Company right after delivery..

[LauraB78]

Hi ladies..

I am having yet another meltdown..

I will make this as ahort as I can...

My Mom is partially disabled. She lives in FL and I live in MA.. Last week she fell and broke her foot and is in a "boot" of some sort. She told me she wants to come early January and stay until end of January/beginning of February to be here when Jaxson arrives. I told her that was too long of a visit (and she cant help on crutches.), and I wasn't sure I wanted immediate company and we left it at  that.I told her Ken and I had talked a lot about it and he told his family we will call when we are up to company and that we wanted some time to adjust as a new family alone..

I just found out last night she has booked airfare arriving in MA January 7.. I am sooo friggen p!ssed. This is my first child ( I am 30 years old) and I told her I wasn't sure I wanted anyone around and that we were considering have no company for at least a week.. She has booked this as a "surprise" but my niece told me b.c she knew I would be upset. My Mom has been unemployed/disabled for over a year so I know she saved and scrimped to make this trip even possible but I dont want her around for a friggen month! And I didnt want her (or anyone) else around for a week or two..

Ken is also upset b.c he doesnt deal well w. company anyway and thinks it is rude that my Mother is meddlesome. I dont know what to do.. I am freaking out and totally emotional. I tried to be nice about it b/c I obviously love my Mother very much and didn;t want to hurt her feelings, but she is SUPER controlling, and I dont know how to un-do this.. She cant change her flight b.c she cant afford too and I really feel strongly about having some space and just having Ken and I there for the birth, etc.. I am beside myself upset right now..

Any advice?

[jdamico]

i  get what u are saying  and when i  had  my frist  i  was against  having my mother help me at  all.  My mother is the same  way  pushy and controlling but i have to  admitt  when i though  it woud bother me  it ended up being the thing that  saving me having her there when i  brought my  daughter home  cause  i am telling u with me i  read all the books and such but man that all went out the  window when  they told me i was taking her home  and that was that i was  like i has  no idea what to do with this little person .  as  I figured   ur mother is one person u  know has been through this  an d managed not to  go  crazy  ( cause those moments will  come)   i agree having her here before had sounds like  it might be  a little much in the way  but maybe the help after the baby is born will be  worth .  try talking to ur mom and  letting her  know what u are thinking and how it is making u feel .
as for the  private  delivery that i  agree on to  ia m only  having two  people in the room with me  one is the  Dh and  the other is  BFF  who has been through this with me  with muy other to she  is there this  time not so smuch for me  but t o support the  hubby  cause  this is  frist  time  going through all of this.

again talk to ur mom  let her know what uare thinking hopefully she  will understand and maybe  respect ur wishes  when i t comes to  wanting the  privacy.
Good luck with setting the  schedule or trying just remember to  be flexible with a new born like i think others have  posted  for me that why u wont get  broken  hearted if it doesnt work right away  remember babies have a mind of their own
good  luck with talking ot mom

[johannaviles]

You know as mean as it may sound i also HATE company after giving birth, It must be something about my hormones, because I just want my husband  to be around...
Everything everyone else does (even to try to help me ) drives me nuts and makes me mad.  It happened with my daughter and with my son: I JUST WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE :|, my mom "felt" it and just stayed away untill I felt ready.
My point is: i completely understand what you feel and eventhought your mom would feel bad, I think being tackfully (sp?) honest now would be much better than feeling miserable and wanting to kill her once she is there...I dont know, maybe you can offer her move the flight, or make her stay shorter...

Best of luck...

[LauraB78]

K.. I will keep you posted! =)

I hope they work for us too!

[GRose]

Well, that's AWESOME if you can get it to work. Let me know and maybe I will get those books before #2 comes!

[LauraB78]

No offense taken AT ALL!!  I agree to an extent and since this is my first, I may be totally naive w/ thinking that scheduling is even possible.. But we want to try..

The idea behind it is that Ken and I found 2 books that we are choosing to follow that have a schedule that we want to try,, I am NOT saying it will be successful, we are just really hoping so! =)

And my Mom is totally controlling and will not comply is more my concern than if the actual schedule doesnt pan out.,

We are following the " The contented little baby book" by Gina Ford, and "Baby Wise".. Not sure who the author is on that one, I am having a brain fart!! I have 2 really close friends who followed these books.. One recommended each book, and all of their children slept through the night by 8 weeks (at the latest) And when I say through the night, I mean 11pm - 5 am.. So.. we shall see..

Thanks for all the input. I emailed my Mom and have yet to hear back from her.. I hate confrontation,and am nervous, but really feel strongly about standing my ground on this one.,.

[GRose]

I just wanted to tell you that the reason most people don't have a set schedule with a newborn isn't because it is too challenging it is because it is dam-n near impossible. You cant force a baby to sleep or be awake when it doesn't want to and you can't make it wait too eat either, babies will eat and sleep when they want. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with trying but I am saying not to have too high of hopes in succeeding in your schedule.
Sorry if that sounded harsh but my hormones are going crazy and I can't keep myself from saying what I think at this point in my pregnancy.