being with a married man

[susiec677]

i am involved with a married man. He is older than me.and we share a child. His wife knows about the baby and our past affairs. we have been involved for 9 years,and we spend 90% of our time together. When there are holidays and birthdays,and etc. he is there with me. We just dont sleep together at night. He does not want me to be involved with another man. But he wants to keep his wife on the side. He does not stay with me. The way he acts, you would think that he stays with me, and paying bills, and etc. but he doesn't. I never ran after him, he ran after me, for 3 months, and i finally decided to start being friends with him. He never said anything bad about his wife. Neither does he talk about her like that at all. I was the one who always said to myself that i would never mess with a married man, but i did. So no one can really say, what they will never do. After being friends with him at first, I guess i let the situation handle itself , without me putting a cap on it. I dont know what i allowed my self to get involved in, cause this is way to long to be involved in this type of foolishness.

[specialmom]

Hm.  I think that some can really say what they will and won't do if they have strong conviction.  I really do.  There are things I absolutely would not do.  Never have and never will.  I have strong conviction and much inner strength and willpower.  
Anyway, that is neither here nor there.  Do you have a question?

[caregiver222]

The current state of affairs is unacceptable for the child. As for your own behavior I am neither a judge, nor a jury. Your baby is in a poor legal position and is entitled to child support, as well an an inheritance. In the event this man dies, it is not fair to the baby. You cannot count on his wife assisting in any way. What you need to do at this point is to consult an attorney, and establish paternity and formalize a legal document regarding this person's responsibilities to the child.

[RockRose]

Hmm.  I can certainly say I wouldn't touch a married man.  There are some things you can't control,  like you can't say "I will never be homeless".  "My children will never run wild".  You can't predict those things,  you can't always control them.

But I certainly can control whether I have an affair with a married guy,  it doesn't just "happen" - it's a decision you've made,  and have stuck with it for almost a decade.

And yes,  it is way too long to be involve in "this foolishness" as you say.

Best wishes redirecting your life in the way you know in your heart that you should.

[teko]

I guess Im not supposed to call it as I see it in this day and age, I think it be called truth and what you are looking for Im not sure. Is it support? Nah, not happnin. You are a cheater, a ho, a homewrecker, a traitor of other womens homes. And you dont even get yer bills paid. You my dear is a poor excuse of a woman in my book. You dont take what does not belong to you, period... Watch yer back tho, lots of em out there like you that c nothin wrong with it at all and you will get yers. I think its called karma. But, since you are here for support, good luck with that. :)

[sweetpea03]

I have to totally agree with Rockrose, in that this was a choice you made and you can choose to live your life differently. This man is married and will stay married, but you can choose to walk away from him. You can still have him see his child, but you shouldn't do anything more than that. Good luck.

[goddesstina]

I can agree wit rockrose... there are things I can say I will never do an honestly mess wit a married man is one of them... I was married and sum woman knew he was married and now they are together and have 3 more children together... my ex husband and i have 2 together but at the end of the day u need to think, how would u feel if u were in the wife's situation...??? There are consequences for every action and every consequence doesn't come the same as the act made...

[susiec677]

Almost everyone makes a good point. Everyone makes a decision, whether it is right or wrong a fact or an opinion. But the reson for me writing this is to see what you all opinion are andsee the response. Yes this is true, but we all have problems and faults and mine thing of today is this. I knew I was wrong and for the most part dealing with someone for 9 years is not easy to just break of, when there is a child involved. but its in the making.I to, do have to deal with my problems and issues that what any other person problems that they may have. I have asked god for forgiveness and i am working on my delieverance. and to stop making foolish decisions based on my feelings. But the question of the day is. Just like in the bible, rather this happened to you or not. Can you cast the first stone. Are you to left without sin. Are you in jeopardy of going to hell, as i was once. even though you ask for forgiveness about your sins. do you completely turn away from your wicked ways? Cause all sin is un to death, but the gift of life is eternal. so no one is with out sin, no not one, and if you judged me, then then you are condemned also. Cause all sin is equal. not seperate. lie, steal cheat hore, whoremonging, back biting, and etc. We all fit this catagory. So while you all are worried about you all hurts and somebodys wrong. We all have faults. So dont let this world make you think. just a woman that sleeps with a married man is worse than any other sin. cause its not. Believe me having sex with a single man and not married and messing with a married man is no different sin, cause the mistress is a fornicator regaurdless, and if you fornicate you will not see god, or heaven, amongce any other sin that we tend to committ.

