Aa
biology said yes, relationship says no
I'm 41 and 6 weeks pregnant for the very first time. It was unplanned. I was using the fertility awareness method (FAM) and just got overly confident I guess-- honestly didn't think I could get pregnant. The relationship is only six months old, love each other but he's younger (34) and not ready, neither do I feel ready-- he definitely wants to have an abortion. I've been feeling so sick lately that I can't seem to get my head around a decision but I know I have to... I still just can't believe I'm pregnant. Want to hear from ladies out there with similar experiences or insights in this situation. How would I do this alone? How do you do this with an unwilling partner?
Just wondering how you are doing? I've been thinking alot about you and your situation. I hope you are doing WONDERFUL! :)
I don't know which way you're leaning towards, but you need to decide independently from your bf.
If you have an abortion, your relationship with your bf is over. You can convince each other all you want that you both wanted the abortion, but it will never ever be the same.
If you choose to have the baby, your bf will either be there or may not be there. He may decide to be there for the baby, but not with you.
Not that it would help you, but I have two stories for you:
1. a gf (in your exact same situation) got pregnant after 2 months of dating. The bf then insisted she have an abortion. She chose not to. The bf then came around and decided to stay w/her and they got married. Their marriage isn't that great (probably b/c they didn't know each other well enough), but they went ahead and chose to have another child. Despite everything, she can't imagine her life w/o them.
2. a cousin of mine got pregnant (again) after a one month relationship. She & her husband were "separated". She was determined to have an abortion. This would've been her 2nd abortion. Her mother & I convinced her not to. Mostly b/c I don't think her body could handle a 2nd abortion. She and her husband reconciled and he decided to raise the child as his as well. She's no longer with her husband, but she can't imagine her life w/o her son. She's a happy single mom.
If you have an abortion, your relationship with your bf is over. You can convince each other all you want that you both wanted the abortion, but it will never ever be the same.
If you choose to have the baby, your bf will either be there or may not be there. He may decide to be there for the baby, but not with you.
Not that it would help you, but I have two stories for you:
1. a gf (in your exact same situation) got pregnant after 2 months of dating. The bf then insisted she have an abortion. She chose not to. The bf then came around and decided to stay w/her and they got married. Their marriage isn't that great (probably b/c they didn't know each other well enough), but they went ahead and chose to have another child. Despite everything, she can't imagine her life w/o them.
2. a cousin of mine got pregnant (again) after a one month relationship. She & her husband were "separated". She was determined to have an abortion. This would've been her 2nd abortion. Her mother & I convinced her not to. Mostly b/c I don't think her body could handle a 2nd abortion. She and her husband reconciled and he decided to raise the child as his as well. She's no longer with her husband, but she can't imagine her life w/o her son. She's a happy single mom.
Would it be different if you knew he wanted you to have it?
What would you do if you knew that this is your only chance to be a Mom?
Have you ever thought of yourself as one that would have an abortion?
What do you mean, how would you do this alone?
Has he ever got anyone else pregnant?
There are no guarantees in life to any relationships. I know alot of great single parents. Some of the best parents that I know are single parents. Do you have any family members or friends that would be willing to help you with your baby? I am sure being so sick makes all of this alot worse. It usually doesn't last through the whole pregnancy. Please make sure you do what is right for you and your baby, not for him, he may not stick around no matter what you choose to do. I believe the after effects of abortion are alot different for most men verses most women. Sorry, if I offended anyone, that is what I believe. I am saying a prayer for your baby.
What would you do if you knew that this is your only chance to be a Mom?
Have you ever thought of yourself as one that would have an abortion?
What do you mean, how would you do this alone?
Has he ever got anyone else pregnant?
There are no guarantees in life to any relationships. I know alot of great single parents. Some of the best parents that I know are single parents. Do you have any family members or friends that would be willing to help you with your baby? I am sure being so sick makes all of this alot worse. It usually doesn't last through the whole pregnancy. Please make sure you do what is right for you and your baby, not for him, he may not stick around no matter what you choose to do. I believe the after effects of abortion are alot different for most men verses most women. Sorry, if I offended anyone, that is what I believe. I am saying a prayer for your baby.
please don't argue amongst yourselves and help me, serious sam would like to hear from you re: guys perspective, thanks, this is the hardest decision of my life, no she's not gung ho about any of it.
I find myself being very offended by your comment (both on behalf of myself and others on here).
