Really Dislike his Ex Wife..Not sure what to think

[Mimsmom]

Well I have posted issues about my relationship before because my bf has mood swings. Besides all of that there is an issue that bugs me.
He has been divorced from his ex wife for 7 years they have two boys together (9+6). He hasn't had any type of relations with her for 3 years now. They're relationship was very distructive and verbally abusive.
When i first was dating my boyfriend his ex had a lot of control over him being the fact that he hadn't moved on and is all about his boys. She gets a great deal of money from him for child support and would still weezle money out of him using the boys as an excuse. When he had the boys (or didn't) she was calling and txting all day. They would continue to fight a lot. Then when me and him got serious she went crazy, she would talk about me and also tried taking the boys away. She did anything she could..... Keep in mind she has a boyfriend who has been living with her for 2 years. Yet denies it!
Well at one point he made all of this my business, i told him that i would be with a guy who gave all his income away. I also would tell him that once she started to fight to just ignore her (because he would partake in it). Thankfully he listened and stopped that behavior. Believe me it's worse then what i describe he would even have to tell her what the kids ate. He has always been very sincere and always showed me the text messages where she would hit on him and he was always really short.
In august there was a huge fight between her and I and then her and him. She then put a restraining order on him stating he bit and punched his kids. She made up so many lies... Then was trying to get full custody and got a lawyer. Well i helped my bf with money (3,000) to get a lawyer to not lose his kids. It was a couple months of that and he started to win the case. Finally they came to an agreement...
Anywho since then he has his boys, one day she called and apologized after them not speaking for months. This was a couple of days ago. The conversation went on for half an hour she stated she wanted them to get along. Well my problem is that since then she keeps texting and calling and uses the boys as an excuse. I talked to my guy about it and he swears he would never do me wrong and that he knows her intentions and doesn't trust her either. I have seen his text messages where he is very short with her. Last night she texted him when he was at work (he works nights) and that bugged me. I trust him but i can't stand her so therefore I don't know what to do.

[specialmom]

As usual, our dear mami speaks pure wisdom!

[mami1323]

I mean being that you are a mother yourself, not you are the mother.  My thoughts come out quicker than I type...lol.

[mami1323]

I know it's hard dealing with an ex and especially when the ex is difficult.  Believe me, I get it. But being that you are the mother, you can kind of understand how difficult it is when another woman is around your kids.  Maybe she's insecure and intimidated of the role you play in her children's lives.  Maybe she just likes having the power over her ex or gets off on the attention or likes feeling like she's number 1 in his life.  Who knows but like I said, he does seem to care about your comfortability.  Your issues with her our your issues.  Try not to let it stand in the way of him being a father to his kids.  As hard as it is sometimes.  Believe me, I have sat by quietly on the sidelines as my husband's ex yelled at him through the phone about me and being mad at something that was totally misconstrued.  I also had a moment of weakness and was yelling in the background.  I had just had years of abuse from this woman.  But in the end, it's the children that matter.  So as irrational as his ex may seem, you still have to somewhat respect her position as the children's mother.  If you can't then like specialmom said, maybe rethink your relationship.  Good luck.

[Londres70]

Mami1323 offered some great advice.

Two things:  1. Bf needs to set boundaries with ex.  
                     2. Leave the drama between your bf and the ex between
                         your bf and the ex.  Don't get involved.  

I am not saying you can't voice your opinion to your bf, however, I think the above recommendations should be done.

[specialmom]

I wrote a long long post to say what mami said in her last sentence.  "Try your hardest to stay out of their issues."  Well put.  

[Mimsmom]

Thank you i really really needed that mami... I trust him and he is completely honest always has been. She is pretty much obsessed with him, she wants that control. I always tell him that it would be good if they got along but i don't like or trust her.
One day me and her got into it because she said i yelled at one of the boys (not true they love me). Well i tried to explain to her that i love them and she wouldnt' shutup so i ended up tossing the B word around at her. Her conversation about her  boys ended with "i don't want him you can have him that why i left him" uhhhh! I said that was none of my business.
I tell him to set boundries with her and i feel he does. He has changed a lot and what she did to him wasn't cool. It just bothers me i guess...
I have two kids who don't have a father so he is lucky to not have to see him..
Im trying and yes he is very very honest.. i tellin ya my moody guy is just moody. Besides that he has great qualities i trust him a lot. He always saves his texts and shows them to me because he knows it bugs me. I don't know if he should be telling me about all the times she tries to contact him but he does to be honest...