I cheated and hate myself for it

[jameslk]

To anyone reading,
I need help. I'm absolutely ashamed of myself. I cheated on my wife recently. I met up with a family friend who has been flirtatious in the past, and we ended up having sex. It lasted no more than 5 minutes out of me realizing what I was doing and made myself stop. I've been a wreck ever since. I can't believe what I've done. I've never done anything like this to anyone, ever. I don't know what came over me, my wife means the world to me and I can't stand the thought of seeing her in pain after I tell her what I've done.
Which is why I am leaning towards not telling her, it would destroy her and our marriage would be over.

I know what I did was beyond wrong, all I want is for things to be normal again, I can honestly say that I'll never do something like this again. I've been up every night sick to my stomach because of what I've done. Is not telling her given this instance the right thing to do? Would it be selfish to unload all this guilt on her?
The individual I cheated with is also a family friend and her reputation is at stake too. I've really screwed up here.
I'm sorry.

I've currently undergone testing for all STD's, out of paranoia and fear. I would tell her if I contracted something, I'm also checking myself in to therapy, as I've felt for a long time that something isn't right with me. Am I wrong for keeping all this from her? I know this might sound like BS to you, but all I want to do is fix things without hurting her, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. So please believe me. Please.

Any advice is welcome.
Thank you.

James

[ImportModel19]

How would you feel if she had sex with someone and then hid it from you.. the truth will ALWAYS come out, i don't care if its 10years from now she will probably eventually figure it out & it makes it seem like you didn't care because you didn't tell her. A person who TRUELY regets what they have done would tell, she will appreciate your honesty about it, of course she will be hurt from it but that is the consequence that YOU must deal with because of YOUR decision. TELL HER... DONT BE AN IDIOT!!

[younggrandmother]

You need to tell her before she find out from someone else. It is going to be heartbreaking for her, Be prepared for the worst.Tell her you made a BIG mistake, she does not need to know the horrible details right away, maybe in time, but only if she asks.Let her know that there were no emotions involved. It was purely physical and you could only think of how this was going to hurt her, so it stopped as quickly as it started . Be sensitive, you are going to have to pay extra attention to your relationship in order to reassure her that you are committed to making it up to her. Let her know that you truly love her, and you will do what ever it takes to make up for you infidelity.
It sounds like you truly love her, you have to realize you never can do this again, I know that you know that but, next time she may not be forgiving.
She must know that something is wrong with you. This is eating you up. You will not be able to go on much longer with this elephant in the room before she starts asking questions . HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY.          

[coolas]

I vote don't tell her.  Keep your mouth shut and suffer the guilt in silence - it's the least you can do given your colossal f**k-up. Telling her won't accomplish anything except temporarily relieving you of the terrible burden you bear by keeping this secret and inflicting incredible pain on your wife, so bear this burden you must.  

Other posters are right in that your marriage would never be the same and your wife could quite possibly not forgive you, let alone forget this gross transgression.  So I say take the risk and keep this secret; if she finds out by some other way, so be it - you will have at least done what you could to protect her from your moment of madness.

A-

[adr333]

TELL HER! If that ***** you slept with desides to brag about it and your wife finds out it will hurt her even more than you would have. If she divorces you then thats your own damn fault but atleast have enough god damn courtesy and tell her!

[Judy246]

There is no way around this one and the one you should be apologizing is to her. This would devistate her and your relationship will never be the same. What you have done is wrong, unexceptable, dishonest, unfaithful, adultery and have put her at risk for an STD. Adultery poisons the very foundation of the family unit. It destroys lives, but there is hope. If you tell her, she will either divorce you or accept and forgive, but never forget. I recommend a marriage counselor, individual counselor and confession to clean your soul and conscience and never repeat this unexceptable, temptation filled lust that only lasted 5 min. Was it worth it? Was it worth your marriage?.....no. Never desrespect your wife and marriage again and learn by your mistakes. Good luck, Judy

[mami1323]

Don't you think that telling her when she really doesn't need to know would result in pain that she should not have to feel?  If he made a one time mistake and knows that he would never do it again, then why put his wife through that hurt.  It's not a hurt that ever goes away.  No many how many years pass and how much time goes by, she will always feel sadness from his act.  Why does she need to be subjected to that?