Really Dislike his Ex Wife..Not sure what to think

[Mimsmom]

Well I have posted issues about my relationship before because my bf has mood swings. Besides all of that there is an issue that bugs me.
He has been divorced from his ex wife for 7 years they have two boys together (9+6). He hasn't had any type of relations with her for 3 years now. They're relationship was very distructive and verbally abusive.
When i first was dating my boyfriend his ex had a lot of control over him being the fact that he hadn't moved on and is all about his boys. She gets a great deal of money from him for child support and would still weezle money out of him using the boys as an excuse. When he had the boys (or didn't) she was calling and txting all day. They would continue to fight a lot. Then when me and him got serious she went crazy, she would talk about me and also tried taking the boys away. She did anything she could..... Keep in mind she has a boyfriend who has been living with her for 2 years. Yet denies it!
Well at one point he made all of this my business, i told him that i would be with a guy who gave all his income away. I also would tell him that once she started to fight to just ignore her (because he would partake in it). Thankfully he listened and stopped that behavior. Believe me it's worse then what i describe he would even have to tell her what the kids ate. He has always been very sincere and always showed me the text messages where she would hit on him and he was always really short.
In august there was a huge fight between her and I and then her and him. She then put a restraining order on him stating he bit and punched his kids. She made up so many lies... Then was trying to get full custody and got a lawyer. Well i helped my bf with money (3,000) to get a lawyer to not lose his kids. It was a couple months of that and he started to win the case. Finally they came to an agreement...
Anywho since then he has his boys, one day she called and apologized after them not speaking for months. This was a couple of days ago. The conversation went on for half an hour she stated she wanted them to get along. Well my problem is that since then she keeps texting and calling and uses the boys as an excuse. I talked to my guy about it and he swears he would never do me wrong and that he knows her intentions and doesn't trust her either. I have seen his text messages where he is very short with her. Last night she texted him when he was at work (he works nights) and that bugged me. I trust him but i can't stand her so therefore I don't know what to do.

[Mimsmom]

I feel ya girl on the whole crappy dad thing. My kids dad hasn't seen um for 2 years and even before that he was unavailable at that. My guy has stepped up moods and all. Sometimes my kids overwell him but then in the end he is always willing to help. He never says no to my lil girl... Yep she is upset and wants to be in such control. Honestly we never talk to eachother we crossed words once and it was because she used any excuse to try to get at me. I used to be the lil fighter type but it's not worth it. Yet when she had her hand in my face i told her how i felt and more. My kids were there and hers weren't. I guess its not right to do it in front of my daughter but i wasn't gonna let her talk down to me.
I know she will be there and i understand a lot of things. But i am going to keep my distance like always.

[bunniiebaybii]

Boy I'm so glad I married a man with no kids. My situation is that I would like for my kids to visit their father, but she doesn't allow it. She doesn't like that my kids are around. I sure don't bother him or ask for any extra money from him. He doesn't even pay his child support because she wont allow it. I don't get how a girl can stop him from being a father to his children. I'm so happy that I have a wonderful Guy that provides for them and is a father to them. Although their father hasn't seen them for 2 1/2 years. They are very blessed with their father they have now. Some girls act so dumb. She's also angry at that he wont have kids with her. He's been with her for 4 years. Before he went missing in action he picked them up with her I had no problem with that. I don't care what he's doing she had the nerve to come up to me and try to fight me. First I don't fight in front of my kids so she's lucky that I kissed my kids and walked away. That made he even more angry. When my kids got him they were telling me how mean she was and how if my son was playing with something and if her son wanted it she would take the toys away from him and give it to the kid. Yes that made me very angry and I did end up calling him and asking why in the hell would he allow a women to treat the kids this way. He denied it all the way. Said my kids were liars and not to believe them. After that my kids wouldn't go with him. And he hasn't been around since.l that one time they went. And that's sad. But Mami is right ignore her and keep up with what your doing the girl is just mad at the fact he has someone else and is mad that you have stick by him with all the crap she tries to do. Your doing good don't bring yourself down to her level or even close to it. Because that's what she wants is for you to make a fool of yourself. Just laugh like I did. Good luck. ;)  she"ll end up giving up on it.

[Mimsmom]

Brice... Exactly that.. when i mentioned all on him is that he sets the boundries. Her and I do not speak at all but once in a year and that is it. I am a really nice person and have no problem even being her friend. She just can't handle it... He does talk about the kids and he states that it is all he is to talk about with her. Yet she uses that for closeness. I addressed this to him and he said that he knows how she is and what she is doing. But he is very re-asurring... I will just leave it alone and just state how i feel when it is needed...

[brice1967]

Respectfully, it is not "all on him" if you are involved with this man.  You're in a relationship with this man.  In this relationship, you will both have to work together to address all problems that come your way.  Essentially, even on just a cohabitation situation, on some level, his problems become yours and yours his.

You do not have to interact with the ex-wife.  It just isn't necessary, and he can set those boundaries with the ex.  All he needs to say is, "our conversations will revolve around the kids we share together, and that is it.  You do not need to speak with my girlfriend about anything, and it is preferred that you keep it that way.  She will not talk to you, nor you her."

Now, you're removed from interacting with this woman, but you will still be appraised of what is happening between them, and still be able to offer him support....

[Mimsmom]

mami.. you put it in great perspective... and yes i have been doing just that. I needed to vent and i always stay to myself in these matters. I have told the babies that i don't dislike their mother.
My bf's ex has a man living with her but he never ever questions it or feels threatened. That gives me great sense of security he is doing everything right. As far as showing me that i can trust him... Ima stay out of it.. yes i have been in the position to where she yels and screams and i just laugh.. but we don't cross words..

[Mimsmom]

special mom thank you!!! i barely read your post... well when i mean about money. She has a job that makes 9.00 and hour she is paying for a house and just purchased a hummer. So therefore it's not just for the kids... plus he has his kids everyday and buys them clothes and food and she has them a couple of hours at night. So therfore it's not what it it should be. Yet the boundry for that has been set..
When her and i argued which was once she confronted me in front of my kids.. and honestly i don't like pushed around in front of my babies. I respect her because of the boys and they know it that's why they like me.
I have two kids and as much as i would like to say that i can continue with a guy with no kids. Well i am not one to talk...
I plan to take it one day at a time.. Its all on him actually...