:( Hmm.

[Tasyi]

So I'm 25 weeks, my fiancé still does not have a job, pushes me around, cusses & yells at me, smokes allllll the time, PLUS had his "best friend" & his gf move in.. & he's always with them & does stupid ****, His best friends girlfriend sits there & smokes with **** too. He always tells me he'll quit doing this & quit doing that, but doesnt. I'm so tired of this.. I feel taken advantage of. Plus his best friend is really abusive to his gf too, totally insecure, doesnt let her leave, or anything. I'm just fed up.. & I'm not sure what I can do about it.. Im only 16 & my fiance is 18, we are getting married before the baby & I'm scared that once we tie the knot that he'll become worse.. How do I deal with this nonsense? Please no bashing!

[0318_0214]

Tasyi, I live in Toppenish WA what youre going through is not your culture. There is help out there, feel free to message me. Since you feel this way.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi also, youve got it figured out with your statement that its all nonsense. How do you deal with it? You dont!!!! If your living in the middle of a mad house and need money from those involved then youll have to compromise for now.  If your soon to be husband is your best friend and you can convince him to grow up then keep pushing forward with strong female values and drives. If he will become violent and considers you his toy then make a secret plan to get your self out of this and away from all this nonsense.
If its your house, keep them all out and rent out the rooms to some nice people.
Its your life so make a plan for your future.

[specialmom]

Oh, and I do agree that it is hard for me to understand the true situation with whatever the cultural issues are.  I hadn't read all the posts to see that this plays a role.  I would find someone that you can trust where you are that may understand what you are going through as related to your culture and see if they can help you.  

But I do feel badly that a girl of your age is having to deal with this.  peace

[specialmom]

This is such a sad situation for a 16 year old girl.  So young to be having a baby with an already abusive 18 year old.  I really can only say get out if you can.  good luck

[Londres70]

I wish you all the best, but I really don't think no one will be able to help you here because of all these cultural differences you have.  If one doesn't understand or know your culture then it won't be easy or it will be impossible to give you good, sound advice.  Unless someone lives in this same culture or had true insight about your culture I can't see you getting much help here unfortunately.  

Sounds like you only have two options:  marry this guy and deal with his nonsense OR not marry him and face the consequences according to the customs/laws of this reservation.  

All the best.

[specialmom]

Glad he is your fiancé and not husband.  That makes it much easier for you to be self protective and leave.  Then I would suggest a therapist for yourself because the fact that you are having difficulty and are resistant to taking care of yourself and judging this situation and acting on what you basically know---  this guy is NOT a good partner is a red flag that you have some faulty thinking when it comes to relationships.  You need to address that so that you do not repeat this bad pattern.  good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

I've read Your other posts.  January 31, 2014 You said You want to leave because of His smoking weed
"but that You live at HIS house"  - Your words, not mine.  

Here twice You say it's Your house.
You began this post saying He pushes You around and then an hour later You said He doesn't push You around any more.
You say the police don't help You but if You left the police would not force You to return to be "tortured".

Everyone has tried to be helpful but it seems You have an excuse why You can't take any piece of advice given You.

This causes me to question many of Your statements - but none the less,

I repeat
You and all others will be modeling these behaviors to Your Child.  Percentage is good, very, very good that She will tolerate abuse or BE the abuser.  The best thing You can do is take Your baby out of that environment.  If they "torture" young people in the smoke house??!!  another good reason to remove Your Baby from the premises.

[Nighthawk61]

Do you mind me asking, is there a way to get birth control at your age?

[Tasyi]

Thankyou guys.

[abbb01]

I would say that there must be laws there but I know laws are flawed and its sadly ify if police will do the right thing or not I would ask if u own ur house if u could quietly sell it or scrape together as much money as u can and when u have enough move to a different state to start over. Honestly it doesn't sound like u have anything to keep u there except ur consenting to marriage out of fear of further abuse

[ftmlove]

My bfs family live in Yakima. Me in Spokane. I'm native and I have lots of Canadian natives as friends. And Yakima is already a ****** place to live havnt been to that rez but from other rezs I've been to no matter what treat children that way, I know a lot of men are abusivr and lazy and thoughtless but there are resourses so use them! Get outta there its Yakima just go to dshs and find out what to do or a.  women's help center. Get out of that corrupted tribe

[Chima7]

Wow, you've really opened my eyes to some things about a native American culture that I didn't know before. I always thought, in general, they were really wise and mother earth nature loving folks who looked to their ancestors for guidance and knowledge for how to live their lives. But this picture you've painted of how your people behave in situations like these is very negative, violent, and not at all what I imagined. I'm actually pretty shocked and kind of disappointed.

