Aa
Husband cheated - please help
I feel like I am living a nightmare!!!! Last week I read about a massage parlor question and if that girls husband or whatever is getting just a hand job she is lucky. I knew my husband used to go to those places but Friday night I found out he went again - yeah it was a hand job (BAD ENOUGH!!!) but we FINALLY laid all our cards out on the table. He has gotten a hand job about 24 times in the 4 years we are married - but it gets worse. When we were first married he got the whole package three times. He said that he felt that was wrong and stopped and then he took the hand package. He again stopped that for the most part but went the other night because he was stressed about losing his job. He wanted to tell me everything and start all over - infact he wants to renew our vows. He also swears to never go again and will make sure I know he does not by making me control his $$ and he'll check in at all times on the way home. Besides that we talked about why he went in the first place. (1) He really wanted a good massage and one thing led to another (NO EXCUSE)- so he asked that now only I give him a massage, (2) He felt alone as I am often busy - so he hired me a maid, joined me up for his gym and wants us to do things together - even going away to sporting events with his friends. He'll hang with them to do the sport but then we'll stay in our own hotel and have our nights and (3) the sex got boring - he asked that we talk about what we both want to spice it up. He also said that he never once kissed or did anything with a girl as he never wanted another relationship - it was only quick fun. He is not kidding himself - he knows he was 100% wrong and is blaming no one. FINALLY the question - do I give him another shot with all these changes and believe he can be good or do I leave him??? I never minded his porn and I did not like his website browsing which he stopped - but this has me feeling empty. Does it matter that it is he who told me everything - not sure.
I don't hold out a lot of hope here, unlike "freakin" (interesting screen name, though). Something about this story bothers me. Sounds like it bothers you, too.
Why would you want to do "everything" with your partner? Does this include shite you don't like doing? What I'm hearing is now the guy has some sort of weird control issue going on - all of this was his idea, right? That bothers me as well.
I think it's a set-up for failure. I guess you either have to trust the guy when he's not around, or the two of you have to come to a conclusion about what you both can do outside the relationship. If he says he's turned over a new leaf or whatever (sorry, but that sounds as lame as anything), do you believe him? And if you don't, how can you possibly stay with him?
I don't think this guy trusts HIMSELF. He is handing over control of the money, control of his time - pretty much control of everything. What's he afraid of? That he'll step out again if you DON'T have that kind of control over him? Doesn't sound good, frankly.
Do you really want a marriage like this?! It's your decision, but the "laying out of the terms" as he's presented them just sounds weird. I don't think he's "turned over" a new anything. He's probably terrified he's going to do it again. You can't control his every move. Nor would you want to. Would you?
Why would you want to do "everything" with your partner? Does this include shite you don't like doing? What I'm hearing is now the guy has some sort of weird control issue going on - all of this was his idea, right? That bothers me as well.
I think it's a set-up for failure. I guess you either have to trust the guy when he's not around, or the two of you have to come to a conclusion about what you both can do outside the relationship. If he says he's turned over a new leaf or whatever (sorry, but that sounds as lame as anything), do you believe him? And if you don't, how can you possibly stay with him?
I don't think this guy trusts HIMSELF. He is handing over control of the money, control of his time - pretty much control of everything. What's he afraid of? That he'll step out again if you DON'T have that kind of control over him? Doesn't sound good, frankly.
Do you really want a marriage like this?! It's your decision, but the "laying out of the terms" as he's presented them just sounds weird. I don't think he's "turned over" a new anything. He's probably terrified he's going to do it again. You can't control his every move. Nor would you want to. Would you?
well ok, he has opened up .. lucky you.. not all of us guys has the guts to tell it all.. he had lay down his dirty shirts, now its up to to you if you would still accpept him or not.. but it was a wonderful action he did right there. as far as i can see it, he wants a new life.. free from anything obscene.. now, since you know him more ,i cant just say go leave him or go stay, its you who can feel if he is sincere or not. .. its your life and his that's on the line. now its up to you if you would just wreck the 4 years of marriage or build it up like a new couple ready to go againtst all odds (nice song there, hehe). we are not perfect ya know... sometimes the only to see change s to give it a try...
good luck & god bless you
good luck & god bless you
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
