Acceptance

[Eyesnlegs]

Hi All,

I have been thinking about acceptance a lot recently and especially since I now have an opportunity to own a scooter that is light weight and would be there to save my energy (or when I haven’t got the energy) for the walk to the ladies, back to the car or other routine journeys at work. It could also be for personal use too.

My reaction to this offer was “absolutely no way” (or words to that effect and unrepeatable here). The retort was that is the usual way that MSer’s react but after a time you begin to see the sense in saving energy for the things you want to do instead of using it on things which are mundane.  I still kept seeing this as a giving in and not fighting this thing.

My question is not about the scooter but about acceptance of a new state of affairs and grief for what you once were. Does anyone want to offer me any advice?  as this has been filling my mind since I received a copy of the neuropsychologist report which said ‘this lady is sad most of the time’.

Any offers?

Pat

[Eyesnlegs]

Wise words Michelle and Pastor Dan, it does feel like a form of grief. At the moment all I see are the things I can't do rather than the things I can. I do hope it will make me better in the long term and not bitter since at the moment it feels like the latter. Everything I do seems to remind me of what I was and what I am now.

I used to enjoy so many things and they all required me to balance, see and walk, most of those things are now compromised and although I can still do some of them, these require careful planning beforehand.

WAF - the scooter is being bought by am organization called Access 2 Work, my company pays some and the government pay the rest. It is there as they figure it is cheaper to keep me at work than replace me and my experience.

I have read the book Women Living with MS our dear Jane (Jed9999) is one of the contributors to that book. It is inspiring and I must get it out again. I have not read the other one though and will take a look.

I read so much about MS and many of the stories are inspiring, I guess we just have to find our own way through all of this. The unpredictability is probably one of the most difficult aspects to come to terms with.

Of one thing I am sure though that this illness has made me see others and the world in a very different way and often for better.

Bless you all.
Pat
x

[MsWobbles]

Pat,

Since you're in England, the insurance issues could be totally different than they are in the USA.  Just check out the rules and restrictions first before you let whoever is paying for the scooter (whether government or insurance) buy you one.  It is possible that in your country, they will pay for more than one chair.  If so, forget paying out of pocket.  And, of course, you may never ever require anything beyond a scooter!

Also, you can get used books cheap on Amazon.com.  

Hugs,

WAF

[MsWobbles]

Pat,

I'm pressed for time now, but will say that it seems very natural to mourn what we have lost.  You're entitled!   Still, one way to possibly feel better is to list what you value that you can still do.  Make a list of those things you can do that are important to you.  Most MSers aren't blind, can still move their limbs, can still savor the taste of food, can still talk, do not have their lives significantly shortened, etc. unlike many unfortunate people with other medical conditions. But still, we do have significant losses and it is quite alright to regret them and to keep the hope that one day we will find the way to get back to normal.  But in the meantime, lets focus on what we can do to maximize the abilities and the energy we have left.  

I suggest reading two books written by Judith Lynn Nichols:  Women Living with Multiple Sclerosis (the first book) and then "Living Beyond Multiple Sclerosis."  They consist of dialogues between MSers about all different MS experiences.  I found those books comforting. Another book I liked was "MS and Your Feelings" by Allison Shadday who has MS. I think it's important to have reading material like the above on hand whenever you need to just kick back and be comforted whenever.

I tried a scooter the other day and loved it!  I had fun zipping around the store. On a scooter we can do MORE than other people.  We can go faster for longer than they can!!  I loved it!  Keep in mind, insurance companies may only pay for one such vehicle - i.e. it may be better to pay out of pocket for a relatively inexpensive scooter if it is felt that in the future a more expensive heavier-duty power chair may be required.

Feel better!

Hugs,

WAF

[PastorDan]

Michelle, you are absolutely right about the WHY questions and our (hopefully) eventual acceptance of things being very similar to the stages of grief.  In fact, we DO grieve the loss of our former abilities, our former independence (real, imagined; usually a little of each), and the more positive self image we each carried before we were afflicted with whatever it is that we have today.

In my experience, the adversities through which we each go in life have a profound effect on our character, and our character has a profound impact on the way we handle adversities.

We are like uncut gemstones, rough around the edges, and not particularly attractive to anyone except the most perceptive, any who can see what we could become in the right hands.  God uses life's trials to shape us, knocking off our most obtuse corners, and grinding the roughness off of all the others, before sanding and buffing every surface, to bring out the natural beauty and enhance our lustre.  Only He knows fully what we can become, but we should each remember that He isn't finished with us yet.

Accept this: that you have a purpose not yet fully accomplished.  The struggles through which you presently journey can make you bitter, or better.

[michelleric]

I too am struggling with acceptance these days.

I am "trying" to figure out the reasons of WHY many things have happened to us this year, and really need to stop that. Doesn't do any good. I am trying to focus on all the good I have in my life, but I have to tell you, for me it isn't  too easy most times.

It is a bit like the stages of grief, by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. Acceptance is the last one, and I hope and pray we will all reach it.

Hugs to you,

Michelle

[Eyesnlegs]

Everyone  here is inspiring, the support I have received since joining this forum has been empowering.  I know that this 'thing' makes us feel like we are riding a roller coaster every day. Since finding this forum you have all sustained me through to finding a dx and beyind and you are all beautiful.

I do understand that there are people much worse off than me and we do need to reach out and feel each others happiness and pain.

I know I will end up riding the scooter as walking is such a painful and difficult process but at least I can manage some walking which is more than others can do.

My family are supportive although my youngest son is very 'difficult' at the moment and I am trying to help him, but  as my fourth child I should be used to it. Udkas I also have wonderful moments with family too and they are precious, thank you for sharing I can feel your happiness.

Over my 20 year history with this I have been through some very black times and we are becoming aware that depression is one of my sx, I am more than a little afraid that this sadness is leading me there again as it has happened before and I really don't want to go back there again. Although in the past I have tried to hide my (sometimes suicidal) depression from my doctors as my old GPs labelled me as neurotic, maybe now that I am dx I can get help with it.  

I am also concerned this maybe the start of another relapse since this is how my major relapse a year ago started and there are other sx happening to. Including a lot of head anf face pain which I am finding difficult to deal with.

Anyway enough of my moaning I have been inpiired by all of you and can see now that this rollercoaster just doesn't have an end so I am glad you are all on here with me.

It is right that you can feel all of the emotions through this screen.

Be well everone and thank you all once more.

Pat x