[susiec677]

oh, and i forgot, an adulter in bible terms, is a married person that divorces for any other reson other than sex. not a mistress that sleeps with married men. if you divorce your spouse and its not cause of them cheating then you have sinned . cause you cause that person to commit adultery. Casue they will likely get with someone else and have sex. and that not what god ordaned.look it up its in the bible. But i am not making excuses though. all of it is wrong. So if you are having sex with someone and you are not married. then you will be no more different than someone having sex with a married man. Forget what you heard.That is what jesus says. So stay or get married and dont have sex with no one but your husband and stop committing other sins also that can get you in to hell. soon as you die. cause again there is no sin greater than the other. none! So if anyone wants to cast the 1st. stone you will have to go through God first. And you know what he will say check your selves.Just like he authored me to say today.

[specialmom]

Sounds ever so slightly like an excuse to me.  But good luck with the rationalizing.  

I think caregiver gave you the best advice here to make sure the financial needs of your child are met.  

[teko]

Yes, God says we can judge the sin. But then you already know that right? Secondly, the devil knows every word of the bible as well and knows full well the difference and the consequences between good and evil. He did not listen either. But the problem is, you were not addressing god when you came to this forum wanting opinions/advice/support? You were talking to us lowly humans, asking for our opinions. What exactly is it that you want to hear again? Is it that the other woman deserves to be cheated on by her husband and you? That if she were taking care of her man, you would not have him? Or would not have a child with her husband? And tell me again how God fits into all this again? Somehow I dont think any of this is his doing, do you?

[mami1323]

You know what bugs me the most is people who quote the bible when they aren't exactly following it.  You're having an affair with a married man and then you're bringing a child into this mess.  This isn't about religion, it's about being moral and treating someone with respect.  You are being completely selfish in your actions and then trying to justify the affair.  There is no justification for what you are doing.  It is wrong, plain and simple.  I also can say that I would not ever have an affair with a married man because I would never hurt another human being in that way.  I'm sure it hurts to leave him but what exactly are you getting?  A man who splits his life between two women.  You are getting no support.  It just seems really sad to me.  What are you teaching your child?  You can control your actions.  

[susiec677]

no one said that i was right of what i did, and no one said that i came on here for sympthy. I stated that even though i was wrong. wrong is wrong and right is right, and fornication is fronication. and sin is sin. no god said do not judge. read the bible. and he says it is a sin to call one sin bad and another one good. i am not rationalizing my sin. honeys i brought it to the table. as confession. Showing that i was wrong. not gloating that i did it. All i am saying is i hear so much about people pointing fingers at other people as if they are right about the stuff they do to like one wrong is on is better than another wrong. we are talking about spirituallty, because the only reason why i chose to get it right is because whom i want to please god, and if we are on the same path. in trying to please god then we should learn to do better. my situation was my trial, and a trial i had to go through. We all have, had and will have the same trials. so since we all do. regaurdless what my trial is or another persons trial. Who are you to judge, when we should be trying to please God and not each other. It turned religious, because yes i was stuck in the sinful state, but dont mean i have to stay there either.That to is a choice, which god Always gives us. Miami you are so worried about hurting a human being to the point to where i never heard you say anything about christ yet, which says you do not put him first. Just like at first i didn't. But like i said i never ever said i was right, not to even justify it, by all i have to do is fall on my knees and repent,(which i have already) and turn from my wicked ways, and my slate is clean, cause thats just how much god loves me. Can you say the same. Its not good to hurt other people. But people regaurdless who they are we all tend to make mistakes reguardless what they are and again. one is no different thatn the other, just because you chose not to do it. I chose to sleep with a married man, (fornication) but i didn't chose to use drugs, kill, back bite or lie, or what ever, but you know what i minuse well have cause i was a sinner , and i was guilty of it all. I know the bible, because i know the father, I accepted god a long time ago, so i know the basics, but god gives us a choice, and it was a bad one that i chose, and that is my trial and tribulation. and you have trials and tribulations to. your's are just different. But along with that i chose to turn it around and start a new. I dont seek sympothy, cause its not about other people.  what i do today does not determine my tommorrow. man will never forgive you , but god will,. and thats all i care about. he who i have to answer to. We are only on this earth, because there is a spiritual battle going on, one you cannot see.its not about this stuff we see before us today. so i have to fight daily, cause life is and forever will be a struggle if you step out of the will of god.

[teko]

You said, i am involved with a married man. Not was, used to be, back when... I am is pretty current is it not. Guess you better get back on them knees eh?

[specialmom]

I still don't know what the heck your question is.  Perhaps a life of secrecy is putting you in a position of confessing anonymously?

Life is about choices.  We are all responsible for our own.  I'm sure this is not how you wanted your life to turn out and I am sorry for that.  

One last comment, one of the things that I think you may be missing is that the point of acknowledging our transgressions is to ask for forgiveness and stop doing it.  