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this position. You're 16? Do you know what I was doing at 16? I had just got my license and I was driving around enjoying my friends and having fun. It was pretty awesome because at that age I had very few responsibilities. I got my first job at a pizza place but it was like 12 hours a week, no big deal. It was great. I look back at that time of my life with a good feeling. Life was good back then. But for you? Not so much.

Here's the bottom line. Your child is going to grow up in a house with parents who fight all the time. The cycle of abuse will continue and your child will grow up thinking that's normal and he or she will continue perpetuating that in all of their relationships. It's not too late since they're not born yet. You still have time to change the course of your child's life to a positive direction. It sounds like your family is no help because of their barbaric customs but for the sake of your child's future, you have to find some way to get yourself away from all of this toxic abuse and negativity. There must be someplace safe you can go where you can raise your child in a positive and loving environment. Someone in your life loves you enough to help you get to safety before it's too late. I think it's imperative for you to confide in that person and make your escape before the baby is born. You said your dad killed your first baby, what's to stop him or one of your other crazy tribe members from doing it again? There's apparently no law against it among them abusing their own people. It's not a healthy environment for you or for your baby. I hope that you will find someone to help you. I really really do because you're really in the worst possible situation for your position.

[Tasyi]

They are beliefs.. They do this stuff allllll the time.

[Mrs_JP]

My tribe is also based on the northwest. I've NEVER heard those beliefs.

[Tasyi]

Its not so much called being tortured but they do starve you, bite you, laugh at you, & club you, & you will be punished for talking while in there. They call it more of cleansing then torturing. But in my eyes its torture cause I've been in the smoke house before when I was 13.

[Tasyi]

I never said it was his house. It is my house..

I'm Yakama & coastal from lummi tribe. In the northwest.. They do, do that. No cops have interfered before because everyone around here is Either Yakama or lummi.

[Mrs_JP]

I've never heard of being tortured for getting pregnant before marriage belief through ANY tribe. I've heard of the not being able to look at dead bodies because my tribe also follows that belief. if that kind of stuff is going on on the rez then yes law enforcement can get involved.

[TTinKKerBBell]

You said in an earlier post that You live in HIS house.  This time You are saying it's YOUR house.

I stand by my statement of a few minutes ago

[Tasyi]

Yes it is.

[Mrs_JP]

So then your culture is native american I'm assuming?

[Tasyi]

I live in Yakama Washington but in whiteswan. Its a smaller town. We go to a long house & girls my age do get married & what not.. Some do not follow rules but I do. Because of the consequences. But you are suppose to get married if pregnant or get married before pregnant.. Not allowed to have different fathers of children, some ppl get taken to a smoke house for being bad (or having something bad with them) & when you get there you get bitten up & down your ribs & clubbed on the head, & laughed at. Sometimes starved, & you have to cook, clean, take care of elders, & can not talk no matter the situation. & other stuff also. Idk its crazy. When you get taken you get taken from atleast 3 months to a year. &, the law has no right to interfere. Believe me sounds stupid but they can't stop what happens. Nobody dies but some stuff does happen. My aunt had to go there because she did not marry when she was pregnant & her baby had passed away inside of her from her "wrong" rubbing on the baby. She was taken after. We are not allowed to be bare foot, cant be around ppl who do not like you cause bad thoughts can kill or hurt baby, can't cut hair shortens baby's life, can not look at dead things, can't cut nails, & have to wear buckskin on belly for protection.. Sorry so long but alot of rules  

[TTinKKerBBell]

You came here asking for advice but You have rejected every word of advice given You here
SO
I will not give advice because You aren't open to any, but I will say:

You and He will be modeling these behaviors to Your Child.  Children learn what They live......and the beat goes on

[proudFTMTeTe]

Were do u stay n what's your religion if u don't mind me asking so I can understand why u have to stay if we understood your religion then we could give u different advice maybe

[Tasyi]

I live in Yakama, Washington in white swan. Its a reservation.. If you could come here or something & get to know the culture or something maybe a different point of view could come out..