how do i tell my boyfriend

[jillbear]

i have herpes?  i am under a lot of other stress , like facing a female sugery for a tumor,  which i knew i had, but just found out last week that it needs to come out, , and retook a the test just in case, we are in our 50's, , so when and how is the best way to tell him?    we have not had vaginal sex for the last 3 weeks but we did do anal sex about 2 weeks ago, which ,was before the test results came back, and i have had a sort of burning in the vaginal area, we used toys there, so i first thought that that was from the toys but i have been bleeding there, so i do not know if you bleed from herpes , i bleed from the tumor when my blood pressure goes up, , but tommorrow my new test result should be back.. so how do i tell him, do i wait until he shows up with something?   i am having a female sugery, which will probably eliminate having sex, they may do a total removal of everything..  so, i need his suppport thru this, but i am sick to my stomach of not telling him ,..  need advice..  

[gracefromHHP]

I've already commented previously on your test results. your 2nd test results do not change a thing. You had hsv2 the first time you tested, your 2nd test results just confirm that. Other than being positive, they are meaningless.

grace

[jillbear]

CAN YOU look over my test results from the orgianl post to the new one?  i would really appreicate it .. tonite or tommroow my bf are sitting down for a long talk..

[jillbear]

here is the  retest results


HSV 2 IGg  specific     value at 5.79   neg .91 eqvuivocal 0.91-1.09  positive 1/09 greater than

statements notes  negivitive indicates no anitbodies detectd to HSV-2   equivocal may suggest early infection  if clinically appropriate, retest at a later date.  Positive indicates anitibodies detected to HSV-2   coinfection with HSV-1 CANNOT  be exclued without type specific testing...

[jillbear]

i think that i finally got a outbreak  maybe all of the stress of my dads death, finances, getting a new job, or was it being with a new partner?   not to sound like a uneducated person, but i a guess i am, in this situation,  what is the time frame of being exposed to getting a new , brand new outbreak?  i have been so freaked out about telling my boyfriend, i am getting new test results back tommorrow, can i induce my own outbreak?  my lips were burning on  wed , went away, but we are also having very high heat , now my downstair lips ache, and i feel a burning inside and irriated..  i have been with my new bf since apriil 27, and we used condoms excepted for the last few times, and we did anal, since i was bleeding and i feel a bump outside of my anus,  if i go to a doctor, can they tell or swap?      i am just a basket of nerves...  i had a bisopy to see if i had unterine cancer..  

[jillbear]

hey,  i remember that my bf  told me that his family history of scaeomas, a virus that is soft cell cancer fat lumps under the skin  i remember him  going to check out if was cancer or not   they are on his lower back...  is there any way to tell if i got weaken by him?  not to blame him, but i do not know when, where i got herpes , and now i need to get a female sugery, and there are complications if i have a std active.

[jillbear]

thanks..    

[gracefromHHP]

the longer you wait, the harder it gets to talk about. Just sit down with him and talk about this.

you won't be without sex for months or a year because of a hysterectomy either!!!  If you've not yet found the hystersisters website, I encourage you to do so. it's a terrific site with lots of good information and support :)  

don't assume you know how your partner will react either. Talk about your test results and encourage him to get tested to know his status too.  

grace

[jillbear]

i know i need to tell him..  i know that he will leave, i have been so wrapped up in getting everything ready for this sugery.. i was waiting to see if i would go thru the change of life  so i would not have to have this sugery...  i need his support thru this sugery, ...    we sort of have a business together..   starting out ..  

what was strange is , we did anal sex since i was having my period, and it was two days before i found out,  his dad had a mini stroke last week , so we all were in the hospital, and tommorrrow i should get the new blood tests back, just to confirm..

we just didnt have the opportunity to sit down .  we had dinner last nite, i did explain to him that due to this new sugery, i will probably not be a sex partner anymore, for at least months or a yr.and he said he will wait.. he is understanding, but i feel that if i tell him regarding the herpes he will leave  he keeps asking me about the blood tests..

[petal130]

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Herpes/confused-and-depressedd-regarding-herpe-reports/show/1286594

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Herpes/count-for-hsv-testing/show/1288796?personal_page_id=1618821#post_5899376

Please try to add to your existing post, it's much less confusing that way.

You really, truly, need to let your boyfriend know you are HSV2 positive if you are sexually active (including anal sex) with him. Imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned. Knowledge is power, so your best bet is to just be honest with him and present it based on factual knowledge that you did not know and recently found out through blood testing. He needs to be tested as well with an IgG type specific blood test.

[life goes on]

It's never easy having to tell a partner you have a long term std.  But I'm not clear with your statement.  Did you recently learn that you have Herpes and if so which one?  Also your partner may have herpes.  90% of those infected with herpes are unaware they have this disease.  The reason for this is that not everyone has visible outbreak(sores).  Other symptoms to look for is a burning sensation on your genitals, redness, and itching.  This disease does not affect everyone the same way.

To your question when should I tell my partner I say now.  You should never withheld something so vital.  

Tell simply I recently have been tested for std's and my test came positive for Herpes. I recently began experiencing a burning sensation on my genitial area.     And tell him he needs to be tested.  

Hope this helps.

Veronica