I haven't noticed anyone being "militant" in their approach to this very specific topic. Everyone has opinions be they for or against. But I certainly haven't read any posts on here browbeating this woman or telling her what an awful person she is for even considering the option. OF course she's considering it. With the father pushing for it (either silently or verbally) she has to consider it, but we who have been through it are telling her what happened to us. Will that happen to her? Maybe not, but I wish someone had told me what I would be feeling years later.
If she truly was gung ho about having an abortion I don't think she would have posted a question on an anonymous website. She would have terminated the pregnancy without a second thought. But obviously she is having thoughts and wanted some other peoples opinions. Whether she likes them or not.
And the only time I've told anyone about this was on a different thread a couple weeks ago and now this one. I've never told a living soul in 20 years about the "choice" I made. And like Jaybay, I've lived with the sorrow for over 20 years.
If sharing that with someone is being militant so be it.
I haven't noticed anyone being "militant" in their approach to this very specific topic. Everyone has opinions be they for or against. But I certainly haven't read any posts on here browbeating this woman or telling her what an awful person she is for even considering the option. OF course she's considering it. With the father pushing for it (either silently or verbally) she has to consider it, but we who have been through it are telling her what happened to us. Will that happen to her? Maybe not, but I wish someone had told me what I would be feeling years later.
If she truly was gung ho about having an abortion I don't think she would have posted a question on an anonymous website. She would have terminated the pregnancy without a second thought. But obviously she is having thoughts and wanted some other peoples opinions. Whether she likes them or not.
And the only time I've told anyone about this was on a different thread a couple weeks ago and now this one. I've never told a living soul in 20 years about the "choice" I made. And like Jaybay, I've lived with the sorrow for over 20 years.
If sharing that with someone is being militant so be it.
We are still together. We met on June 23, and I conceived Ava around August 13. He is a fantastic father. He already had 3 little girls when I met him by 2 different women, so I am the third mother. Thinking of being 3rd was hard for me. I was selfishly thinking that my baby would not receive the attention that she deserved from her father - and I was TERRIFIED of becoming a single parent - which almost happened more than once because I was constantly paranoid. This is a tough life, but Ava brightens every day for me.
If you are fantasizing about your little one, then I think you will be devistated if you abort him or her. That of course is just my thought. I loved Ava's father before I found out I was pregnant, but I TRULY loved him when the prengancy was confirmed. I looked at her Daddy differently too. His eyes were different to me. I day dreamed about his eyes the whol pregnancy hoping that Ava had those same eyes.
All the while I still worried about the equality of our relationship with all the kids that were involved - we have a LARGE extended family, so many opinions, so many beliefs, so many different relationships to juggle... it is really tough.
On top of that worry I also worried about my own health. That is how I found MedHelp, I found this wonderful sight while researching my uterine anomoly. I would like to recommend visiting the Maternal and Child Forum - there are MANY women with Loads of pregnancy knowledge there.. and there is also the Pregnancy 18 - 34 or Pregnancy over 35 forum - great groups of women here to offer support and knowledge with whatever you decide.
I wish that you felt excited, and I wish that your boyfriend would show more support. Some men need to feel like they will not have to "do" anything.. they just want to be the creater. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. But to me it's true. My brother in law didn't want anything to do with the morning sickness, the gestational diabetes, the hemoroids, the doctors appointments, the pre-op visits - nothing - he just wanted the 9 months to hurry up and pass... but he is a great father.
If you are fantasizing about your little one, then I think you will be devistated if you abort him or her. That of course is just my thought. I loved Ava's father before I found out I was pregnant, but I TRULY loved him when the prengancy was confirmed. I looked at her Daddy differently too. His eyes were different to me. I day dreamed about his eyes the whol pregnancy hoping that Ava had those same eyes.
All the while I still worried about the equality of our relationship with all the kids that were involved - we have a LARGE extended family, so many opinions, so many beliefs, so many different relationships to juggle... it is really tough.
On top of that worry I also worried about my own health. That is how I found MedHelp, I found this wonderful sight while researching my uterine anomoly. I would like to recommend visiting the Maternal and Child Forum - there are MANY women with Loads of pregnancy knowledge there.. and there is also the Pregnancy 18 - 34 or Pregnancy over 35 forum - great groups of women here to offer support and knowledge with whatever you decide.
I wish that you felt excited, and I wish that your boyfriend would show more support. Some men need to feel like they will not have to "do" anything.. they just want to be the creater. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. But to me it's true. My brother in law didn't want anything to do with the morning sickness, the gestational diabetes, the hemoroids, the doctors appointments, the pre-op visits - nothing - he just wanted the 9 months to hurry up and pass... but he is a great father.
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