Aa
What do you think?
There is a guy I like and he is getting a divorce. It's only been about 2 months into the process, how soon can I say something? I know him through a business I go to. Would be be fine to send a card and just state that I am sorry about the stress he is dealing with at this time and that I hope everything works out well for him?
I have plans to take up lunch for his staff as I have often done things of this nature over the years. What are your thoughts?
I have plans to take up lunch for his staff as I have often done things of this nature over the years. What are your thoughts?
Thank you. When I first found out about his divorce I made him a funny "dang-it" doll...you hit it on the counter and say " dang-it, dang-it, dang-it" . I am sure he knew that I was aware of what he was going on, but I also wanted to remind him of who was always making him laugh when he was most tense. At the end of the month I am making lunch for all of the people at his work, along with a fun but ugly H. Cake. Just to remind him that I am still around. If he wants to go out, he can ask me....that is where I draw the line. But I see nothing wrong with letting him know I still like him. I don't see him that often, so I have to find ways to let him know I still like him.
I am really glad that the divorce is not going to be messy.
I am really glad that the divorce is not going to be messy.
It's always so sad to hear about a divorce. I met my husband after he was separated from his wife for only a couple of months. He made it clear that there was no chance for reconciliation, and we started seeing each other. We ended up moving in together quickly. We both had kids that were 12 at that time and they divorced immediately upon my moving in. Because I was keeping my son's name, we did not get legally married, but we have been living common law for 14 years. I don't think there is a time limit, rather an understanding that some people may need more time than others to get reattached. We are so close and have had a wonderful marriage together. I too hope that maybe this divorce is not "messy" and you can let him know, simply, that you are interested and love is in the air...........
That's all you can do, it's not a big scary thing, just a wink in the right direction. You'll soon know whether he's dealing with a "mess" or he's dealing with his freedom pretty quickly.........
My husband does not associate our relationship with his divorce, in any way shape or form. The reason is that we discussed at great length , and both were assured, that we were not risking any possible reconciliation between him and his first wife...........
Luck to you Zoe,
That's all you can do, it's not a big scary thing, just a wink in the right direction. You'll soon know whether he's dealing with a "mess" or he's dealing with his freedom pretty quickly.........
My husband does not associate our relationship with his divorce, in any way shape or form. The reason is that we discussed at great length , and both were assured, that we were not risking any possible reconciliation between him and his first wife...........
Luck to you Zoe,
LOL.......you wanted to get nice and fit for him too? He must be something fantastic.
Just remember....proceed slow and with caution. He has to be ready and open to dating even AFTER the divorce is final. When that will be.......?????
Just remember....proceed slow and with caution. He has to be ready and open to dating even AFTER the divorce is final. When that will be.......?????
I just found out their divorce will be final at the end of this month! My that was quick!! I am happy for him and her as they wanted this, but trully, I was hoping to lose some more weight before this was final...lol
Thank you :)
I will post back and keep you all up dated, esp., going to need some advice.
I will post back and keep you all up dated, esp., going to need some advice.
He could take less than a year or longer than a year to be totally open to dating again. Seems like a year is a decent time frame in my opinion.
I also know men would have gotten together with another woman while going through a divorce......like your situation they were men going through divorces with their first wives. Some of their wives filed for divorce from them and some of them filed for divorce from their wives......kinda a mix. They met someone else during their separation period while going through their divorces and now they all are married to the women they met during that time. Another common thread was these were OLDER men who had been in a lifeless/dead marriage for a decade or longer. Their divorces weren't messy.
My advice still stands as is.......just make sure the "dust" has settled BEFORE trying to get involved with this man. That way all the focus is on YOU and he isn't trying to focus on some "messy divorce" and you.
BTW: you're plan sounds reasonable.
I also know men would have gotten together with another woman while going through a divorce......like your situation they were men going through divorces with their first wives. Some of their wives filed for divorce from them and some of them filed for divorce from their wives......kinda a mix. They met someone else during their separation period while going through their divorces and now they all are married to the women they met during that time. Another common thread was these were OLDER men who had been in a lifeless/dead marriage for a decade or longer. Their divorces weren't messy.
My advice still stands as is.......just make sure the "dust" has settled BEFORE trying to get involved with this man. That way all the focus is on YOU and he isn't trying to focus on some "messy divorce" and you.
BTW: you're plan sounds reasonable.
Thank you for your comment. I can't help the way I feel about this guy. I hope he will give me a chance, that is all I want. I care a lot about him.
I kind of figured it woulod be about a year before he will be ready, but who knows? This will be a messy divorce from what I know about the situation. Ihave known others who did get togther even during a divorce and made it work just fine, so it might just be that if you know each other prior that it could work, but as I stated, I am scared too...so I would want to take it slow. What my plan is to do something once a month for the work place, not even caring if he see's me...but my name will come up.
