At a Loss

[quickkaren]

Hello,

I am at a loss.  I just moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years.  I don't know whether to move out (I live with my 15 year old daughter too, and we can't afford this new house by ourselves) or stay and try to make it work.  He is 47 - I am 44.  

We have lived in this new house for 5 months.  When we moved in together, he quit his job of 15 years to try this new business venture, which flopped.  He has now been out of work for 6 weeks, and has one potential job offer, but isn't actively looking and won't go back to his old job out of pride.  He says he doesn't know who he is anymore, and is really upset and feels like a failure.  

I am starting to panic because he is running out of money.  I also don't think he has been making very good decisions. He has started increasing his drinking and already has two prior drunk drivings.  One night he came home after drinking.  Another night he didn't come home at all, and all I got was a text at 3:15 a.m. saying he was too drunk to drive home.  I was so mad I couldn't sleep.  I feel like he doesn't care about me because he isn't being responsible or considerate.  Now he left to go away for 5 days to a blues festival with his drinking buddies.  I am really mad again.  

Should I stay with him?

Thanks for any help.

[AnnieBrooke]

Hey, you never know at the outset.  Just try not to do any more of this partner thing while your daughter is in her most formative years (of what to tolerate in men) and you will be doing her such a great favor for her future life.  Thanks for your gracious response to my bluntness.

[quickkaren]

Thank you so much Annie.  I already told her how sorry I am.  I seem to pick out wrong partners for me.  : )

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd find an apartment today.  Your first duty is not to some guy but to your daughter, and you are modeling a bunch of bad things whether you mean to or not:  it's OK to live with a drinking loser without being married as long as he pays the bills, your daughter doesn't mean as much to you as your sex life, etc.  I'd say to her that you're sorry, you thought the new house was worth it and at the time the relationship was good, but the new house is not worth it and the relationship is bad, and you're calling the game.