My boyfriend's son is ruining our relationship

[hashadit]

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and we have been living together for about 9 months. My boyfriend has a 10 year old son of whom he has 50% custody every other week. I have tried everything to be nice to this child, but nothing is ever good enough. The son lives with my boyfriend's parents, and always has. My boyfriend had never had the responsibility of being a parent full time---only when its convenient for him. I recently purchased a home in my name (my boyfriend has horrible credit) in the town that his son lives in. The plan was for the son to start staying with us more often, instead of the grandparents, but so far he hasn't stayed one night because I always make up excuses such as being sick so that he won't come over. My boyfriend REFUSES to discipline him. He allows him to do things that drive me CRAZY. The child is 10 and acts like he is 4 or 5. I honestly think he may have ADHD, but my boyfriend becomes so angry with me when I bring it up, that I've just started keeping my feelings to myself. The child rolls around on the floor, jumps on the couch, eats and wipes his dirty hands all over the wall. He constantly goes in and out, in and out, leaving the door open. He becomes bored with whatever he is doing after 5 minutes and is constant need of being entertained. The list of annoying things is neverending. I've told my boyfriend how nervous this behavior makes me and his response is "thats just the way he is". The child has no respect for adults and is very rude to me. My boyfriend laughs everytime this happens. He recently told me that his son is #1 in his life and that I will always come second. I don't think I will ever get over this. He lets the son do as he pleases, and expects me to just deal with it instead of compromising and meeting in the middle. Should I end this before I invest anymore into this relationship?

[chigirl29]

I'm sorry, but if your bf has 50 percent custody--he is doing a decent job.
If you don't like how the relationship is right now--it will not get better down the road (marriage). You should probably date someone without children.

[chigirl29]

Also, you keep calling him "the child"--
Well, I think "the child" would be better off without you in the picture because you have not accepted him.

[momagain59]

I agree

[althepal39]

your boyfriend sounds very immature and only cares about himself.   I would run for the hills.  

[hashadit]

Update:
After a lengthy conversation with my mother, whom i think is a great mom and ALWAYS put her kids and family first, I realized that this child is pitiful! He really has nowhere to call "home", only places to "stay" which differ from week to week.
So I took the reigns. I told my boyfriend, no more excuses. I understand that the grandparents have a very close relationship with him and will want to see him, but every other weekend, fri-sun. HE IS COMING TO OUR HOUSE.
Weekend #1: My boyfriend's son stayed STUCK to me. We had the best time! We played video games where he showed me all the tricks he knew, we baked cookies, we ran in the backyard with our dog, we got up and went out to eat breakfast, etc, etc. I gave him my 100% undivided attention and realized that it was EXACTLY what this child needed. He acts out for attention! He gets absolutely zero from his dad. The entire time we were playing, my boyfriend was drinking beer and watching sports. He actually got mad when I told his son we could hook the playstation up to the large TV in the living room and I told my boyfriend tough s***.
He's just so pitiful it makes me want to cry. He is just searching and HOPING for just 5 minutes of his dad's attention-for his dad to tell him "good job", or to even just play a video game. He begged his dad to play playstation and he only did when i told him to with a "look".
All he wants is for someone to sit with him and talk with him and play with him.
My boyfriend thinks that because he is at our house and he tells him "go play video games in your room" that he is spending time with him. WRONG
Weekend #2: My boyfriend's mom said she was keeping him because his mom was going to a superbowl party. I said, bring him over here-we're cooking and he'll have a good time. Again, my boyfriend completely ignored him and drank beer while the son and I jumped and yelled and gave each other hi-fives over the game.

So I have plans for a couple of hours this saturday when we are supposed to have him. My boyfriend just today accused me of not wanting his son at our house and causing him to not spend time with him. Classic.

[Ortarx]

Really and honestly in my oppinion you care about the kid, and you care about your boyfriend.  The thing is the kid is unstable and the boyfriend is not man enough to deal with what he sired.  Your going to have to raise both it sounds like if you stay in this relationship.  If you want to take on that responsibility that is your choice, if it were me I would say your sol boyfriend you cant handle your son and I am not going to raise both.  Does your boyfriend do anything around the house or does he sit and chill and act like a kid when it comes to responsibility in general? Look at the situation as a 3rd party the best you can then decide.