Zoe114,
Londres said it well!! (as She usually does!!). In my situation, I TOO was the one to end the Marriage, I was the one to file, but none the less and, never the less - I had MUCH work to do getting my head together. I stress again - It was MY choice, it was MY move but - EVERYONE loses in a divorce and it takes time to get right with YourSelf. I was EXTREMELY unhappy and distressed for my failed Marriage, a Marriage I had remained in for 15 YEARS and a BAD Marriage for that whole time!!
I REALLY like Londres' advice that: "Timing is KEY and Good Things come to Those who are Patient and Wait".
My Husband of today was my "Best Friend" for SEVEN YEARS!! before We Married. It was a GOOD, a VERY, VERY GOOD seven years - today We are Married for 28 Years and Our Happiness is SO Good, SO Right, and simply INDESCRIBABLE to Others - except Others SEE, and Others ENVY Us and I can Sincerely, Honestly say "I am only sorry that others don't have the same Joy as We do.
If I were to suggest ONE reason that Marriages and Relationships fail - I would say: Most People do not give themselves enough time - enough time to know Who is RIGHT and Who is WRONG. Most of the time We are anxious and in a hurry to form relationships, We Marry too soon, We make Families too soon and TOO MANY PEOPLE GET HURT!!
So, just be patient - if it's going to be Good, and if it's going to be Right - well then, time will tell.
Good Luck to You, Zoe.
Londres said it well!! (as She usually does!!). In my situation, I TOO was the one to end the Marriage, I was the one to file, but none the less and, never the less - I had MUCH work to do getting my head together. I stress again - It was MY choice, it was MY move but - EVERYONE loses in a divorce and it takes time to get right with YourSelf. I was EXTREMELY unhappy and distressed for my failed Marriage, a Marriage I had remained in for 15 YEARS and a BAD Marriage for that whole time!!
I REALLY like Londres' advice that: "Timing is KEY and Good Things come to Those who are Patient and Wait".
My Husband of today was my "Best Friend" for SEVEN YEARS!! before We Married. It was a GOOD, a VERY, VERY GOOD seven years - today We are Married for 28 Years and Our Happiness is SO Good, SO Right, and simply INDESCRIBABLE to Others - except Others SEE, and Others ENVY Us and I can Sincerely, Honestly say "I am only sorry that others don't have the same Joy as We do.
If I were to suggest ONE reason that Marriages and Relationships fail - I would say: Most People do not give themselves enough time - enough time to know Who is RIGHT and Who is WRONG. Most of the time We are anxious and in a hurry to form relationships, We Marry too soon, We make Families too soon and TOO MANY PEOPLE GET HURT!!
So, just be patient - if it's going to be Good, and if it's going to be Right - well then, time will tell.
Good Luck to You, Zoe.
Well Zoe.....
I have been through a divorce and I can tell you my emotions were so all over the board during and after the divorce. I was definitely in no position to start any romantic relationship at all. I had ALOT of offers for dates and such, but I just wasn't ready. It probably took me one year to 18 months to even consider dating anyone. To add: I was the one who filed and still was an "emotional wreck."
I wouldn't approach him, but that's not to say you can't keep your eye on him and just assess the situation thoroughly and give it some time.
Keep in mind he is only two months into the divorce proceedings and there is still a possibility they could work things out and reconcile.....just a possibility.
Just make sure the ink on the divorce papers is dry and make sure he is thoroughly ready and open to dating.
Timing is KEY here dear and sometimes good things come to those who are patient and wait.
I have been through a divorce and I can tell you my emotions were so all over the board during and after the divorce. I was definitely in no position to start any romantic relationship at all. I had ALOT of offers for dates and such, but I just wasn't ready. It probably took me one year to 18 months to even consider dating anyone. To add: I was the one who filed and still was an "emotional wreck."
I wouldn't approach him, but that's not to say you can't keep your eye on him and just assess the situation thoroughly and give it some time.
Keep in mind he is only two months into the divorce proceedings and there is still a possibility they could work things out and reconcile.....just a possibility.
Just make sure the ink on the divorce papers is dry and make sure he is thoroughly ready and open to dating.
Timing is KEY here dear and sometimes good things come to those who are patient and wait.
Thank you, I am sure I will be posting more on this. It is scary to think about all of this for me too. I just know how I feel about him, he knows I like him too.
I agree with SpecialMom
and I am also relieved to see Your response to Her.
