Im suicidal.my husband calls me bad names and says he doesn't love me. please help?

[girl198]

thank you for reading and answering

im 24,my husband is 30
together nearly 4 years, married less than a 1 year

whenever he gets angry,

he calls me bi tch, ****, ***** etc
says he does not love me
says he wants to divorce me
says he will do what he wants and does not care if im sad or happy

and he gets angry at least once a month. it was like this before marriage too.but i married him coz i loved him very much and everytime i tell him to be good he said he will be good.. he is very good and loving when not angry. what can i do? divorce is not an option as i live in an asian country... once you are married, you are married.
will counseling help? if so, how should i approach that subject with him? whats the best way? im very glad for any answers.. i want to know how i should talk with him about going to counseling....
thank you

[jo929]

your last idea is very foolish and immature, acting never gets anyone anywhere you are a grown up woman and not a child, if you want to go to a psychiatrist why do you not just get up and go, do you have to have his permission for everything you do  luck  jo

[girl198]

did you find any good books for me to read?
i read a lot and i can really understand this better and cope with it if i get to read books on this.

i have an idea
what if i dont eat, dont sleep and just sit there and cry like i have major depression?
i do have depression and have eating and sleeping problems and i cry at night.but what if i act as if its Extreme ? he will have to take me to a doc. then i will go and tell the doc i am depressed coz of this problem. then the doc will talk with him correct?


( by doc i mean a Psychiatrist )

[girl198]

hi, thanks for your reply

i do want to stay with him. when he is not angry, he even washes and feeds me and strokes my hair till i fall asleep. he takes care of me, asks how i am, takes me to the doc when i am sick etc

im not afraid of him. he knows how this hurts me but he does not want to get help.(seems like he thinks getting help is not manly or something)

i earn 25% more than him and im educated than him. and i know people say i could get a better looking man than him (which does not matter to me) but even though those things does not matter to me, could he be thinking that he does not have control over those areas and need to have control and power through abuse?

he does not respect women due to his mother running away with his fathers brother when he was just 2 years old and his previous girlfriends cheating on him. even though he does respect me at other times when he is angry im "just another woman" to him....

help :(

[specialmom]

Do you want to stay married to this man and work on the problems or find a way to leave?  Many are suggesting that you just leave him.  If you have love for him and want to work on this relationship, it can be helped (as long as he is willing) but if you no longer want to be in the marriage but can't think of a way out-----  that is a different matter.  So I just wanted YOU to clarify.    

I think that this marriage and depression have left you very vulnerable and that is why I would not tell you to leave or stay.  I think you are taking steps to figure out what your boundaries are.  No therapist just tells an abused woman to stay (even in your country)-----  but if a woman desires her relationship----  a therapist first problem solves on that basis.  Marriages can be saved------  I've personally seen it many times.

Are you afraid of your husband?  That is a very serious question.  It would give me a better idea of the intensity level here.  So think about your answer first.  (and again, I'm always on YOUR side!)

[Judy246]

Please do not permit anyone to ever treat you less than you deserve to be treated. If he doesn't want to go to therapist, start making a plan to get out of this abusive marriage. Talk with your family and good friends on leaving this man who is not only abusive, but will neither seek counseling and will only continue to abuse you. Love should not hurt....this is not love, but abuse. Please get out as soon as possible, because it will be a matter of time that it will change from verbal to physical abuse.

[girl198]

he does not want to go to a therapist :(