[specialmom]

Actually, I do have one more comment.  You've come here telling us of something that is socially unacceptable and taboo.  I think it is unfair to be upset that people reacted to that.  I feel more pity than anything else for your situation as I'm sure it wasn't your dream to live this life.  

Again, not sure if you actually have a question but wish you'd ask one so this post feels like it is going somewhere productive.    

[TTinKKerBBell]

No one is "judging" You but simply saying it is wrong to be in this relationship with a married man - and wrong it is!!   You acknowledge that it's wrong BUT You follow with heavy duty preaching to the rest of us that no one is without sin.  We agree that's true but that doesn't justify what You are doing.  You're more or less telling everyone that You have chosen Your "sin" and because we're all sinners then it's okay ("sin is sin") - well....it's not okay.   God probably wants a little more from us than just to ADMIT we are sinners - my guess is He might want some atonement - and I think that would include repentence - You aren't repenting or atoning while in the MIDST of an affair. You say it's not good to hurt other people but I guarantee You have hurt that man's wife a ton more than anyone here has hurt You.  It's surprising that You would have an affair with a married man for NINE YEARS and then be offended that no one here is supportive of that.

What were You looking for - approval?, understanding?, what??

[Ashelen]

Just want to clear something up, since you seem to be hinging all your arguments on the bible. You claim that a person who is a mistress is not an adulteress, but I beg to differ.

Proverbs 5:27-29 Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

If you supply "she who sleeps with another woman's husband, no one who touches him will go unpunished"...yeah, that would be YOU.

(Hebrews 13:4) 4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.

My point with that one is - the point of asking for forgiveness is to confess your sins and to NOT CONTINUE DOING THEM. As long as you continue to sleep with a married man, you are both committing adultery, or if you want to argue that only he is being adulterous then you are committing sexual immorality while he is committing adultery. And you will be judged as long as you continue. Ask for forgiveness...sure...but you can't just keep doing it!

Look..you're nothing more than a concubine. You deserve so much more. why do you let yourself be treated this way...? Don't you think you deserve to be in a relationship where you are the only woman the man is with, and your child is respected? If you're really done with this foolishness and you've been down on your knees...then move on. Put him behind you and get into a relationship that you deserve!

I just don't understand why you'd let him do this to you, unless you have no self-respect.

[susiec677]

i am not mad and if anyone of you read anything that i wrote you would have heard me say that what condemed me then , on one day does not condemn me on another, and that means because i have asked for forgiveness, and turned from my wicked ways. In doing so does not make me a guilty of that sin any longer. Becasue a backslider can do just that. And that is called repentance. And for the last person that wrote the comment an that did not explain about adultery. You need to read the bible carefully and check Matthew reading boo. from the one a true Holy bible. Not the rewrite copy. Which is neither here nor their. because a fornicator, which means sleeping with someone and not married and a adulterer and a whoremonger and etc. shall not enter the kingdom of god, which certainly means that even if you are a single woman or male having sex with a single indivual. you are commiting a sin and that sin is fornication and you are in mo better shoe than someone that has messed up and messed around with a married man. I am not justifying the sin at all. i am just saying all sin is unto death. but the gift of god is eternal life. so in that i can walk away and become a new.  and just because someone has, had, is or having sex with a married man doesn't mean that they would have or want to sleep with yours. Although i sympothies with this, in the same token i feel like we all have sinned and we when people that are,or feel like they are without sin should approach people in a way that to tell them what is wrong, how and allow them to understand that there is a better way, cause you've either been there or you've been on the other side. No for encouragement to keep on, but for a way of escape out of a black tunnel inwhich they lye in. causelashing out at someone because you are hurt or sensitive about the situation is not helping you nor that indiviual, and at that point nothing will be accomplished. and to the last writter. I was once looking at this preacher. and she said her and her husband was smokers, and they was trying to stop smoking so they both went to god in prayer that same night together before they went to bed. When they woke up. The husband went to the trash and threw his cigareets away, when she still had a craving for her cigarettes. She was wondering what happened cause she was suppose to not be feeling like this. She still had that craving and that urge to smoke. She said god came to her and said to her. I didn't move that from you the same way i am going to remove yours, because i just dont want it to be that easy for you i want you to learn something from this and go through this because when i bring you out of this (his way) then you are going to be a witness to others.  My saying is yes i have asked for forgiveness and chose to not get sexually involved with him. although the emotion is still there.  I can end this thread as saying, that when you all approach a situation like this one, and i wrote this out here like this cause i know the one who love to bash people will comment, and forget about they own flaws. A fornicator is just what it is i have the word and definition to back it up. Someone who have sex with someone that is not his or her husband. An a adulter is NOT someone who sleeps with a married man. Forget what you heard thats in the bible to not the dictionary. Cause just like god hates fornicators, he hates adulters to .He does  not hold 1 higher than another. Read up on marriage in the bible, the one that was the last one who wrote on here. I am not holding on to something that is not mine, and refuse to mess with anyone elses man. And also, god is going to get all of us that does not live and do by his word, so dont throw that quote on me like hes just gona get a person who sleeps with a married man, and not a liar, a cheater, a thief a whoremonger and etc. Hes comming back for a church( which means us indiviually) without a spot nor a wrinkle. Which would conclude that anyone that is unclean he will spit out of his mouth. Thats why we must confess our sin and turn away daily. You keep saying that i should have turned from my ways(which i have) thats good but since you putting people on chopping blocks have you turned form all of yours and totally accepted him as your personal savior. Cause we all have to stand before him on judgement day. Are you ready. Watch your self.Remember dont judge, unless you to will be judged. Dont that sound familiar, since your are quoting the scriptures. So if you are judgeing me then according to the scriptures let everyone lay their chips on the table. Married or unmarried, but i never went around messing with other peoples husbands anyway, this was just this one time affair.   But it doesnt again make it right. Me, or any woman nor man can change the past they can only create a brighter future for themselves. So if you were in a relationship that was the wife and that happened to you. Let the pain of it go. Cause yall jumped on me fast and quick,like i said i was messed with yall man or something. I guess this ends me talking about this and thank you for hearing my story. The ones that commented.

