Never ending cycle of uncertainty

[Mugsy18]

Ok so I have been dating this girl for about 4-5 years. I must say though it has been on and off for 4-5 years. I'm currently 31. When we first started dating she would do things on a regular basis that were pretty disrespectful and hurtful to me. We worked through them. Then there was a phase where anytime something went wrong she would basically just breakup with me. Wells later we'd be back together. Year or so later we break up for a few months. And eventually find ourselves together again. She recently stopped drinking, which was good as it led to many of our issues and made them worse. But the alcohol was seemingly a coping mechanism for her social anxiety, which she has always had, but it's much more obvious and worse now. We are great when it's just us, but when I try to I bite her out with my friends she clams up and becomes very quite and antisocial events my friends go out of their way to be extra nice to her and try to include her in conversation. She's not very driving in the relationship. She's 31 and still lives with her mom. She has a lot if debt and is not the most responsible with money, to say the least. Months ago she mentioned thoughts if ending her life, which really scared me. There's a lot I live about her, but it only involves when it's just the two of us. She doesn't have many friends. I'm just not sure what to do or how to make sense of the whole situation. I can say if I'm being honest I don't think I can do this the rest if my life. She doesn't push me, or herself for bettering our lives. I'm afraid to call it off as she is rather emotionally unstable, and I'm not exactly sure I want to call it off. Any insight or opinions and questions are welcome.

[Londres70]

Would she be willing to seek help for her social anxiety?  If she doesn't address this issue and the others I can't see how this relationship will ever be healthy or work.  

Unless you are "professional help" you can't do much for her.  

Staying with her will not change her and above all you aren't responsible for her actions in regards to her instability.....she is.

[ROSYouralright]

Life is much to short to be miserable and from your post this doesn't sound like a healthy happy relationship. You cant stay with her bc shes emotionally unstable. That is NOT a good reason! Give yourself permission to really evaluate your feelings about everything and then go from their.................

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and welcome. From what you wrote you dont have a relationship based on love and sharing on her part but more of a convienence just to have you around to fulfill her needs. She knows that you are on the defensive and your constantly trying to get her to love you. Thats why she threatens to break up with you as she knows she has this power.

I wouldnt waist any more of your precious lifes time with her. If she dosent have it, time and trying will not make her have it. Just move on and find someone who truely loves you.

Part of your desire to keep trying stems from her rejecting you. Its a natural reaction and most of us have experienced the same.

[Mugsy18]

Sorry for all the typos, stupid iPhone. Hopefully that makes enough sense.