes more.  sounds like you've been through alot too, but bottom line is we all have to want to take care of ourselves - you too!  physical violence is not an option.  do what you have to do - and what's best for kids.
michelle

[bobbyullc]

sorry,

i hope she comes to her senses. if not you need to do it for you and take what comes. hang in there.

[Califia]

Perhaps your husband is finally ready to say yes to therapy, and yes to a settling of psychic accounts.   You know, it seems a real miracle that you've actually survived this long while carrying such a large load of anger and resentment, but your loyalty is also a strong and positive foundation for sorting it all out.  Even if you two eventually part,  it would be a good thing to have everything on the table and accounted for.   But something tells me that this time there is a real chance for some higher resolution.  In Hebrew, there is a word for repentance (t'shuvah) which literally means to turn, to return to what is essential.   I really hope you are able to return together to what you once had when you were starting out.

Whatever Phil's native temperament, liver disease can definitely contribute to emotional instability.   I have been told by people who work in Hepatology that liver patients are notorious for being loose cannons--erratic and emotionally volatile.  And there you are with the double whammy of Lymes disease and CFS.   These are terrible cards you two have been dealt, and while you might feel you're at the end of your endurance, I hope you'll hang on just a little longer.  May this crisis bring to you and your family a true healing of body and spirit.

[BIOPHIL]

This is biophil's wife thank you all for being so supportive.
Our breaking up has been a long time in the works well over 8 years. First let me inform you he dose not take his health issues seriously at all so for the past 8 years I have been asking, begging, setting up doc appointments that he will not show up to, paying hundreds of dollars for appointments that he did not go to. tollarated his abuse because "he is ill" I have given him altimatems "you can't treat me like this if you don't get professional help I can't stay" this is going on for several years. He constantly undermines every thing I do we run a company together and creates with one hand and destroyes with an other. He is an all or nothing guy, Every thing that went right in the company last year he did, every thing that went bad in the company I did. You see his rational for every thing. When I was very ill with lyme and CFS he shipped me far away to "be near my family" but a million miles from my Dr. so he would not have to see me ill and I had the kids with me. To this day he threatens me with your illness in not ...mine is ...like we should be comparing notes and it is a compitition. We fight often and he is verbaly abusive and has gotten physical. Still when he would not go to a tharapist, after that, their is no sticking around. After many more ignored aultimatems and extending them to give him another chance. He would do NOTHING TO CHANGE. BY his actions, he obviously did not care about me or his children. After he punched me in my ribs, he still did not get help, and continued to be verbally abusive. He had ruptured varises and was in intensive care for a week. I was their with him every single day and brought him home on my birthday which I was taunted all night. I loved him and care more about him than he does him self. I will be their for him through his illness, I will go with him to doc appointments, to therapy, I will support him emotionaly and financialy, he has to take responsibility for his life and his actions. I can't live in the same house any more, I have to find my self back and he is way to over bearing. I no longer have any friends because of him...he constantly prommises he will do something and never does, some thing as simple as cleaning up after him self to something as complicated as showing up on time for clients, doc, and for me. 10 min is something 2 hours that is not even ok.
All I asked was to see a tharapist was that so difficult.

[friole]

biophil
Your last post here is so encouraging.  I think your relationship has a chance.  The CFS is just as debilitating as being run down from hep c (she has been tested for hep c, hasn't she?).  I am just starting treatment and worry about my anger and outbursts - I am always pretty short and worry about getting worse.  I am going to sit hubby down and talk about this so he can tell me rationally if I start going "over the top."

chellski,
Everytime you share a little more about your husband and how those years were and how he died, I am just so moved.  My heart goes out to you.  It sounds like you are doing all the right things with your girls and your family.  Things must be looking up since you had a clear PCR (hooray).  How are the girls doing now? Starting to get ready for school in the fall?  It is only 2 weeks away, here in West Texas.
Kathy