Aa
in need of some SERIOUS ADVICE. please!
So I am 21 years old and have been with the father of my kids for about a lil more then 3 years until last fall. I have been through a lot with him personally and now Im fed up with having to deal with him period. He has not been a father figure to my first born and I doubt he will be a father figure to my second. Due to the fact that he rather party, get drunk and do drugs. Oh an did i tell you, he is in a relationship with a girl that has 2 kids but he doesnt help me with his own. Never shows up at one doctors appointment not even when my son was in the er 3x. Left his first birthday party early. Therefore, He is not here for my babies physically, mentally, or finacially. Unless im asking. Smh. On the other hand I never stopped him from seeing our son when he does show up. But my babies deserve better. Instead of someone popping in and out as he pleases. My son is about to be 2 years old and my other on the way.
So here is where Im stuck. Child support or full custody?
So here is where Im stuck. Child support or full custody?
I live in tx and through child support if you file for it, automatically gives him visitation and/or days for him to have the baby since he is "playing his part" paying some lowsy chump change. UNLESS you talk to the judge about him being an unfit parent, which he would have to have a dirty ua, a previous record things like that because unfortunately a judge isnt going to just hear you out. It will be a he said she said debate. Or if he just doesnt show up to a child support court, you should be eligable to get full custody and child support. But again like I said I think its pointless to MAKE a guy be a "dad" with just $$$ if he doesnt care for his own seed enough to do it himself, he has to have the law make him do it hes just more of a dead beat. I protected my son with full custody and said to hell with this $$$ yea it would help any of us moms but my morals would never let me go there with him wether I need it or not. I stand my ground as a momto show him I dont need his help and if I can do it without why he couldnt do it with me...for his child. It happens though. You do what's best for u ma (= theres no wrong or right way to do it, just think about it before you go in full force
Im from new york and the laws here is whether you work or not you still need to pay child support if the other parent claims for it. I'd say do both ! Get full custody let the court give him visitations so he doesn't say your taking the kids away from him and you tell them whether he goes visit or not. Child support will help you in the future because if he decided to change his mind and be a dad he can put you on child support and no mother would want that especially if she's being a great mother. Stay strong hunn ! Let him take care of someone else's children you will find someone that will treat your kids as if they were his. Trust in god he has plans for you.
Idk where you're from but whether the dad has a job or not he's still required to pay!
I don't know where she is from ^^^>but where I live things are way different. I think it just depends on your court system and laws
Right now, my fiance is in a custody battle. I know guys can lie but the way he treats me and talks about the baby... the way he talks about his son, shows he is more than willing to be a father. I swear I think she just wanted a s.perm Donre because her other child grew out of the cuddling age... sorry, I was just saying this is why I know about it... she is hoping that is she doesn't apply for CS then he will have no rights at all, which isn't the case all he needs to do is file a claim. Which takes forever and is pricey... hes only looking at getting weekends maybe, because he is the dad. So you really will not have to bother with him much. Its about being prepared in case he changes his mind.
Actually since you guys were not married when you had your child, he doesn't have any rights, you can simply choose not to let him see the child. However, if his name is on the birth certificate then he has already made it know to the state that he has claimed the child as his own, which makes a custody battle less complicated because DNA tests dont need to be done. I say file for child support because who knows one day he might decide to be a a.s.s. and file it on you. Its all about who files first. You already have full custody, it would be him fighting for rights. You have a very good reason to set up visitation(that helps with the bouncing in and out), drinking and drugs mainly drugs though. You doing this will show the court you did try to do things fair. Honestly it sounds like he wants an out anyway give it to him.
Full custody and child support. You didn't make those babies alone and you damn sure shouldn't have to support them alone. That money can help you get things you need for your babies and that's important. Whether he likes it or not he has a legal obligation to your children.
Thanks ladies. I really appreciate all of ur advice. I really do want full custody instead of child support.
Full custody definitely, i know you want him to be apart of your sons life..but it seems me he has no part. To hell with him
^^^^ All single mamas should be like that girl!!! I respect a woman who doesn't automatically go for child support just because he is the dad!
Go with full custody. Me personally wouldn't ask a "man" to participate in a dads activity even if its money to provide for my kid. If he cant do it on his own why force feed it. Thats me as a single mother with my first I let his dad do him, didnt ask for **** just played my role. He has NO custody & has to pay NO child support. Yea, it might of been an easy way out for him but I would never go to his bunk level and ask for a penny. Thank God the guy im with now is nothing like that but at the end of the day you can only play your part as mommy n daddy...if hes going to get it your way of taking care of your children cut his butt loose.
Well you can't make him do that and neither will a court. But you can protect your kids by taking him to court. And until a court makes a judgment you can choose to not let him around the children if you are worried. But definitely sounds like you need custody of your children more than you are worried about child support but go for both
He's not the father figure I'd thought he'd be to my son. & I can't keep putting myself or my kids through this. Im a proud single mom and I just wish he'd sign over his rights.
But he doesn't come around anyway. He leaves, lives his own life then pops up at least 3x and is gone again. I just don't know what to. I've been doing This by myself. I wish he would be here and I never denied the times he did pop up. Im just sick of it.
As a mother of the child you do not have a right to deny custody (to the person who stated that). A court has to find him to be an unfit parent you can't just make that decision. Also if he does have to pay that does not mean he can automatically get visitation or custody rights.
thats so sad sorry your son has to go threw that im not sure how it works over there im in Phoenix Arizona and when my daughters dad dident want to help me out with anything i had no choice but to apply for food stamps and chash assistants i dident want to but i had no choice my job was not paying enough anyway he didn't want me doing that so we went to court and did are custody thing and i aggred to shared custody cuz i dident want to keep my daughter from her dad due to that fact that i never had mine growing up long story short he only has to pay me 34 dollars a week for childsupport and it really ***** because i cant even get what she really needs with that but you should do something anything is better then nothing and if he dont want to be in there life dont mean he can get away without helping you support them after all it takes 2 to make a baby good luck to you and your babys and rember there are better men out there he basically threw u guys away like trash so know a mans trash is another mans treasure stay up girl
OK but if I put him on child support as a father he still has rights to see our babies. But I really don't want him too. He's always in an out of my babies lives and that's not healthy for my kids at all.
Do both I did.. I got full custody and child support.. its a long process but its worth it.. a man should be willing to take care of his child/childern without the law telling him he has to
File for child support, you didn't make those babies alone. But if he tries and fight for costody u have every right as the child's mother to deny him. Especially if he is seen as an unfit father.
Is it possible to do both? Im not sure how custody battles go. I don't even know if I'll win or not. Im just worried about my babies.
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