wife with migraines

[cedric43]

My wife and I have been married for a year and a half but have been friends for over 20 years. She has chronic migraines and is in pain every day of the year. She takes a long list of meds and sees every doctor out there. She has also been to the Mayo clinic for many years. My question or cry for help is, Is it normal for her to find comfort with her dog and cell phone games than with her own kids(step) and husband? I try and talk or comfort her but there is very little or most of the time no response. I love her very much and know i cant do anything for her so please help me with any advice to keep my sanity.

[cedric43]

sudie, ImDONENoMore and cleanitup, i did for get to mention she has a nerve stimulator in- plant for occipital neuralgia. you see there is so much going on with her that i forget a lot that she has. I guess it's part of the frustration of trying to learn her illnesses and coping with what's going on. But hey, when you Love someone you do what needs to be done.

[ImDONENoMore]

Yes, the behavior you describe is typical of addict behavior and opiate abuse.  This is a fine line though, because although we don't want to treat our loved ones like this, we do and the drugs become the most important part of our lives.  I know she's in a lot of pain, many of the members here are (including me).  But I agree with sudie - she needs to be assessed again by her Dr. to see if she can begin to wean off some of her meds - and cleaninitup is right about rebound pain - the drugs can begin to cause MORE problems than you had to begin with - and that includes more and more headaches (migraines), body pain, etc.  It wasn't until I was off the drugs that my pain began to subside and is now easily treated with non-narcotics.

[cleaninitup]

I have suffered from migraines for years and headaches on a daily basis. I stopped taking hydrocodone 23 days ago after being on them for well over 2 years and havent had a headache since then. I was getting the rebound headaches from the hydro. Everyone is diffrent but thought would share. :) Best of luck and you are a good man for wanting/trying to help your wife.

[cedric43]

thanks, but i still need to work harder on the notion that she isn't being mean, withdrawn,anti-social to the family and snappy on purpose and that it's her condition that is causing it. TRUE?

[sudie58]

well thats good then, all of the drugs she is on can cause dependancy, meaning her body now needs them, hence the withdrawals, i do feel for her.

[cedric43]

last week she ran out of both of those meds and one other. we changed Insurances and had to change her pain doc which her meds ran out before she was able to see him.I had to take her to the E.R. and they did say that her alotted time for the meds were correct but her body was going thru with drawls. Since here meds were to their time line they gave her new scripts to have filled but only enough until her appointment with the pain doc. I have often thought that she was addicted to the meds but I grew up in a neighbor hood of addicts and i feel her pain is there, but she is checked each month and re-assessed.

[sudie58]

ketamin as a nasal spray is for pain, as is the oxycodone, so if shes on others too , thats a lot of pain meds. which in turn could be causing migraines.

[sudie58]

i am sure your wife does need a re- assessment , i think these migraines are happening far too frequently, and i wonder why she is being prescribed the ketamin, its quiet here at the moment , but im sure someone with more experiences of your wifes meds etc can help you , take care and god bless.

[cedric43]

sudie, yes i miss spelled Ketamin. with Ketamin she has three doses a day thru the nose. there is one med she takes that is taken only once in the a.m. and one at night. I think its the opana and the oxycodine. yes she does have hallucination but mild ones from these meds. Mostly smoke streams or spiders. She does have a pain doctor that she sees monthly along with a hormone doctor and a thyroid doc for Hoshimoto's desease.
Thanks

[sudie58]

hi, i really dont think its normal to have migraines every single day, and taking lots of opiate meds can actualy cause headaches, a thing called rebound pain.as imDONENoMore says the painkillers can also stop working , due to a high tolerance of them . i am sure she doesnt want to be like this every day, what is your wife taking and how much? it seems a good pain dr. would be a good idea, to re -assess her. i dont know of any drug called katamin, do you mean ketamin ? thats very strong, and needs looking into, best wishes,      sudie

[ImDONENoMore]

Good catch - it's my sister-in-law who has dealt with migraines for many many years.  And she's on all kinds of drugs - and I do sense she's addicted to most of them although she would never admit that.  She would probably be considered a "high functioning" addict - still goes to work (although she does take a lot of sick days) and still stays fairly busy.  But I sense there's more to her situation than she lets on.

But she does tell me when her migraines get really bad that she can't handle ANY outside stimuli - which includes any noise, daylight - to the point where she needs to lay down in a dark room and has difficulty even speaking when they get really bad.  So yes, I do have some experience with it.

Good luck to you - I'm on the website at least a couple times a day so feel free to PM me if you'd like - and continue posting - at the very least, being able to vent your feelings will help.  :)

[cedric43]

thank you very much, i'm not always able to get on the web because (i don't understand but i'm trying) she wants me there but that's it. no noise, computer because of the tapping, no talking... you what i mean? she is asleep so i thought i would try some more research.
If you have anything else feel free to post it.
   By the way, from your posting it seems you or someone you know has Migraines. Thanks again

[ImDONENoMore]

Well I am glad to hear you have approached her about this - and even though she may be denying that it's anything more than pain, and I'm not saying that it isn't just the pain, but even still, continue to talk to her so she's reassured that you will be there for her no matter what.

Chronic pain can bring on depression so I really think it would be a good idea for her to open up to a professional about what she's feeling.  Even if that discussion begins initially with her current Dr. for her pain issues, it is a start.  Sometimes we chronic pain sufferers need extra reassurance that the people we love understand what we're going through.  She may not be ready to fully open up about everything yet (her feelings) and that's okay, I would think with more talking and some more time, she'll come around.  All you can do now is love her and continue to support her as you've been doing.

And please, keep an eye on how much medication she's taking - I don't know her history as far as how long she's been on these meds, and I don't know a lot about katamin - but I do know a LOT about opiates (the oxycodone), and they can quickly get out of control if not monitored properly.  The problem with these narcotics is you build a tolerance over time and eventually your current presribed dose is no longer effective and you need more and more to get the same effect until eventually, the pain is no longer being treated and you're just taking those meds to keep from going through withdrawal or to just feel "normal" - so it's important you keep track of what she's taking.

And I have to say this again - she's very lucky to have such a wonderful husband.  :)  And hang around for a while on the website as I'm sure others can provide their thoughts on what you're going through as well.  It tends to get pretty quiet around here on the weekends so keep checking in as the weekend passes.  This place is wonderful for support.

[cedric43]

Thanks for the reply, the strongest med i think she takes is Katamin by nasal. she also takes Oxycodine and some other pain killers. I have talked to her regarding counseling and she thinks nothing is wrong. i have talked with her about depression and she says if  i hurt like her and couldnt do anything without pain would i be depressed? she says she doesnt have trust issues but i personally see in her actions there are. Yes i do and have loved her for many years and will not ever leave her no matter how bad and how long it is.

[ImDONENoMore]

Oh yes, I should have asked - what kind of meds is she taking?  Drugs can play a HUGE role as far as isolating yourself, so I think we need to know more about that too.  :)

[ImDONENoMore]

Oh my I think your wife is SO lucky to have you - the fact that you came here looking for answers says a lot about how you feel about her.  :)

And it sounds like maybe she's depressed?  I'm no Dr. but it does seem like something is bothering her to the point of shutting out her loved ones and only finding solace in those games.  Now I do get her love for her dog as I am a huge dog lover, but I love my husband equally (I'll probably get some flack for using the term "equally" but both my husband and I see our dog as our child so I'm not giong to defend that).

Maybe she needs counseling?  Have you talked to her about this and if so, what does she say?  Has she had trust issues in the past that may be affecting her behavior now?  I think with more info on your situation we can help a little more.  :)