Aa
after the treatment will my wife ever be herself again
My wife has her last treatment he 20th of feb and wee would have been married a year feb 22. She has been mad all week and today became violent and told me she hated me and she wanted a divorce. so I dont know what to think.I have tried very hard to be supportive but the last month she has been getting meaner and very hurtful. All she wants is her dogs and we went from one to four since may. She has kicked me out of our bedroom and treats me like a dog..know they sleep with her so worse. I was marrried to an abusive woman for 11 years and I said never again. I dont want to give up on my wife I love her but she has me so stressed out that I am onmeds for depression and it is just getting worse,she informed me that this is her home I dont have one.
nothing brings out the worst in people like this treatment.
My personal opinion, after going from pretty easy going to the grinch that stole christmas is everyone should go on antidepressants before starting tx.
this tx makes you want to curl up in a ball somewhere and only come out to cry or scratch something!!
If you can hang in there and remember it's not her it's the drugs....but many marriages have been broken over this.
The problem in this tx strips all the happy chemicals from your brain. Once they are gone, it feels like someone took a cheesegrater to your psyche. It hurts to think, to talk, to be touched or even looked at. Paranoia runs deep is an understatement.
The only thing I can advise you, is plead with her and her doc to get her on some antideppressant. I take remeron at night, and also take .05 Ativan with each Riba dose because it was jangling my nerves so bad I couldn't sit without quivering or even keep clothing on my body it hurt so much.
If you can get her on the right meds, and be as tender and attentive as possible while her system settles down you might make it. My hubby leaves me alone for the most part, except he brought me meals, and pills, and water, and that's what I needed while trying to ride out the rollercoaster. It settled down once the meds began to work.
(which will happen more quickly if they will give her some ativan or xanax. The others take a couple months to kick in.
Right now, she is like a sick animal wanting to crawl in her cage and die. I know, and that's probably on her mind a lot, wanting to die. Hang in there, and remember the person you married and swore to love. Just tell her, I am here to take care of you, because I love you. Even if you don't love me right now, I know that's these nasty chemicals, and I'm going to be right here, or right out in the dog house for when you need me. Then give her a little bell so she can call you when she needs something.
A lot of times, its just knowing someone cares, or the fear that they don't that makes people push others away. Once you show consistant fidelity that should change. All you need is for her to know you are commited and forgiving....and remember right now she is probably very scared. Scared of what this disease and meds are doing to her, scared of what it will mean if she doesn't get well, scared of giving it to you...and on it goes.
The reason she has surrounded herself with dogs is so that one at least will always be available to emotionally help her hold on. So her actions are telling you she wants and needs comfort, she just doesn't know how to ask for, or get it from you.
Try a few tactical changes, like rent or get funny movies from the library, let her choose what gets watched on TV, etc. anything to accomodate because her emotions are raw.
(I was crying over Charmin commercials)...I mean anything and everything could set off a crying for no reason spree....so you need to walk gently on the eggs....very gently.
This too shall pass. And don't think it's cause she's a woman....my NP told me "this is the only treatment where we have seen grown Marines reduced to pools of tears".
So even if she looks no different, even he RNA/DNA is being attacked by this...and she literally has little bombs going off on a cellular level from stem to stern. She's in a war zone, so you have to treat it like a recovery ward. Don't jostle the patient just clean up the messes and see that you do all in your power to keep things easier and lessen her load. My hubby totally took over the cooking, laundry and everything.....and I think if I had had to do that when I was in the worst of it....it would have been more than I could have borne. I credit his compassion with bringing me through this last year and a half with our love and marriage still intact. If not for his patience and forbearance it could have been a very different outcome. And yes, someday, she will be back...it's just everyone gets very cranky taking "pesticides" for months....
mb
My personal opinion, after going from pretty easy going to the grinch that stole christmas is everyone should go on antidepressants before starting tx.
this tx makes you want to curl up in a ball somewhere and only come out to cry or scratch something!!
If you can hang in there and remember it's not her it's the drugs....but many marriages have been broken over this.
The problem in this tx strips all the happy chemicals from your brain. Once they are gone, it feels like someone took a cheesegrater to your psyche. It hurts to think, to talk, to be touched or even looked at. Paranoia runs deep is an understatement.
The only thing I can advise you, is plead with her and her doc to get her on some antideppressant. I take remeron at night, and also take .05 Ativan with each Riba dose because it was jangling my nerves so bad I couldn't sit without quivering or even keep clothing on my body it hurt so much.
If you can get her on the right meds, and be as tender and attentive as possible while her system settles down you might make it. My hubby leaves me alone for the most part, except he brought me meals, and pills, and water, and that's what I needed while trying to ride out the rollercoaster. It settled down once the meds began to work.
(which will happen more quickly if they will give her some ativan or xanax. The others take a couple months to kick in.
