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Cheating Wife please help
I am out of the country since 2 months now. I am hearing rumors about my wife having an affair and sexual relationship with my cousin. I am terrified by this news. We have been married for 2 years now and dont have a kid yet.
I am going back to my country after 2-3 weeks.
I just wanted to know is there any way where in i can do a medical test to determine whether my wife had sex in the last 2 months or not??
Please reply as this is bothering me alot and i cant concentrate on work as well.
I am going back to my country after 2-3 weeks.
I just wanted to know is there any way where in i can do a medical test to determine whether my wife had sex in the last 2 months or not??
Please reply as this is bothering me alot and i cant concentrate on work as well.
Don't see anything wrong with giving her a hug after this dramatic confrontation, however, I do have a concern you all getting through this without counseling. Your wife definitely NEEDS to know the reason WHY she did this so that she will NOT repeat this. You can't just blame your cousin for this as your wife is to blame as well and must take responsibility for this.
"Someone to take care of her?" What is that all about? Is there something mentally or developmental wrong with her? She is a grown woman not a kid.
Are you sending for her to come to Australia because you don't trust her; to watch her? What is the reason behind that decision?
You are in NO way obligated to stay with her JUST because she can't take care of herself. Don't let that be the ONLY reason you stay.
Don't see anything wrong with giving her a second chance as long as she understands and knows the reason or reasons why she did what she did and is DEFINITELY sure she will not repeat this. In regards to you, hopefully your trust will rebuild; of course that will take time.
Dealing with this without therapy......hmmm.......I have my doubts you will be successful.
"Someone to take care of her?" What is that all about? Is there something mentally or developmental wrong with her? She is a grown woman not a kid.
Are you sending for her to come to Australia because you don't trust her; to watch her? What is the reason behind that decision?
You are in NO way obligated to stay with her JUST because she can't take care of herself. Don't let that be the ONLY reason you stay.
Don't see anything wrong with giving her a second chance as long as she understands and knows the reason or reasons why she did what she did and is DEFINITELY sure she will not repeat this. In regards to you, hopefully your trust will rebuild; of course that will take time.
Dealing with this without therapy......hmmm.......I have my doubts you will be successful.
Oh, and about your cousin. You can choose to either forgive him or not, but do not let that ruin your life either. The only way you move on is to forgive.... forget? Never....
I think hugging her was okay because you do love her. But... the love has to go both ways. She cannot have her cake and eat it too. You get to decide what happens here to some extent. You can stay or you can go.... keep in mind, so can she.
This really is a difficult situation. I put my wife in the same situation as you are in. My wife made a decision to give me a second chance. I do love my wife more than anything, so I seized the moment and will not look back. I work on making me a better person for her, and I also am there to support her through the tough times regarding the recovery process.
Infidelity is a hard thing to over come. Trust has been destroyed, and that is big. How does one gain it back? Time probably, and a lot of work. Your wife will need to do everything necessary... therapy/counseling, complete disclosure of the entire situation, she needs to be completely transparent.... everything she does and says for a good long time needs to be transparent and out in the open. She needs to put your needs first instead of hers, and you have to be willing to let her do that.
You also need a bit of time and space for yourself, but only you can determine how much, when and where it is all applicable. If she is on board with all of that, then you have a chance.
Remember this though... you do not owe her anything. Do not feel as if you have to stay because she has nowhere to go. That would be the biggest mistake you could make. She is a big girl, and this whole thing might make her a little less dependent at least in your eyes.
The work is all hers... you'll have some too and forgiving is a tough lesson to learn. You can move on with or without her, but do not let her being "helpless" hand cuff your future. That is no way to live.
This really is a difficult situation. I put my wife in the same situation as you are in. My wife made a decision to give me a second chance. I do love my wife more than anything, so I seized the moment and will not look back. I work on making me a better person for her, and I also am there to support her through the tough times regarding the recovery process.
Infidelity is a hard thing to over come. Trust has been destroyed, and that is big. How does one gain it back? Time probably, and a lot of work. Your wife will need to do everything necessary... therapy/counseling, complete disclosure of the entire situation, she needs to be completely transparent.... everything she does and says for a good long time needs to be transparent and out in the open. She needs to put your needs first instead of hers, and you have to be willing to let her do that.
You also need a bit of time and space for yourself, but only you can determine how much, when and where it is all applicable. If she is on board with all of that, then you have a chance.
Remember this though... you do not owe her anything. Do not feel as if you have to stay because she has nowhere to go. That would be the biggest mistake you could make. She is a big girl, and this whole thing might make her a little less dependent at least in your eyes.
The work is all hers... you'll have some too and forgiving is a tough lesson to learn. You can move on with or without her, but do not let her being "helpless" hand cuff your future. That is no way to live.
Thanks a ton for the advise..But I just cant get this out of my mind..She is crying like a baby..She was short of breath and looked as if she will die..So i had to be little calm and didnt torture her more..I hugged her as well which i should not have done..But i cant see her in Pain either because i have really loved her a lot..As far as Counseling is concerned, I dont think i should be going that far as i need to leave to Australia in few days for work purpose. And i will get her there in a week's time after i reach..But the Question is Am i doing the right thing? Am i being too emotional considering the fact she doesnt have anyone to take care of her if i leave her..Too many questions and i cant find an answer. I feel like calling my cousin home abusing and slapping him and warn him to stay away and never show his face in the entire life and give my wife one last chance..what do u suggest?? I know i am the best Judge but suggests always gives a positive feedback..Please help..As this matter is very serious.
Wow, what a horrible story. I agree with Londres. Don't drag the whole family into this and make this solution completely yours and out of the hands of complete strangers on the internet.
The ball is in your court and you have plenty of time. People can and do recover from this, but it takes a lot of love, a lot of forgiveness, and a hell of a lot of work. You'll also have to learn to trust her again. This too is recoverable, but it also takes a lot of work.
Counseling is a great idea and should be looked into immediately. Again, the ball is in your court. Time is on your side, so take all you need to make a decision you can live with.
The ball is in your court and you have plenty of time. People can and do recover from this, but it takes a lot of love, a lot of forgiveness, and a hell of a lot of work. You'll also have to learn to trust her again. This too is recoverable, but it also takes a lot of work.
Counseling is a great idea and should be looked into immediately. Again, the ball is in your court. Time is on your side, so take all you need to make a decision you can live with.
Good you confronted her for the truth; so sorry about the truth though. I can sense your pain and humiliation.
For starts, I don't think you two should be drawing the ENTIRE family into this.
Is it possible you all could separate for a while and figure things out away from each other, then come together and seriously talk about what you all will do with the marriage? Sounds like it is definitely too heated at this point for anyone to be talking rational in my opinion. This should be THOROUGHLY thought out.
To divorce her or not........you shouldn't be leaving that decision up to strangers on the internet. The decision or solution SHOULD definitely come from you AFTER long thought and consideration. We can try to advise you over this situation, however, we sure CAN'T be making the final decision. I would HIGHLY recommend a marriage counselor be involved PRIOR to reaching your final decision.
For starts, I don't think you two should be drawing the ENTIRE family into this.
Is it possible you all could separate for a while and figure things out away from each other, then come together and seriously talk about what you all will do with the marriage? Sounds like it is definitely too heated at this point for anyone to be talking rational in my opinion. This should be THOROUGHLY thought out.
To divorce her or not........you shouldn't be leaving that decision up to strangers on the internet. The decision or solution SHOULD definitely come from you AFTER long thought and consideration. We can try to advise you over this situation, however, we sure CAN'T be making the final decision. I would HIGHLY recommend a marriage counselor be involved PRIOR to reaching your final decision.
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