I don't find my wife attractive

[Paulfisher12]

I have a problem and it isn't getting any better. About seven years ago, I met my wife and we began going out. I am American and my wife is from Europe (If that matters); the long and short of it is - my wife does not sure me on sexually. When we first started doing out, we would make out but I just didn't feel like having sex, it wasn't that I didn't want to have sex with a women, I did and still do. The problem I have is, it just is never her.

I know I have problems, and she is bad tempered and kind of flares upeasily, I just don't want to deal with her sometimes. So why did I marry her, well she had a lot of good qualities and to be honest I just thought the sex part of the relationship would work itself out, but I want sex but not with her. I do a lot of masturbating, but I am afraid I going to crack and try to pick up other women which I don't want to do.

I am confused and scared, I don't know why she does't turn me in. When we first met, she weighed 180 pounds and was 5"2. I was turned off by her obesity - but I could never say anything because she would flare up. I just don't know what to do with her, I think at the time we went out I was at a really low point in my life, I had been shafted by a couple of women I really wanted, but in reality I have been shy around women by whole life, and I settled because I didn't think I could do any better?

So why didn't she walk, well she got a green card out of the deal...so what do I do. I don't want to get this women and really screw up
my life and the kids. I am really depressed about this

thanks

[Paulfisher12]

Perhaps, but now it is time to face the music

[Aimar]

I just think you should just separate if there r no Kids involved you still have a chance to find someone that sutes your needs, expectations, a women that you feel proud to be with that you Love and desire etc. your wife deserves a man who want to to it and not feel like an obligation and viceversa the same to you.. Man need to feel attractive to their spouse... if u didtn feel attractive to her in the begening i dont think things will change. so try to ended in a clean way. like they say life is too short to be unhappy... your LIfe Your Desition.

[cheshchesh819]

Well i think you have answered your own question her,if a therapist cant help i think you know what has to be done,it is the only right thing to do for you and your wife,i do hope you try the help first but i really think you and your wife are done.

[Paulfisher12]

When I was a kid, my dad beat the crap of me and I was also mentally abused by both my mom and dad. I was also sexually humiliated by a psychiatrist. I was bullied in school.

I masturbated as am escape and I have a hard time stopping, I think I prefer the fantasy of having sex with a women to the real thing. I think  the fantasy is safer, but I can't get beyond it

[Paulfisher12]

No I really love women and defintely fantasize about other women, mind you I know how to act around women and I am very respectful, that is part of the problem.

[cheshchesh819]

It just seems to me that you lack the ability to be alone and discover who and what you are and what you want from life,this is probably due to your up bringing{not your fault}but i do think that if you maybe tried speaking to a councillor about your feelings this will help alot,sex is not dirty it is part of a married life,but if you cant bring yourself to do it with your wife then a bit of help might be needed,do you ever feel the urge around other woman or are you like this period.