What do women really want?

[DLG5]

Ok,  This question has been asked since the beginning of time.   Women,   answer it please!

In my 50 short years on this planet,  and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male,  I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex.    Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.

1.   You say you want us to be sensitive,  but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2.   You say you want us to lead,  but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3.   You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4.   "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?".   Do you really expect us to answer that question??  If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble,  If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway.  You put us in a "no win" situation!
5.   All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say:  "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad".  Well Hell woman,  what if it IS??   I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6.   Laidies,  Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7.   We have feelings that can be hurt,  and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8.   You expect us to change light bulbs,  clean the garage,  repair the car,  mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living  because as a man "that's our job",  but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom,  suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.

So,  please try to answer the question:  "What do women really want",  because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.

Donald the frustrated.

[Agiesmom]

You made me cry, Donald!

I really hope she responds positively to it!  Your "happiness is a journey, not a destination" comment was a point in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.  Love it!

Let us know how it goes.  Maybe give it to her with some flowers.  :)

[Jaybay]

Quite simply, I love it.  :-)

[DLG5]

Ok, I copied and pasted my letter to her.  Here's what I wrote.  Do you think it is fair?


Dear XXXXXXX

I’ve never written you about the subject I’m about to write you about,  and I think it’s about time.  Perhaps you will realize that maybe I understand some things a little more than you realize.   One of my life’s goals is to make you happy.  If you are happy, then I am happy.  It’s really that simple.

You have been through more pain and suffering in your life than any human being should be allowed.  Much of it before I met you, but a lot of it after.  Things that have nothing to do with us, but with your family and growing up.  Terrible things. (Here is where you will say “You too!”,  and you’re right,  and I need your love and comfort to get over those hurts in my childhood)  

I know you hurt inside so much.  I know you suffer every single day being tormented by memories.  Memories that you seems to hold on to and can't get over.  It feels like you have saved all those awful memories and keep piling and piling them one after another on top of what's already there.  Every hurt I cause,  every pain I cause you gets piled upon all the years and years of the other hurts and trauma that's already there.  They get all mixed together into one big single Hurt, indistinguishable from each other but just one huge traumatic pain.  I can understand the "why" at times; it's just impossible for me to help you.  I can't get in!  Especially since I am a contributor to that big pile of hurt.  

I want to help you, I want to be a husband and friend to you, but I just can't get in!!!  I believe that things happen for a reason, and my marriage to you could very well have been orchestrated by God because you needed someone like me that has stayed with you through all of this and bring you through it.  (Not many other men would have stayed) (Right here is where you will say “That goes both ways!”) (And you’re right again)  I just don't know how to get into your heart.

I really don’t believe that helping you to become happy is just by following a set of rules or requirements that you set for me. It’s much more than that.   Happiness has to come from inside you,  not from your surroundings.  Happiness is a state of mind, not a state of reaching some unreachable goal.  You don’t “arrive” at happiness, you make it your journey!

I am your husband, your helper, your friend, your confidante.  Let me into your heart so we can find that elusive balance that will bring us happiness together.  

Love,

Don

[DLG5]

Well,  I've sent her numerous letters in the past, but never really addressing the subject that I did in the previous post.  

I could try another one I suppose.  It is good advice,  and I think I will do it.  I'll let you know her response.  Thanks again ladies.

Donald   (Don)

[Agiesmom]

ITA.  You seem to really understand her and telling her so in a letter may help her to realize that.  Then she can re-read it and think about it, too.

[RockRose]

I think that was very insightful,  Donald,  and I think you should write that post in the form of a letter to her.  

Best wishes.