Aa
Really Dislike his Ex Wife..Not sure what to think
Well I have posted issues about my relationship before because my bf has mood swings. Besides all of that there is an issue that bugs me.
He has been divorced from his ex wife for 7 years they have two boys together (9+6). He hasn't had any type of relations with her for 3 years now. They're relationship was very distructive and verbally abusive.
When i first was dating my boyfriend his ex had a lot of control over him being the fact that he hadn't moved on and is all about his boys. She gets a great deal of money from him for child support and would still weezle money out of him using the boys as an excuse. When he had the boys (or didn't) she was calling and txting all day. They would continue to fight a lot. Then when me and him got serious she went crazy, she would talk about me and also tried taking the boys away. She did anything she could..... Keep in mind she has a boyfriend who has been living with her for 2 years. Yet denies it!
Well at one point he made all of this my business, i told him that i would be with a guy who gave all his income away. I also would tell him that once she started to fight to just ignore her (because he would partake in it). Thankfully he listened and stopped that behavior. Believe me it's worse then what i describe he would even have to tell her what the kids ate. He has always been very sincere and always showed me the text messages where she would hit on him and he was always really short.
In august there was a huge fight between her and I and then her and him. She then put a restraining order on him stating he bit and punched his kids. She made up so many lies... Then was trying to get full custody and got a lawyer. Well i helped my bf with money (3,000) to get a lawyer to not lose his kids. It was a couple months of that and he started to win the case. Finally they came to an agreement...
Anywho since then he has his boys, one day she called and apologized after them not speaking for months. This was a couple of days ago. The conversation went on for half an hour she stated she wanted them to get along. Well my problem is that since then she keeps texting and calling and uses the boys as an excuse. I talked to my guy about it and he swears he would never do me wrong and that he knows her intentions and doesn't trust her either. I have seen his text messages where he is very short with her. Last night she texted him when he was at work (he works nights) and that bugged me. I trust him but i can't stand her so therefore I don't know what to do.
He has been divorced from his ex wife for 7 years they have two boys together (9+6). He hasn't had any type of relations with her for 3 years now. They're relationship was very distructive and verbally abusive.
When i first was dating my boyfriend his ex had a lot of control over him being the fact that he hadn't moved on and is all about his boys. She gets a great deal of money from him for child support and would still weezle money out of him using the boys as an excuse. When he had the boys (or didn't) she was calling and txting all day. They would continue to fight a lot. Then when me and him got serious she went crazy, she would talk about me and also tried taking the boys away. She did anything she could..... Keep in mind she has a boyfriend who has been living with her for 2 years. Yet denies it!
Well at one point he made all of this my business, i told him that i would be with a guy who gave all his income away. I also would tell him that once she started to fight to just ignore her (because he would partake in it). Thankfully he listened and stopped that behavior. Believe me it's worse then what i describe he would even have to tell her what the kids ate. He has always been very sincere and always showed me the text messages where she would hit on him and he was always really short.
In august there was a huge fight between her and I and then her and him. She then put a restraining order on him stating he bit and punched his kids. She made up so many lies... Then was trying to get full custody and got a lawyer. Well i helped my bf with money (3,000) to get a lawyer to not lose his kids. It was a couple months of that and he started to win the case. Finally they came to an agreement...
Anywho since then he has his boys, one day she called and apologized after them not speaking for months. This was a couple of days ago. The conversation went on for half an hour she stated she wanted them to get along. Well my problem is that since then she keeps texting and calling and uses the boys as an excuse. I talked to my guy about it and he swears he would never do me wrong and that he knows her intentions and doesn't trust her either. I have seen his text messages where he is very short with her. Last night she texted him when he was at work (he works nights) and that bugged me. I trust him but i can't stand her so therefore I don't know what to do.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hon. I'm not sure how many reasons you need to leave this situation. If you find his relationship with his ex, the mother of his children troubling, that is yet another reason to leave. Not everyone is cut out to date a man that has 'other' obligations.
Obviously it is in the best interest of all parties for them to get alone. Had they not been fighting----- there wouldn't have been that 3000 spent on lawyer fees you had to lay out. It also affects the kids and frankly, your own sanity, doesn't it?