[specialmom]

Susie, you never asked a question.  I must conclude that your only reason for posting this was to create drama.  May go along with your lifestyle choice.  Good luck turning your life around and I sincerely mean that.

[sweetpea03]

You say you have "turned from my wicked ways" and "asked for forgiveness", yet you are still involved with a married man, as you said in the beginning. If you really want to make things "right" you need to stay away from this man. He has a wife and you are the other woman. You made the choice to be with a married man, now make the choice to walk away.

[susiec677]

havent i told all you, when i wrote this, that i wanted to comment on people that was lashing out hard on people that had some situations going on in tthier life, one of which is A woman messing with a married man. The only conclusion here was no one has the right to go hard on anyone about a fault that they have, or had in thier life, if they are not right with themselves either. not in a throwing stone way, i feel like they  should be told what is wrong and etc. but not bashing. but this is my belief. The question was already talked about and for told. Why do people approached women that messed or messing with married men in a way that they do, when most of the population is doing the same wrong. not rying to justify it. im not trying to say not to say anything. And its nothing wrong with critizing them, but its a way to do anything. If you want that person to do right, or live in the right manner, then there is a wy to do that because we are all human and indiviuals. There are good critizem and it is bad. Harsh words turn away. Peace attracts. You can be peaceful and critize at the same time. and maybe you can get through to a whole lotmore that bashing. But thanks for the imput and the replys and i respect your comments. Achange for the better. I have vowed to myself never to do that again though. Not because of what you said but for the hell it brings along with it.

[specialmom]

Susie, your first post had no question in it.  It insinuated that others would have made the same choice as you if presented with the same situation.  I think that is rude to imply.  Stones were not thrown though until a few posts down.  You must be used to stones and took comments about turning your life around as insults.  This is not the fault of those here but your own sensitivity.  Again, I can only conclude you were looking for drama.  

As to preaching, well.  Honestly, you lost credibility awhile ago.    I really don't appreciate having someone try to interpret the bible for me in order to make themselves feel better.

I said it before and will say it again, I do feel bad that this has turned out to be your lot in life.  You are human and are just living your life.  Whatever, but in the way you post ------- it provokes a negative response.  Again, you are taking out your anger at all who have made you feel bad about your 9 year affair out on us.  

[specialmom]

Whew.  I think I got it and this took some mental handiwork on my part, I will tell you.  Your original post was not about your affair of 9 years and all of the details you gave of it but that people shouldn't judge you because they are sinners too.  You were more making a statement of sorts------- I guess, right?

Well, I do agree that there are ways of saying things and ways not to.  If the subject is general and not to any known individual----------  I think people should be able to share their opinions any way they choose even if it is brutal.  But if the person is telling their own story, I can agree that one should have things said to them that are honest but still with respect.  I can agree with that and will also add that the majority of the posts here were that way.  

The manner in which you wrote things made the subject which is already controversial feel even more a little controversial.  I still think that you are angry at the world and we just helped you vent that.  Anyway, hopefully this is the end of this.  good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

This is the most elaborate self-justification for wrong doing that I have ever heard!!

and your preaching is also self-serving and has become very annoying.