Right now, she is like a sick animal wanting to crawl in her cage and die. I know, and that's probably on her mind a lot, wanting to die. Hang in there, and remember the person you married and swore to love. Just tell her, I am here to take care of you, because I love you. Even if you don't love me right now, I know that's these nasty chemicals, and I'm going to be right here, or right out in the dog house for when you need me. Then give her a little bell so she can call you when she needs something.
A lot of times, its just knowing someone cares, or the fear that they don't that makes people push others away. Once you show consistant fidelity that should change. All you need is for her to know you are commited and forgiving....and remember right now she is probably very scared. Scared of what this disease and meds are doing to her, scared of what it will mean if she doesn't get well, scared of giving it to you...and on it goes.
The reason she has surrounded herself with dogs is so that one at least will always be available to emotionally help her hold on. So her actions are telling you she wants and needs comfort, she just doesn't know how to ask for, or get it from you.
Try a few tactical changes, like rent or get funny movies from the library, let her choose what gets watched on TV, etc. anything to accomodate because her emotions are raw.
(I was crying over Charmin commercials)...I mean anything and everything could set off a crying for no reason spree....so you need to walk gently on the eggs....very gently.
This too shall pass. And don't think it's cause she's a woman....my NP told me "this is the only treatment where we have seen grown Marines reduced to pools of tears".
So even if she looks no different, even he RNA/DNA is being attacked by this...and she literally has little bombs going off on a cellular level from stem to stern. She's in a war zone, so you have to treat it like a recovery ward. Don't jostle the patient just clean up the messes and see that you do all in your power to keep things easier and lessen her load. My hubby totally took over the cooking, laundry and everything.....and I think if I had had to do that when I was in the worst of it....it would have been more than I could have borne. I credit his compassion with bringing me through this last year and a half with our love and marriage still intact. If not for his patience and forbearance it could have been a very different outcome. And yes, someday, she will be back...it's just everyone gets very cranky taking "pesticides" for months....
mb
What nice things to say to depressed husband.Thank you. Getting ready to take my 12th. shot and don't have the experience that you guys have with these meds.Atleast I know I'm in the Normal range, so to speak.
Depressedhusband.Good Luck with everything !
Tammy
Depressedhusband.Good Luck with everything !
Tammy
I live alone and yelled at the air for months and months! I was SO agitated and angry I couldnt tolerate myself! It will go away after tx.
That was one of my worst sx was anger I could have punched someone everyday!
I am a very mellow, peaceful person in general, and NEVER get out of control never.
Tx made me become a nasty wicked person.
Im finished tx now and back to my old self....
I know what your going thru.
We all do.
Charm27
That was one of my worst sx was anger I could have punched someone everyday!
I am a very mellow, peaceful person in general, and NEVER get out of control never.
Tx made me become a nasty wicked person.
Im finished tx now and back to my old self....
I know what your going thru.
We all do.
Charm27
Just to give you an example of how nuts these meds can make you.
I have a 20 year old daughter I love more than life. She was born with serious lung problems and has almost died three times.
Once during treatment I looked at her and told her to stop breathing she was breathing too loudly. Yup. From her mommy who loves her more than anything in the whole world. I didn't mean it and certainly didn't mean to say it out loud but somehow when we are hurting sometimes we lash out the most at the ones we truly love because we know they love us so it's easier than dealing with ourselves.
Treatment ***** plain and simple but the meds REALLY do physically and mentally alter you - to some people to a great extent. I was lucky my doc started me on antidepressents a month BEFORE treatment started. Could you imagine what a witch I would have been without them?
Fortunately I had a very long discussion with my family about the possibilities before I started so they KNEW it wasn't really "me" it was the 'meds'. You have to try to realize that too.
Once her body detoxes the meds for a couple of months after treatment see how it goes. Most likely things will go back to 'normal'. You are one brave soul and the kind of husband every woman dreams of having. I wish I had had one during treatment however...I probably would have tried to hate him away too, see I hated what I was going through so it was just easier to put it on others sometimes rather than deal with it myself.
hang in there and best of luck.
I have a 20 year old daughter I love more than life. She was born with serious lung problems and has almost died three times.
Once during treatment I looked at her and told her to stop breathing she was breathing too loudly. Yup. From her mommy who loves her more than anything in the whole world. I didn't mean it and certainly didn't mean to say it out loud but somehow when we are hurting sometimes we lash out the most at the ones we truly love because we know they love us so it's easier than dealing with ourselves.
Treatment ***** plain and simple but the meds REALLY do physically and mentally alter you - to some people to a great extent. I was lucky my doc started me on antidepressents a month BEFORE treatment started. Could you imagine what a witch I would have been without them?
Fortunately I had a very long discussion with my family about the possibilities before I started so they KNEW it wasn't really "me" it was the 'meds'. You have to try to realize that too.
Once her body detoxes the meds for a couple of months after treatment see how it goes. Most likely things will go back to 'normal'. You are one brave soul and the kind of husband every woman dreams of having. I wish I had had one during treatment however...I probably would have tried to hate him away too, see I hated what I was going through so it was just easier to put it on others sometimes rather than deal with it myself.
hang in there and best of luck.
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