how to move on

[hammers20]

hello
well i spilt up with my ex 8 month ago and im still not over her every girl i meet i compare her to my ex and she was the best thing ever and i just wanted to no how u get over some1 is there any advice u could give me plz im so low and depressed every day and nuffink helps

[Jennifer1987]

I was with my ex for 2 and a half years! The worst of my life might I add..... It takes time, Im still very much heartbroken.. Miss him every day but I think Im better off with out him...

Iv been told, "Whats meant for you wont pass you by"... Maybe thats true for ye aswel?? Maybe ye will find eachother again in few years when ye are ready to settle down! If she doesnt want to be with you, then your better off knowing, however hard it is.. I know how hard it is to accept... but the sad thing is you have too.... Its all apart of "living"... wish it wasn't but it is... Im sure in time you'll find someone who you know is "the one"..

im irish so just across the water lol!

[hammers20]

yea been out every weekend just make no differents and yep i am english and thank you for both of ur help and jennifer how long was u with ur ex  

[Jennifer1987]

Hi Judy, hope your keeping well xx

[Judy246]

That is correct, Jennifer is also struggling to get back on her feet and can be a wealth of shared information and insight. You both are experiencing a painful heartbreak at the same  time, so if you have any quetions, I can assist, but Jennifer can share the after math of a broken heart.

p.s. Hi Jen!

[Jennifer1987]

Im in the same boat as u.. Split from my ex 2 and half months ago and have been tryin so hard to move on! It is hard but has to be done... Im not sure why ye ended it but in my situation it was because he cheated and treated me bad, so I had to end it really!

What Iv done to help is, joined a gaelic football team, taken up more exercise, burned all our pics together (that was just out of spite really lol) and just spend more time with friends.. Head out more and have weekend away! I see now that Im better off with out him so maybe you are too....

I think from you "writing" your English.. Am I right??

[Judy246]

It's ok to love. You are a good person who gave her your heart, but now it's time to take it back, because she is not appreciating it. ok. Take those debilitating emotions and put them in other activities, running, jogging, biking, church socials, school events if applicable, invite friends over, go for a simple walk. A simple walk (30 min) will refresh you and your mind. All this is up to you, everyone can give you all the advise in the world, but it's up to you how you handle this heartbreak.

[Judy246]

You can't just get her off you mind overnite. It's going to take time, but after 3 months, you need to start accepting that this relationship is over. You have to be realistic and accept that she no longer wants to be with you. She might care about you, but she is not "in" love with  you, so this will be step one. Accepting what is beyound you. You can't change her, but you can change yourself. If she said that people change, she is right, we are constanting changing, maturing, growing and learn from these broken relationships. As a result from this pain, you will now become much wiser to what you are looking for in a relationship. When someone changes there phone after a break up that means they do not want communication, because you will both just stay in a rut instead of accepting that it is over and learning coping skills. This painful experience is growth, maturity, wisdom and knowledge not to let anyone hurt you this way again. You are having a hard time letting go and the reality is that she let go.

There is also absolutely nothing wrong with you and if you feel that you might need  counseling or talk with a priest, so be it. The will also be able to help you sort out your feelings on this loss and how best to cope, yet be functional and productive not have her memory consume your very being.

[hammers20]

thank you just still dont no what to do with myself i tryed everythink to get her of my mind but just think bout her all the time and for y we spilt up i still dont no to this day all she said is i dont no and people change what does that mean and i havent talk to her for bout 3 month coz her phone off and there no other way to contact her i rele wan her back

[Judy246]

one more point....it is also up to you if you want your emotions to be either debilitating, which is very unhealthy and longer to move on with your life or facilitating, where although you are hurting, you are able to function, never give any g/f that much power over your emotions, which means that in a way she still has power over you, so don't do it, take charge of you, take time to heal and one day at a time.   Judy

[Judy246]

Awww...I'm sending you a great big hug!!!  I read your profile and I just wanted to tell you that you are not dead...you are very much alive, maybe hurt, but with a hugh spirit and a positive, hopeful future ahead of you.

When you lose someone that you love, it's like a death or a loss and it will be necessary to experience the stages of the grief process in order to heal. It' not easy and it's going to take time. There is no time frame since everyone handles broken relationships ver differently. There are people who say, aw, just find yourself another girl, which is fine, but if you were truly in love with her, it will not make a difference, because you very soul is hurting. My advise is to first accept your loss and what you can not change. Take some quality time just for yourself to reflect, think, grieve and it will be one step at a time. I always say, that the best thing that God made was one day after another, because there is a great big beautiful world out their waiting to help you heal and lot's of girls who will accept you and love you just as you are and for who you are. Right now, surround yourself with good friends that are sensitive to how you feel, also when there is no one else in the world, you have your family, also avoid places that are going to trigger, memories, special songs, gifts, etc. Take all her pictures, gifts, everything that will trigger a set back and put it away, until you are able to view them without falling apart. Also, make a list of the reasons why you both broke up and when you get into that awful "moment", pull out the list as a reminder why you are no longer together. There is no way around the pain of a broken heart, it will take time and patience and within time you will be on the road to healing and when you least expected it that next beautiful girl is out there some where lined up by nature to meet you. I suggest that you when your down, write to us and we are a great wealth of wisdom, kindness, compassion and advise.   Judy