The girlfriend of someone should not be fighting with someone's ex. A new wife shouldn't be fighting with someone's ex. They can ask their boyfriend/husband to be reasonable with communication but might find that the boyfriend/husband actually does want to know all of the minutia (sp?) that goes along with having kids. Money does become an issue. I wouldn't want my husband giving his paycheck away to another household . . . but I married a man without kids that didn't have other financial obligations but our own family we created. While child suport can be a lot------- really, now that I have kids, is it ever enough??? LOL I mean---- there is always something you need money for when you have kids. I spend every last dime I have on my kids and do without and that is pretty normal when you have kids. So, when a man and woman break up---- I don't think the needing money and wanting to give it to the kids stops. I literally made a choice today about buying an item I could really use for myself and getting a game my boys have been wanting. I got the game for Christmas and will do without the item I could use for me.
Anyway, that is my long way of saying that within reason, when someone has kids------ money is always going to go out the door to them and as the other parent knows what they need (or more often, want), they are going to be the ones to ask. It is true that for the duration of your relationship with this man while he has minor children, he will always have financial obligations to them. And like her or not, he will always need to get along with their mother.
I get that many an ex is a witch and hard to deal with. I really do. But what are ya going to do? Your best bet is to stay polite to her and just work with your boyfriend behind the scenes to set boundaries that you can live with. Then he sets them with her.
Or, you coud have a less stressful life by leaving this situation . . . as you are also dealing with a moody man you must walk on egg shells around----- in your post on that subject, you quoted what his ex said about him and agreed with it. He just might not be the best partner for you. good luck
Obviously it is in the best interest of all parties for them to get alone. Had they not been fighting----- there wouldn't have been that 3000 spent on lawyer fees you had to lay out. It also affects the kids and frankly, your own sanity, doesn't it?
The girlfriend of someone should not be fighting with someone's ex. A new wife shouldn't be fighting with someone's ex. They can ask their boyfriend/husband to be reasonable with communication but might find that the boyfriend/husband actually does want to know all of the minutia (sp?) that goes along with having kids. Money does become an issue. I wouldn't want my husband giving his paycheck away to another household . . . but I married a man without kids that didn't have other financial obligations but our own family we created. While child suport can be a lot------- really, now that I have kids, is it ever enough??? LOL I mean---- there is always something you need money for when you have kids. I spend every last dime I have on my kids and do without and that is pretty normal when you have kids. So, when a man and woman break up---- I don't think the needing money and wanting to give it to the kids stops. I literally made a choice today about buying an item I could really use for myself and getting a game my boys have been wanting. I got the game for Christmas and will do without the item I could use for me.
Anyway, that is my long way of saying that within reason, when someone has kids------ money is always going to go out the door to them and as the other parent knows what they need (or more often, want), they are going to be the ones to ask. It is true that for the duration of your relationship with this man while he has minor children, he will always have financial obligations to them. And like her or not, he will always need to get along with their mother.
I get that many an ex is a witch and hard to deal with. I really do. But what are ya going to do? Your best bet is to stay polite to her and just work with your boyfriend behind the scenes to set boundaries that you can live with. Then he sets them with her.
Or, you coud have a less stressful life by leaving this situation . . . as you are also dealing with a moody man you must walk on egg shells around----- in your post on that subject, you quoted what his ex said about him and agreed with it. He just might not be the best partner for you. good luck
My husband's ex-wife sounds familiar to this. Although, his ex-wife doesn't hit on my husband. But she has successfully alienated us from his daughter's life. We just got to the point where we were tired of fighting her. It's very sad but we couldn't trust her and everything was an argument. From my experience, what I would say is he should set boundaries with her. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do since they do share children together and it's better for the children if their parents get along. But there would be no reason for her to text him at strange hours of the night, unless one of the kids is in the hospital. I really don't think you have anything to worry about though, because it sounds like your boyfriend is being really upfront and honest with you about his ex-wife's intentions. Try your hardest to stay out of their issues.
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