It would not be wise to become involved with any Man who is only 2 months into the end of His Marriage. This is a very Emotional and Transitional time for anyone going through such a Life Altering Episode. Don't do anything, don't say anything - just be there, be around, and be YourSelf - if something is meant to be, well then, it will be, but for it to be Meaningful, You need to keep a low profile and let Him go at His own pace in putting another Relationship together. It will take time for Him to sort through His experience - You don't want to become involved with SomeOne who hasn't resolved His losses. Whether it was His idea to terminate the Marriage or Hers, it's still a "loss" for BOTH of Them. They BOTH Married believing in and expecting Forever. Just give Him the time He needs.
Good Luck - I hope this does turn out the way You are hoping for
and I am also relieved to see Your response to Her.
It would not be wise to become involved with any Man who is only 2 months into the end of His Marriage. This is a very Emotional and Transitional time for anyone going through such a Life Altering Episode. Don't do anything, don't say anything - just be there, be around, and be YourSelf - if something is meant to be, well then, it will be, but for it to be Meaningful, You need to keep a low profile and let Him go at His own pace in putting another Relationship together. It will take time for Him to sort through His experience - You don't want to become involved with SomeOne who hasn't resolved His losses. Whether it was His idea to terminate the Marriage or Hers, it's still a "loss" for BOTH of Them. They BOTH Married believing in and expecting Forever. Just give Him the time He needs.
Good Luck - I hope this does turn out the way You are hoping for
I agree with you and understand what your saying. I will just keep doing what I have done in the past and just be a friend . The friend part of me wants to say something but it might just be best to just be around. I have not dated much and i am find being alone, but this guy just makes me feel like I have known him forever.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Well, I've not been divorced but I've met men that are recovering from a relationship. The problem is that many emotions surround a divorce for both parties--- no matter who asked for it and who was on the receiving end. It's a 'failure' and it is the end of something that you once had a lot of hope in. It's often a sad time as well as a rejuvenating time for some. Emotions tend to fluctuate and can go in all different directions with different intensity levels.
So what is rebound? It is when someone one is coming out of something and hurting. They end up with someone as a 'band aid' to what they are going through. They aren't their best self with this person and often blow it. Even if they go on to figure out that the person was actually a good catch, it is usually to late.
I have been the rebound girl and I've been the person on the rebound with a great guy that I blew things with because it was a transitional time for me.
So, my suggestion is for you to be patient. No need to send cards, try to 'get in' and see if something will happen right now. I'd wait. I'd let him move past this a little bit and THEN see if he might want to date you. That is the best way to have a relationship with him that starts out with solid footing.
It's nothing against you or nothing against him--- it's a timing thing. good luck
So what is rebound? It is when someone one is coming out of something and hurting. They end up with someone as a 'band aid' to what they are going through. They aren't their best self with this person and often blow it. Even if they go on to figure out that the person was actually a good catch, it is usually to late.
I have been the rebound girl and I've been the person on the rebound with a great guy that I blew things with because it was a transitional time for me.
So, my suggestion is for you to be patient. No need to send cards, try to 'get in' and see if something will happen right now. I'd wait. I'd let him move past this a little bit and THEN see if he might want to date you. That is the best way to have a relationship with him that starts out with solid footing.
It's nothing against you or nothing against him--- it's a timing thing. good luck
Wow, so many negative feelings on here. You all must have been through a divorce.
She asked for it this time, I just found out he ask for it some time back.
They had work togther so my guess is that home involved the work issues, and work involved the home issues- never any peace and time away from each other, most couples cannot work togther...it takes a rare couple to make that type of situation work.
And, No he would not associate me with the bad times.
She asked for it this time, I just found out he ask for it some time back.
They had work togther so my guess is that home involved the work issues, and work involved the home issues- never any peace and time away from each other, most couples cannot work togther...it takes a rare couple to make that type of situation work.
And, No he would not associate me with the bad times.
All that dating a guy in the throes of divorce will do is make him remember the nasty time during the divorce when he thinks of you. And who knows, he might already have his eye on some other woman -- men rarely divorce "just because," even if they are unhappy in their marriages ... they usually only will go through with it if someone who looks better is waiting. Sorry to say. If you feel like talking to him in a friendly way, go ahead, but if he doesn't pick up the signal, you might lay off.
If she is controling then maybe he needs controling but this is not necessarily a bad thing. Most men need some type of controls like the honey due list and cutting the grass but maybe he has some other issues. People get married for love and to loose the love there hasve been some big reasons. Whos wants the divorce him or her? and how long were they married and are there children?
I bought a card, but really I got it for the group. So you think that would be best. I know the soon to be Ex, and know that no one like her...very controlling. I have been told things about him and I know that only in time with being around him will I know more.
If you want to get involved with him,you might want to find out more about the divorce, like what happened in their relationship as you dont want to get into a similar situation. Remember that we are creatures of habit and the same habits might pop up with the 2 of you. I would not send a card.
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